Heironymus sent this to me. It came from the Onion. Thanks to all my readers who let me know.
CHICAGO—The city of Chicago is steadily recovering from an overnight snowstorm that delayed hundreds of murders on Friday morning and will likely continue to push numerous homicides across the city drastically behind schedule, public authorities announced. “As we speak, maintenance crews are working diligently to restore public transportation, de-ice roads, and clear back alleyways so that Chicagoans can quickly resume murdering again,” Department of Streets and Sanitation spokesman Dave Michelson said of the heavy blizzard, which caused numerous homicide cancellations this morning at peak murder times. “Unfortunately, we’re backed up by about 35 deadly shootings at the moment, but we hope to restore regular death tolls as soon as possible. We apologize to anyone forced to postpone shootings or other killings today and assure concerned murderers that they will be able to resume slayings by the early afternoon.” At press time, authorities reported that murders were up and running in many parts of the city, with four teenagers already gunned down on Chicago ’s South Side.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Brilliant! I wish I had written that.
And let us not forget, Chicago’s South Side is mainly black. And as far as the Black Lives Matter crowd goes, just remember that the only black lives that matter are the ones taken by white people. Blacks gunning down other blacks is quite OK. You never see them protesting against that and they don’t advocate cooperating with the cops when that happens. “Snitches get stitches.” To put things in prospective, more blacks are killed by other blacks in a week in cities like Chicago and St. Louis than are killed by white cops in the rest of the country in a year.
Black Lives Matter. What a crock!