Joke Of The Week

An oldie but goodie from my friend Phil.

Yesterday I was at Costco buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Owen, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had an elephant?

So because I’m retired and have little to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete,(certified), so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me? I told her, no, I was sitting in my driveway licking my balls when my wife came home and hit me with the car.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Costco won’t let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.

11 comments on “Joke Of The Week

  1. Hey Denny;

    I heard the Version “where I got hit by a car because I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodles ass…..” They all are good*Chuckles*

  2. Tell me if you’ve heard this one:
    I really messed up a burglar who broke into my house. It was the middle of the night when I heard the noise. I picked up my S&W and maneuvered to get a good shot when I turned on the laser and put a red bead on his chest – and the cat took care of the rest.

  3. These two gay guys were walking along the sidewalk in the city, when they both saw a dog that was licking its own balls. The first gay guy said, “Gee, I wish I could do that!” The second gay guy responded, “You probably can. But I think you better try to pet him first!”

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