By Ron. Who else could write this well?

One day Barry the Magic Muslim decided to visit his old friend Vacuous Nancy, the brain-damaged ex-hippy, in her make-believe cottage on the shores of Bottomless Welfare Pond. He wanted his partner, Jerkwad Joe, to go with him, but Joe had a previous appointment with his analyst who was helping him search for his common sense, which he had misplaced several years ago and been unable to find since.

So he asked Gigolo Jacques, the horse-faced veteran of countless imaginary battles against perfectly innocent little brown people, to go with him. Jacques loved to make up stories and then go tell them to the old white-haired men who sat around in the building with the big dome eating pork sandwiches and blowing smoke at cameras. One of his favorites was a fabulous saga about modern soldiers emulating Genghis Khan, raping, pillaging, and burning their way through the Indochina peninsula in pursuit of personal glory for racism’s sake.

Barry liked Nutty Nancy because you never quite knew what funny thing she’d come up with next to say. She’d long ago replaced her cerebrum with an overripe cantaloupe and lost the ability to process reality in the trade. That loss of steering and the whimsical approach to life it brought made her a lot more fun than the bisexual, piano-legged, pottymouth penis envier who had been such a pest over much of the past several years.

Jacques and Barry sometimes liked to hang out at the gym where that narcissistic hot-dog guy used to take pictures of his naked torso and e-mail them to people who didn’t particularly want to see them. The snapshots of the guy’s “Whitey Bulger” intrigued Barry, though they held little interest for Jacques, who preferred to look for rich widowed white women.

In the crotch of a fairy dust tree they found Jabber-Jabber Jay, who had never ever learned to tell the truth so well, but he could play a hot mike just like ringin a bell. He was sitting there practicing his incantations while watching a RINO butt his head against a jabberwock bush down near Unicorn Swamp.

They thought about stopping by Stonewall Labyrinth to see what Eric the Knave was up to, but it was so easy to get lost in there that they decided against it. Besides, Eric almost never had an opinion on anything and just borrowed one from a handy reverend, such as Al or Jesse or Jerry, when he thought one might be necessary.

Jay reminded Barry that Slow-Talking Chuck, who had been a senator until he donated his brain for research at the Center for Sudden Mind Death Studies in Poughkeepsie, had wanted to play soldiers with them that day. Barry thought that over for a moment and then told Jay to put him in touch with Frat-Boy John McStain so he’d forget about playing war with Barry and Jacques.

As they crossed the Bridge of a Thousand Lies, they were beset by a gaggle of toads sent by Ms Enbeecie who wanted a statement on the caution about the demise of Al Qaeda in the land of the Moon Loons. As he had no access to his trusty idiotproofer, Barry recited a talking point on the need to control private weapons and stop all production and use of fossil fuels.

When the See BS toad thrust a mike his face, Jacques began chanting a well-rehearsed cabala extolling the virtues of Paleosimians and the contributions of Moose Limbs to world culture.

It was then that “Spondi” (Spontaneous Demonstration) Rice came running up to them shouting, “The sky is falling! The sky is falling!! We must run and hide!” She went on to explain how she was tossing her dried Tibetan Yeti foot at the pixie dust pattern she had drawn on her virtual séance board when Tinker Belle emerged from the screen and whispered in her ear that the ghosts of assassinated Al Qaeda leaders were planning an attack on every US embassy and consulate in the solar system.

“I smell Tea Party here. This clearly is the work of some evil genius, perhaps the Witch of the North, Shotgun Sarah, or Pugnacious Paul,” said Barry.

“It has the stench of Cocky Karl about it. I say we spend the day on my yacht, eating truffles and drinking sherry, safe from the contaminating influence of poor people who didn’t have the wisdom to marry above their station.”

“No,” Barry said with an expression on his face as if an errant thought had lodged in his mind and was causing him great discomfort. Original thoughts were frightening to him, and unless Gigabucks George or Meretricious Moochelle approved of them, they gave him that sour taste in his mouth as if he’d vurped his Sam Adams.

“No, what we need here is a speech. It’s what I do, and it’s what people expect. If anything will allay their fears and placate the followers of Muhammad (PBUH), it’s a nice rousing speech full of generalities, platitudes, clichés, and doubletalk. Nothing calms them down more quickly than half an hour of hot air. The only thing we have to fear is the blacks and Latinos discovering reality. Spondi, get my team on that right away. Make it about 20 minutes . . . don’t want to overdo it.”

And with that he pulled his St. Travon hoodie up over his nappy head, climbed aboard Dumbo, and soared off into the safety of his shining castle on the banks of the Food Stamp River at the foot of Ethnic Loyalty Mountain on EBT Highway in Shangri-La.

