My friend Pres sent me this one.
More plot threads and twists this hour.
Previouslies: Jack and Audrey have a touching scene. “Are you happy? Is he good to you?” Asshole Chief of Staff (ACOS) forges Prez Biden’s signature for Jack’s rendition to the Rooskies. That’s gonna come back and bite him in the ass. Of course he could say Prez Biden actually did sign it and forgot about it because he has Alzheimer’s. I wonder if Valerie Jarrett ever forges Obungler’s signature? Mummy shoots Hubby in front of Simone. This is gonna come back and bite her in the ass. We get to see a rerun of Mummy’s video and Ian blowing up the fake Jihad Central in an ambush of the CIA raid.
And we’re off!
We get to see the aftermath of the ambush. The Brit PM expresses concern and asks Prez Biden for all the technical info on the drones. Bigwig General sez that would violate all security protocols. Prez Biden tells him to give all the info to the Ministry of Defense. He also tells him to coordinate with the RAF. Twice. Ooops! He’s repeating himself. As the PM is leaving, his aid, a hot Brit Blonde Babe (she’s got that icy Brit reserve going on. Yummy!) tells him that intelligence sources say that Prez Biden is being treated by a neurologist and may be on his way to the State of Bewilderment. “Poor bastard! We’re depending on a man to protect our soil who doesn’t have his wits about him? God help us!” How do you think we feel with our Diversity (All Hail Diversity!) president? It’s not just him. It’s an electorate in this country who would elect him not once, but twice. We thought we were getting David Palmer. Instead we’ve got an incompetent racist rat bastard commie. What are we? We’re doomed!
Cut to Prez Biden scarfing down some pills when Jack is ushered into his office. Jack sees the pills. Cut to the ambush site where Prez Biden is talking to IBM Manager and he tells him that Jack is going dark and for him to give Jack everything he needs. In his laundry list is Kate, since she’s the only operative who knows her ass from a hole in the ground. IBM Manager sez no can do since Kate is heading back to Langley. Prez Biden sez, “Jack wants her. Jack needs her. Jack gets her.” So there.
Back at Jihad Central Ian updates Mummy with the status of the drones. He also tells Mummy that he’s worried about Simone and she shouldn’t have shot Hubby right in front of her. Awww! I really had high hopes for Simone and thought she was gonna be the British version of Mandy but it looks like she had genuine feelings for the poor departed Hubby and she’s gonna wind up being the weak link in this operation. Mummy slaps Ian and sez, “When you’re second guessing your sister, you’re second guessing me.” I’ll betcha you’ll be sorry you didn’t listen to Ian before the day is over Mummy.
Down in the cellar Mummy’s minions are packing up Hubby’s body to remove him from the premises (or maybe they’re just gonna bury him in the garden) when Hubby’s phone goes off. Dontcha just hate it when that happens? It’s Hubby’s sister. Another character in the story. She leaves a voice message asking Hubby what’s going on and she’s worried since he told her to pack a bag and that they were leaving London but hasn’t heard from him. Mummy tells Simone to go meet her sister-in-law (SIL) and to take care of it which in Mummy speak means to kill her. Make sure you take your trusty knife Simone.
Back at the Prez quarters, ACOS gives Jack a clean cellphone and asks what went on when he and Audrey had their touching moment. Jack tells him to ask Audrey. He tells Jack to stay away from her. Tough words to Jack Bauer dude. He could take you on with both of his arms tied behind his back.
As Jack’s leaving he tells ACOS that Audrey told him he was a good man and that she is happy. Wait until she finds out that you were gonna turn Jack over to the Rooskies.
Jack calls Chloe and Belcheck, his Faithful Serbian Companion. We finally found out his name, but I’m gonna continue to call him Tonto.
Prez Biden calls up the PM and asks him to hold off on any military options because he’s running a covert op to try to find Mummy. Since the last CIA op was such a resounding success PM demands more specifics. Prez Biden sez it’s being run by Jack Bauer. He asks the PM to hold off for an hour, which means that the Brits will be deployed during this episode and will muck up Jack’s op. Icy Brit Babe tells the PM that Prez Biden cannot be trusted to make these decisions in his mental condition. “Get hold of Woodfeld at MI5.” Yep! The Brits will definitely muck it up before the hour is over. Icy Brit Babe looks like she might have some nice boobage under her suit.
