Holy cow, where’s the boobage. All I see are two saucer sized objects that look like Barney Google, with the goo-goo-goo-ga-ly eyes. Wow, the only round things I’ve ever seen that are larger have bee Saturn’s rings in a photograph.
After “left clicking” on the postage sized picture to being it into view I carefully scrutinized this lady’s assets and hang on to your jockstraps gentlemen, the ride’s about to begin.
1) Face/head: Her hair looks like we’ve just had a massive explosion in a Vidal Sassoon 1976 era beauty salon. I imagine there’s enough hair spray holding that mass of stranded protein together than the amount of super-glue that’s used on the average Boeing 787 dreamliner. Next the face. Speaking of “over-use” this lady has enough pancake make-up covering her cheeks to repair the cracks in the entire length of the Great Wall of China. If you ever get the chance to place your lips on those cheeks make sure you still have all your teeth afterwards. And, finally the eye makeup. I dug through my old 60’s collection of Star Trek (Beta format) videos to find a comparable set of eyes. The klingon has less obtrusive aural orbs than this lady. Sorry maam, it’s time to think about a “redo”. Rating: “D+”
2) Boobage: The last time I saw objects shaped like her mammaries was actually fairly recently. The news had a bit about the Syrian rebels and the Russian weapons they were acquiring. Yup, those puppies are the identical shape of the nosecone on a Russian Kornet E anti-tank missile. They’d probably do the same amount of damage to your thorax as the missile would do to an Abrams tank if she, in a fit of swooning lust, fell on you. Finally, the small canker mid-point on the left boob. It’s gotta go. Rating: “C”.
3) Torso: Now we get down to (or on) some interesting territory. My eyes were immediately drawn to the fact she has no navel stud. Good girl. And her mid-section is very nicely toned with the pelvic girdle flared to perfection. Yup, this most important part, but often ignored by a large number of body watchers, is the female abdomen. One sometimes forgets the abdominal area can be used as an emergency landing zone for a “mis-guided”, fully loaded penile probe. Properly coated with a generous coat of saliva, of course. Rating: “A+”
Overall Toejam rating: “”C+”.
Ok, that’s another expert analysis of a female’s external body parts brought to you by your’s truly. Now it’s time I ventured forth and thanks to the warm, sunny weather in my part of the world and ogle some fine, tanned, shapely female legs strolling down the avenue.
However, before I go I have to Duct-tape my crotch rocket to my right thigh. The last time I went out gam foraging I forgot the duct tape routine and after spying a particularly fine pair attached to a firm set of swinging glutes I had to replace my Joe Snyder wet look bulge 02 enhancement thong after it snapped and tore through my Levi jeans. Fortunately, it rebounded off the windshield and finally landed on the hood of a Toyota Prius which happened to be passing by without causing a bit of damage.
uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Hmmm….the things that are going thru my mind.
I think those luscious orbs are about to squirt! Another example of the limitless variations of “perfect.”
Holy cow, where’s the boobage. All I see are two saucer sized objects that look like Barney Google, with the goo-goo-goo-ga-ly eyes. Wow, the only round things I’ve ever seen that are larger have bee Saturn’s rings in a photograph.
After “left clicking” on the postage sized picture to being it into view I carefully scrutinized this lady’s assets and hang on to your jockstraps gentlemen, the ride’s about to begin.
1) Face/head: Her hair looks like we’ve just had a massive explosion in a Vidal Sassoon 1976 era beauty salon. I imagine there’s enough hair spray holding that mass of stranded protein together than the amount of super-glue that’s used on the average Boeing 787 dreamliner. Next the face. Speaking of “over-use” this lady has enough pancake make-up covering her cheeks to repair the cracks in the entire length of the Great Wall of China. If you ever get the chance to place your lips on those cheeks make sure you still have all your teeth afterwards. And, finally the eye makeup. I dug through my old 60’s collection of Star Trek (Beta format) videos to find a comparable set of eyes. The klingon has less obtrusive aural orbs than this lady. Sorry maam, it’s time to think about a “redo”. Rating: “D+”
2) Boobage: The last time I saw objects shaped like her mammaries was actually fairly recently. The news had a bit about the Syrian rebels and the Russian weapons they were acquiring. Yup, those puppies are the identical shape of the nosecone on a Russian Kornet E anti-tank missile. They’d probably do the same amount of damage to your thorax as the missile would do to an Abrams tank if she, in a fit of swooning lust, fell on you. Finally, the small canker mid-point on the left boob. It’s gotta go. Rating: “C”.
3) Torso: Now we get down to (or on) some interesting territory. My eyes were immediately drawn to the fact she has no navel stud. Good girl. And her mid-section is very nicely toned with the pelvic girdle flared to perfection. Yup, this most important part, but often ignored by a large number of body watchers, is the female abdomen. One sometimes forgets the abdominal area can be used as an emergency landing zone for a “mis-guided”, fully loaded penile probe. Properly coated with a generous coat of saliva, of course. Rating: “A+”
Overall Toejam rating: “”C+”.
Ok, that’s another expert analysis of a female’s external body parts brought to you by your’s truly. Now it’s time I ventured forth and thanks to the warm, sunny weather in my part of the world and ogle some fine, tanned, shapely female legs strolling down the avenue.
However, before I go I have to Duct-tape my crotch rocket to my right thigh. The last time I went out gam foraging I forgot the duct tape routine and after spying a particularly fine pair attached to a firm set of swinging glutes I had to replace my Joe Snyder wet look bulge 02 enhancement thong after it snapped and tore through my Levi jeans. Fortunately, it rebounded off the windshield and finally landed on the hood of a Toyota Prius which happened to be passing by without causing a bit of damage.
Nip to boob ratio about 50%. That is not a healthy number. I do like the tan lines thought.
I think I could get past all of her “flaws” and have a fun, fun time.
Be careful, ya could putcher eye out on one ‘a those things.
Definitely not your “Gril Next Door” type. More like, pole dancer from the other side of town.
All I can think of when I look at a girl like her is, “Which part of her would I most like to put my goo on..?”
…or in?