In the meantime, Ambassador Feierstein barricaded himself in his quarters in Sana’a and contemplated the process of turning an entire desert peninsula into multicolored glass.

Bravo! Bravo! Bravo!

WTF? Rap “music” is rock and roll? When did that happen? The reason I ask is that rapper Jay Z, whoever he is, wants Obungler to induct him into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

Jay Z would want President Barack Obama to induct him into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, he said Friday.

When asked by HBO’s Bill Maher on his show “Real Time” who the rapper would want to induct him when he’s eligible in seven years, Jay Z immediately said Obama.

“It’d be alright. He owes me a couple,” Jay Z said.

Amazing! Are there any rappers in the Hall of Fame now? And why aren’t Yes, Stevie Ray Vaughn, Rush, Deep Purple, Journey, and Cheap Trick in the Hall of Fame? Here are the the ten worst Rock and Roll Hall of Fame snubs.

This story was sent to me by Mr. Rogers.

Infamous hoaxster Tawana Brawley — whose outrageous rape lie 25 years ago inflamed racial tensions nationwide — yesterday was finally slapped with a court order to settle a hefty defamation case against her.

“For at least 25 years, she has been living a major lie,” said former Dutchess County prosecutor Steven Pagones, who was falsely accused of raping Brawley in 1987 and finally tracked her down, thanks to The Post.

And this was the story that catapulted RWPP Al Sharpton into national prominence. It was a hoax, but Sharpton didn’t suffer any ill effects from it. He ran for president and got to fly first class and stay in luxury suites until his campaign cash ran out. He lost a defamation lawsuit put forth by Steve Pagones, one of the people Brawley accused of rape but other people, including Johnny Cochran, paid the settlement for him. And MSNBC gave him his own program which pretty much tells you about the ethics and journalistic standards of MSNBC and its parent NBC.

To me, this has always been about responsibility and accountability,’’ added the former ADA, who won the $190,000 defamation lawsuit against Brawley, 40, now a nurse in Virginia, more than a decade ago.

Which, of course, she hasn’t paid a dime of.

At 9 percent interest, that debt, which Brawley never attempted to pay off, now totals $431,492, according to the wage-garnishment papers filed in Virginia’s Surry County Court.

Brawley — whose unbelievable lies made the Rev. Al Sharpton a household name as he bombastically championed her cause — had changed her name and moved down South in the years since she was exposed.

Trying to escape accountability for her hoax.

Her fugitive-like antics long thwarted Pagones’ efforts to serve her with the court papers needed to get the financial damages due him.

But The Post finally found Brawley last month, effectively leading Pagones and his lawyer to her.

Good for the Post. Now, make her pay for her antics.

She was living under the assumed name of Tawana Vacenia Thompson Gutierrez in Hopewell, Va., and working as a licensed nurse at The Laurels of Bon Air, a nursing home in nearby Richmond.

According to Pagones’ lawyer, Garry Bolnick, the single mom’s wages could be docked 10 to 25 percent per paycheck as retribution for her lies.

I hope it’s 25%. Make her pay the maximum price for her lies.

Pagones said he might waive his entitled windfall — if Brawley finally ’fesses up.

Like that’s gonna happen. Take her for everything she’s got. Her hoax destroyed lives.

“There is a feeling of unfinished business to it,” he said of the case that ended his career and cost him his marriage. “I look at this as another opportunity for her to tell the truth.

“People criticize me for going after a hardworking single mother trying to support herself and child. My argument has been she has not been held accountable.

“If she is not going to tell the truth, then it is about the money. That is the only way to hold her accountable,” said Pagones, who is now principal owner of a private investigations firm.

But Pagones said he wonders if Sharpton will again try to rush to her aid and bail her out.

I doubt it. That would mean he would have to take time off from his race baiting over St. Trayvon of Skittles.

Neither of these two have been held accountable for what they did. Tawana is a poor single mom? Too bad. Actions should have consequences. Sharpton never paid a penalty for his race baiting and Brawley never paid a penalty for her lies. Maybe big Al can find somebody to pay Tawana’s bills like he found someone to pay his. Too bad Johnny Cochran is dead.

Check out her picture. That’s prolly what St. Trayvon of Skittles girlfriend Precious will look like 20 years from now only fatter. She’ll prolly be a single mom as well except in her case, she’ll be on welfare.

Update: Faithful reader Michael sent me this update.

