Joke Of The Week

For the golfers from my friend Phil.

A nun walks into Mother Superior’s office and plunks down into a chair. She lets out a sigh heavy with frustration.

‘What troubles you, Sister?’ asked the Mother Superior. ‘I thought this was the day you spent with your family.’

‘It was,’ sighed the Sister. ‘And I went to play golf with my brother. You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ.’

‘I seem to recall that,’ the Mother Superior agreed. ‘So I take it your day of recreation was not relaxing?’

‘Far from it,’ snorted the Sister. ‘In fact, I even took the Lord’s name in vain today!’

Goodness, Sister!’ gasped the Mother Superior, astonished. ‘You must tell me all about it!’

‘Well, we were on the fifth tee…and this hole is a monster, Mother Superior 540 yard Par 5, with a nasty dog leg left and a hidden Green… and I hit the drive of my life. I creamed it. The sweetest swing I ever made. And it’s flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted… and it hits a bird in mid-flight!’

Oh my!’ commiserated the Mother. ‘How unfortunate! But surely that didn’t make you blaspheme, Sister!’

‘No, that wasn’t it,’ admitted Sister. ‘While I was still trying to fathom what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods, grabs my ball and runs off down the fairway!’

‘Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!’ sympathized the Mother

‘But I didn’t, Mother!’ sobbed the Sister. ‘And I was so proud of myself! And while I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this hawk swoops out of the sky and grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my ball still clutched in his paws!’

‘So that’s when you cursed,’ said the Mother with a knowing smile.

‘Nope, that wasn’t it either,’ cried the Sister, anguished, ‘because as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling, and the hawk dropped him right there on the green, and the ball popped out of his paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!’

Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, fixed on the Sister with a baleful stare, and said…

‘You missed the fuckin’ putt, didn’t you?

10 comments on “Joke Of The Week

  1. A local priest entered into a golf tournament. He asked one of the nuns in his parish to caddy for him.

    On the first hole the priest is on the green facing a 10 foot putt for par. When his ball stops a few inches short of the cup he slams his driver to the ground and mutters “God damn it. I missed.” His caddy gives him a stern look and admonishes him “Father! Please, watch your language.”

    On the next hole he rims out a 2 foot putt. Again he slams his club into the ground and yells “God Damn it, I missed.” Again the nun admonished him about his language.

    The priest stomps over to the next tee a short par 3. Tees up a ball, and proceeds to drop his tee shot about 6 inches from the cup. Standing over his short birdie putt he takes a deep breath, exhales, and putts. The ball slips past the left edge of the cup and rolls another 6 inches past the cup. The priest snaps his putter over his knee, and yells “GOD DAMNED IT.” And before his caddy can admonish him there is a huge thunderclap. And a bolt of lightning streaks out of the sky and burns the nun to a crisp. As the Priest picks himself up off the ground he looks over at the burned remains of his caddy a deep voice echos out of the clouds “DAMN IT! I MISSED!”

  2. I once saw a cartoon “How Lightning Really Works”. Two Zeus-looking gods have lightning bolts in their quivers, instead of arrows. One says “If I can hit those two golfers with this one bolt, I’ll score a nifty 88.”.

  3. Father Murphy’s parish was losing money, so a friend recommended that he buy a race horse to make money for the parish. But, Father Murphy’s inexperience led him to buy a donkey. Being an optimist, he raced the donkey, which came in third place. Newspaper: FATHER MURPHY’S ASS SHOWS . An angry archbishop scolded the father, warning him to avoid such negative publicity for the church.
    Father Murphy raced the donkey again, which won the race. Newspaper: FATHER MURPHY’S ASS OUT IN FRONT . The archbishop was even angrier, giving Father Murphy only one more chance.
    Father Murphy raced the donkey one more time, which came in second place. Newspaper: FATHER MURPHY’S ASS BACK IN PLACE. The archbishop now forbade further racing of the donkey. Newspaper: ARCHBISHOP SCRATCHES FATHER MURPHY’S ASS. The archbishop ordered Father Murphy to get rid of the donkey, so he gave it to Sister Agatha. The archbishop ordered Sr. Agatha to sell the donkey, which she did for $10. Newspaper: SISTER AGATHA PEDDLES HER ASS FOR $10. Three days later, following the funeral, the archbishop was laid to rest.

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