Joke Of The Week

For all of you English lovers. From Ron.

• An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television, getting drunk, and smoking cigars.

• A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

• A bar was walked into by the passive voice.

• An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.

• Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.”

• A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.

• Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.

• A question mark walks into a bar?

• A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.

• Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Get out — we don’t serve your type.”

• A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.

• A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.

• Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.

• A synonym strolls into a tavern.

• At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar — fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.

• A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.

• Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.

• A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.

• An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.

• The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.

• A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned by a man with a glass eye named Ralph.

• The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

• A dyslexic walks into a bra.

• A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.

• A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.

• A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.

• A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony.

8 comments on “Joke Of The Week

  1. A French Canuck walks into the bar. He listens to it all.
    He simply cannot participate. Even spelling is a headache.
    Je-Ne-Sais-Quoi remains silent. Not even wine-ing for a moment.
    Then he orders blanc, he orders rouge, the best Pinot Noir et Sauvignon.
    Even some Molson Canadian beer, bottles after bottles,
    For all those effete grammarians.
    Till they all start singing in French in an amusing disorder,
    cacophoning Piaf, Trenet Chevalier. And even the great Leonard Cohen,
    Totally forgetting why they first came to that bar.
    And the proper rules they must extol.

    P.S. This is just for fun! I love good English. And I’m learning a lot with that joke.

  2. Absolutely brilliant! I’m saving this for my grandkids – maybe they will have an English teacher who understands your grammatical humor.

    Bravo! Applauding wildly!

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