Last week, 10 checks totaling $3,764.61 were delivered to ex-prosecutor Steven Pagones — the first payments Brawley has made since a court determined in 1998 that she defamed him with her vicious hoax.

And Pagones is a lot nicer than I am.

“Every week, she’ll think of me,” he told The Post. “And every week, she can think about how she has a way out — she can simply tell the truth.”

She’s too stupid for that. Instead she’ll prolly play the victim card and the race card. Look for the Martin family lawyer, Ben Crump, to get involved. This case is right up his alley.

She’s now forced to pay Pagones $627 each month, possibly for the rest of her life. Under Virginia law, she can appeal the wage garnishment every six months.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! A fine example of schadenfreude on my part. Prolly on Pagones part as well, but he’s willing to give her a way out. I wouldn’t. I’d take her for everything that I could.

This one is from Woody.

I was in Ft. Myers, Florida the other day and I saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that read: “I miss Detroit”.

So, I broke the window, stole the radio, shot out two of the tires, added an Obama bumper sticker and left a note that read, “I hope this helps!”

Over the weekend, my friend Cindy told me she saw some libtard on MSNBC (Yep. She and Michael watch MSNBC to find out what the rat bastard commies are doing and also for comic relief.) who said our debt was no problem. We’ve been running it up for years and nothing cataclysmic has happened yet. Cindy’s take? Detroit was doing just fine until all of a sudden it wasn’t. The same will be said of Killadelphia when it has to file for bankruptcy due to libtard mismanagement. Something that can’t go on forever won’t.

Casey sent me this gun show sign.

As always, click on the image to make it larger.

Wouldn’t surprise me if it were Photoshopped, but I have to agree with the sentiment. Obungler voters are too freakin’ stupid to own guns. There was a stupid liberal twit who bought a gun and wrote about it. It was typical liberal twaddle. She didn’t ask at the gun store how to load it so she stopped the first cop she saw to ask him to show her and to make sure it wasn’t loaded. For real. She actually wrote how incredibly stupid she was. I’m sure her readers gobbled it up. An excerpt.

I needed help. I drove to where a police officer had pulled over another driver. Now, writing this, I realize that rolling up on an on-duty cop with a handgun in tow might not have been fully thought through.

Ya think?

I told him I just bought a gun, had no clue how to use it. I asked him to make sure there were no bullets in the magazine or chamber. He took the magazine out and cleared the chamber. He assured me it was empty and showed me how to look. Then he told me how great the gun was and how he had one just like it.

The cop thought I was an idiot and suggested I take a class. But up to that point I’d done nothing wrong, nothing illegal.

The cop was right. She is an idiot.

So here I sit at Starbucks, and the irony couldn’t be thicker. On March 12, 2010, I was surrounded by big hairy men with guns on their hips, yelling at me as I led a protest against Starbuck’s gun policy. Today, I’m surrounded by five-year-old boys sitting with their moms at the next table. Now I’m the one with a gun on her hip. The gun makes me more fearful than I could have imagined.

In some way, I feel a certain vindication. I was right to protest Starbucks policy. Today, they have a woman with absolutely no firearms training and a Glock on her hip sitting within arm’s reach of small children, her hands shaking and adrenaline surging.

And her brain totally disengaged. What a clueless liberal twit! Not only should this woman not carry a gun, she should not be allowed to vote. Her voting is far more dangerous than the gun she’s carrying.

There’s more idiocy in part 2.

Only two days into my experiment I went to breakfast with my two kids and some friends. After eating and shopping, my gun with me the entire time, I was anxious to get home to enjoy the warm weather. I put my purse on the counter and then spent the next hour out on the back deck. Walking into the kitchen to refresh our drinks, I noticed my purse with the 9mm Glock still inside it. I’d forgotten to lock it up! Panic set in as I realized my teen son was playing videogames just 10 feet away. What if he’d decided to get the socks I’d bought him from my purse while I was out on the deck? Thoughts raced through my mind and I pondered how I’d just straddled the fine line between being a responsible gun owner and an irresponsible idiot whose 15-year-old just accidentally shot himself or someone else with my gun.

She’s got the “irresponsible idiot” part right. Just remember. She votes. I realize she’s trying to prove a point, but she’s also proving the point that she’s too stupid to own a gun, and she did a fantastic job of doing so. And she’s proud of her stupidity and irresponsibility. This is an example of someone who fell for Hope and Change in 2008 and Forward in 2012. This is an insight into the workings of a liberal brain.

We’re doomed!

Toejam sent me this one.

Su Wong married Lee Wong.

The next year, the Wongs had a new baby.
The nurse brought out a lovely, healthy, bouncy,
but definitely a Caucasian, WHITE baby boy.