Jack meets up with Kate and she asks him why her. “Because you look like you can handle yourself” (unlike the other bozos at the CIA). He asks why she was being shipped back to the states and once again we hear about her husband selling secrets to a foreign gummint. The way they’re flogging this dead horse, I’m beginning to think that her husband was framed. He tells Kate they’re on their way to see an arms dealer name Rask that the CIA has been hunting for years. Jack tells her that he has been working for him the last two years but has been sabotaging his operation and has helped take down some human traffickers and a drug cartel.
Chloe calls Jack and sez she’s set up an account for Jack and all he has to do is get Rask to log on and it will put a virus into his system. Sounds simple doesn’t it?
Back at the Prez’ quarters, ACOS gets a call from the Rooskie Deputy Foreign Minister who asks when they can take delivery of Jack. He tells him that Prez Biden has rescinded the order. The Rooskie tells him that you can’t just do that without an explanation. Yeah. What are you ACOS, an Indian giver? Oh no! What I just said was racially insensitive! I’m gonna have to go to Diversity (All Hail Diversity!) training. The Rooskie expects a call from Prez Biden with an explanation.
ACOS: “Let’s set up a meeting”
ACOS: “I’ll get back to you.”
Now he’s in deep shit, especially if Audrey and Prez Biden find out.
Back with Jack and Kate, Jack explains his plan. Rask thinks he’s responsible for two of his customers being taken down especially since Jack disappeared two weeks ago with $200K when he heard about the threat on Prez Biden. He tells Kate he’s gonna knock her out with propofol to render her unconscious and deliver her to Rask telling him that it was another guy named Nils who was the leak and Kate was his contact. Jack killed Nils before he disappeared. Chloe has loaded some incriminating evidence on Kate’s phone. He gives Kate a chance to back out, but since she’s the female Jack Bauer she’s all for it. She sez, “Just make it count!” and then injects herself with the propofol. That’s what Jack would do. Sounds good on paper but we know sumpin’ will mess it up. Prolly MI5.
Back at the CIA, IBM Manager is returning from the ambush. Jordan, the tech dude, tells him that he thinks he can restore some deleted files about Kate’s husband. See. I’ll bet Kate’s husband was framed and that’s why she didn’t discover what her husband was doing because he didn’t do it. In almost every season of 24 there was a mole or traitor starting with Nina in Season 1. IBM Manager tells Jordan to hold off and concentrate on the op they’re running now. Is he the traitor? I have a feeling that since Jordan said the program could run in the background that he’s gonna do it anyway. He’s not doing anything else. Jack’s using Chloe for his tech support.
On the streets of London Simone encounters her SIL Simone looks rather fetching in her headscarf and shows no ill effects of having a finger chiseled off less than two hours ago. Her left hand isn’t swollen since she was able to get a pair of gloves on. Mummy stitched up that cut on her leg, but no one stitched up her finger. She doesn’t appear to be on any drugs. What a miraculous recovery from what would have had a normal person out of sorts for a day or too. It’s a medical miracle! Isn’t it ironic that she’s wearing a headscarf and SIL who is of Middle Eastern descent isn’t? She tells SIL that Hubby was just stressed out over his PhD and everything is just hunky dory. Oh look! Simone has a niece. That’s two people she is gonna have to kill.
Back with the PM, MI5 is reporting that they have Jack under surveillance and that Kate is in the boot and it looks like Jack is betraying the Americans. It’s the plan you idiots! “Assemble a team. We’ll handle this ourselves.” This should add a few more hours to the show.
Jack shows up at Arms Depot and Rask is pissed at Jack. He has his henchman rough him up a little. Jack tells him it was Nils who betrayed him and he’s brought his CIA contact. As for his money, all Rask has to do is logon to Jack’s account and he can transfer his money. Rask tells Jack that he has a drug to counteract propofol and they’re gonna use it to wake her up interrogate her. Doesn’t sound good for Kate. We’ll get to see just how tough she is.
Tonto is on the roof of an adjacent building and has Kate and her interrogators in sight and he’ll take them out if it looks like they will hurt her too bad.
What is with those stupid glasses Samuel L. Jackson is wearing in those Capital One commercials? He looks like a real doofus. I’m still amazed that he can talk that long without saying “mofo”.