“Congratulations,” said the nurse to the new parents.
“By the way Mr. Wong, what will you and Mrs. Wong think
of your new baby?”

The puzzled father looked at his new baby boy and said,
“You sure, OUR baby”, said a startled Mr Wong?

“Of course”, said the nurse, “This hospital has never mixed up a baby in over 50 years. Why do you ask?” (more…)

This one comes from Randy.

An uninformed voter is inconsolable after his dog goes missing. His wife suggests he take out an ad in the newspaper, which he does. But two weeks later, there’s still no sign of the mutt.

“What did you write in the ad?” his wife asks.

“‘Here, boy!'”

This one is from Marty. (more…)

Once again there are assholes galore this week. First up is exSpeaker Blinky who opened her mouth and this bullshit dribbled out.

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi may have finally fallen completely off her rocker Tuesday as she commended the President and her fellow Democrats in Congress for propelling the Left into a “bipartisan, cooperative alternative” party.

The 73-year-old California Democrat seemed to fan-girl over President Obama during a meeting with USA Today’s editorial board Tuesday, calling him “one of the most practically non-partisans I have seen in the White House.” It seems the Commander-in-Chief has earned this special place in Pelosi’s heart by his apparent willingness to work with Republicans to thwart yet another upcoming fiscal crisis.

Seriously, why isn’t this woman in an institution? Obeauzeau is the most partisan president in my lifetime. A few years back she made one of the stupidest remarks I have ever heard a politician say (and that includes rocket scientists like Cynthia McCommie, Sheila Jackson Lee, and Corinne “gradulate the Gata” Brown) when she said about Obummercare, “We will have to pass the bill to find out what’s in it”. Seriously, if a Republican had said that he would have been mocked mercilessly by the LSM, but since she’s a rat bastard commie, like most members of the LSM, she gets a pass. She’s also said stuff like “food stamps cut unemployment” and “paying unemployment cuts unemployment”. And you assholes thought Dan Quayle was dumb? She even makes Biden sound intelligent and that’s not very easy to do.

Next up, a Chattanooga newspaper fires an editor for a headline.

Free Press editor Drew Johnson has been terminated after placing a headline on an editorial outside of normal editing procedures.

Johnson’s headline, “Take your jobs plan and shove it, Mr. President: Your policies have harmed Chattanooga enough,” appeared on the Free Press page Tuesday, the day President Barack Obama visited the city.

The headline was inappropriate for this newspaper. It was not the original headline approved for publication, and Johnson violated the normal editing process when he changed the headline. The newspaper’s decision to terminate Johnson had nothing to do with the content of the editorial, which criticized the president’s job creation ideas and Chattanooga’s Smart Grid. The Free Press page has often printed editorials critical of the president and his policies.

Johnson violated the normal editing process? What does he have to say about that?

The policy I “broke” did not exist when I “broke” it. It was created after people complained about the headline & was applied retroactively.

Assholes!

Since we can’t get enough about St. Trayvon of Skittles here’s more.

Trayvon Martin’s hoodie became a nationwide symbol following his fatal shooting, and now the director of the Smithsonian’s National Museum of African American History wants the original.

The museum’s director, Lonnie Bunch, said Mr. Martin’s hoodie, the one he was wearing the night of his death on Feb. 26, 2012, represents a unique opportunity to further the discussion about race in America, The Washington Post reported.

“It became the symbolic way to talk the Trayvon Martin case. It’s rare that you get one artifact that really becomes the symbol,” he said. “Because it’s such a symbol, it would allow you to talk about race in the age of Obama.”

Actually talking “about race in the age of Obama” means listening to the Black Grievance Industry tell all of us white people and all “white Hispanic” people that we’re a bunch of racists and elevating a gangsta wannabe thug like Trayvon Martin to sainthood.

Guess what else is in this museum?

The National Museum of African American History and Culture is set to open in 2015 and will display objects related to the Civil Rights Movement, such as the handcuffs used to restrain Harvard professor Henry Louis Gates Jr.

Yep! This is the state of race relations in the age of Obungler. And they appear to be getting worse.

This next one is not really an asshole but the booger eatin’ moh-ron of the week. You’ve heard the saying “Don’t bring a knife to a gun fight”? Howza ’bout “Don’t try to rob a gun store with a baseball bat.”

BEAVERTON, Ore. – You’ve heard the old saying ‘don’t bring a knife to a gun fight.’

Well how about a bat? Apparently, that doesn’t work too well either – just ask 22-year-old Derrick Mosley.

Sheriff’s deputies say Mosley walked into Discount Gun Sales on Southwest Beaverton-Hillsdale Highway around 4 p.m. Thursday with a bat in hand and smashed a display case.

But they say when Mosley tried to steal a gun, the store manager simply pulled out his own personal firearm and pointed it straight at the would-be-robber. The manager then yelled some orders at the guy and got him to drop the baseball bat, the gun he had tried to take and a nine-inch long knife he had on him.

When sheriff’s deputies arrived, they found Mosley on the floor being held at gunpoint by the manager. They handcuffed Mosley on the spot and took him into custody on charges of first-degree robbery, first-degree theft, unlawful possession of a firearm and second-degree criminal mischief. Bail was set at $250,000.

Every gun store I’ve been in every employee is packing. What an idiot!

But the coveted award this week goes to the sensitive thugs of the Teamsters Union.

(Via WFB) A judge ordered one of Chicago’s most politically powerful labor unions to suspend picketing against 16 funeral homes last week after receiving reports that striking Teamsters had, among other things, disturbed a child’s funeral.

Such wonderful people.

SCI Illinois Services, Inc., one of the nation’s largest funeral home chains, asked a district court to intervene after striking funeral directors and drivers with Teamsters Local 727 allegedly harassed grieving families.

“We are grateful that the court agreed to issue this temporary restraining order, and we are hopeful that it will help protect grieving families who are experiencing the most difficult times of their lives,” Larry Michael, managing director for SCI Illinois Services, Inc., said in a release. “While we recognize and respect the Teamsters’ right to lawfully picket, we have been shocked and saddened by their attempts to make grieving families the target of the cruel and outrageous attacks.”

And what did these goons do?

The company testified in its filing that union members blocked grieving family members from leaving its parking lot, used bullhorns to shout obscenities at workers and mourners, and unleashed a German Shepard on a dead woman’s daughter and husband.

The funeral home was eventually forced to call the police when picketers allegedly disrupted a child’s funeral with laughter. The officer asked the Teamsters to leave, but protesters returned when he drove away.

What assholes. Here’s your award buttheads. I’d really like to see some of you guys jailed and the guy with the German Shepherd arrested for assault. This is yet another reason I hate unions and their members who are little more than thugs. How they can prey on grieving family members is beyond me. They are no better than the assholes of the Westboro Baptist Church. If there is a Hell, there is a place reserved for these assholes.

Obungler’s getting pissed and is warning that if he doen’t get his way, race relations are gonna get worse.

President Obama said that if economic prescriptions of the type he supports to increase economic growth and reduce “income inequality” are not adopted, then race relations in the United State may deteriorate further.

So is this a threat? Nice little country you white folks have built. It sure would be a shame if sumpin’ happened to it, like some race riots.

But I thought the Obamessiah was gonna fix race relations in the country. That’s why the country voted for him, to prove that we weren’t a bunch of racists.

“If we don’t do anything, then growth will be slower than it should be. Unemployment will not go down as fast as it should. Income inequality will continue to rise,” Obama said in an interview published Sunday by the New York Times. “Racial tensions won’t get better; they may get worse, because people will feel as if they’ve got to compete with some other group to get scraps from a shrinking pot. If the economy is growing, everybody feels invested, ” he said.

Too bad most his policies are impeding that growth. The number one job killer is his pride and joy, Obummercare. Repeal that and unemployment will drop.

In the meantime, he, Holder, and the Congressional Black Caucus are doing everything in their power to increase racial tensions in this country. Exhibit A: St. Trayvon of Skittles. This will not go away. Look for it to resurface next year just in time for the 2014 mid term elections. They’ll need to do sumpin’ to get the blacks to the polls and nothing does that better than some good old fashioned race baiting. Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson will be in high dudgeon. The Black Grievance Industry will go into overdrive and we’ll see Beyonce and Jay Z (whoever he is) pimping the St. Trayvon of Skittles bullshit. We’ll see St. Travon T-shirts and St.Trayvon hoodies. We’ll also see more incidents of blacks beating up whites and Hispanics saying, “This is for Trayvon.” It’s already happening. Oboner, Holder, and the rest of the RWPPs will have blood on their hands. They already do.

Speaking of St. Trayvon of Skittles, I hope people keep track of his girlfriend Precious so we can see how she’s doing when she goes to college on Tom Joyner’s dime. My prediction? If she goes, she won’t last longer than a semester. Some gang banger looking for a baby mama will knock her up and she’ll turn into a welfare brood mare.

Speaking of keeping track of people, I wonder how Peggy Joseph is doing?