Simone calls Mummy and sez she’s convinced SIL that everything is OK and she’s coming home. Mummy sez she needs to be sure and that Simone has to kill her anyway.
“She has her daughter with her.”
“Then you have two loose ends to take care of. Is that a problem?”
We can tell it is. You should have sent one of your minions to do this job Mummy. Not knowing what’s in store for her SIL invites Simone for dinner.
Back at Arms Depot one of Rask’s henchmen is reviving Kate. “Wakey. Wakey.” They tie her hands behind her back and hoist her up with a hook under her hands. Ouch! That’s gotta hurt. Not looking too good Kate. Then she’s doused with water and out come the jumper cables.
Meanwhile Rask is asking Jack about opening up his bank account and did he meet Metzger. Everyone has to talk to Metzger. Chloe searches frantically through the banks personnel records. Wait! They didn’t take his phone? What kind of an arms dealer are you? An incompetent one. Jack can’t wait for Chloe and decides there is no Metzger and tells Rask that even with a gun an inch away from his forehead. Rask sez he’s right and to look at Jack. He didn’t even break a sweat. Of course. He’s Jack Bauer. What do you expect.
Bacd to Kate where one of her interrogators thinks she’s lying and is firing up a drill. Tonto has a bead on him and is ready to take him out when he’s clubbed by one of the MI5 dudes. See. I told you they were gonna muck things up.
Whoa! There’s Herschel Walker doing a spot for Jack Kingston. Doesn’t matter Herschel. Even if Kingston wins the runoff, over 90% of your fellow blacks in Georgia will vote for the Dimocrat, Michelle Nunn who is using her maiden name hoping that folks will vote for her because of her father, Sam Nunn, the last decent Dimocrat Senator from Georgia. His species, the conservative Dimocrat, is now extinct in this country.
Seven minutes have elapsed and Kate’s interrogator is still whirring the drill and hasn’t used it yet. Kate continues stalling for time. Rask is logging in when MI5 attacks One of Kate’s interrogators goes to help and when drillboy turns his back, Kate swings up and gets her legs around his neck. Mel Gibson did this in the first Lethal Weapon flick. Liam Neeson did it in Taken. The only difference is they killed their torturers with their legs. All Kate can do is use him as leverage to push herself high enough to unhook the chain. They fall on the floor and Kate is able to reach a knife and stab him. Way to go Kate! The other dude returns and Kate is able to kill him with drillboy’s gun.
While the fighting is going on Jack is able to hit enter on Rask’s computer. MI5 didn’t totally muck things up. He gets the drop on Rask but has to surrender when MI5 enters. He gets on his knees and tells them who is and what he’s doing. Fat lot of good that will do. It’s just like when he was chasing Drone Hacker and Simone earlier in the day and the CIA intervened and let them get away. Fortunately Rask gets a grenade and takes out everyone but Jack, who was shielded from the blast by an MI5 dude.
Chloe accesses Rask’s accounts and finds transactions related to a cellphone that she’s able to track. I have a feeling it won’t be Mummy’s cellphone (that would be too easy) but Simones’s.
Speaking of Simone, she’s in SIL’s apartment. She clicks open her trusty switchblade while she’s trying to talk SIL into taking her daughter Yasmin and leaving London because she’s in danger. So what does SIL do? She sez she’ll call the police. Smart! You should have listened to Simone. She really doesn’t want to kill you. Too late. They struggle and Simone stabs SIL right in the stomach. Yasmin sees this and runs away. Smart girl. Simone chases her and gets hit by a bus. This just isn’t her day. She cuts herself on the leg, gets a finger chiseled off, and now gets hit by a bus. She’s beginning to remind me of the Black Knight in the Monte Python movie. “It’s only a flesh wound.” I predict she’ll be up and about again in the next hour or two. At least if she goes to a hospital she’ll get her finger sewn up. Maybe not. This is the NHS she’ll be dealing with.
Doctor: “And how did you get this young lady?”
Simone: “My Mummy did it to me.”
Back at the CIA, Jordan is running his retrieval program. He doesn’t really have anything else to do. Chloe’s doing all the real work. IBM Manager finds a private place to make a phone call.
I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT! Kate’s husband was framed. The traitor was IBM Manager.
Kachunk! Kachunk! Kachunk!
Next week, Jack visits Simone in the hospital and Mummy and Ian try to take her out with a missile. As if they haven’t done enough to her already today.