Wow! Exactly 48 years ago, I joined the US Navy. I remember taking a train from St. Louis to Chicago and from there, taking a Chicago and Northwestern train to Great Lakes Naval Training Center. I remember it was cold when we got off the train. The Service Weeks met us at the gate, lined us up (“Nuts to butts! Make the guy in front of you smile! If he laughs, you’re too close!”), and marched us off to an assembly hall where we got to spend the night sleeping on a mattress on the floor. They were running guys through boot camp so fast that they had a barracks problem. Ah yes! The sweet memories.
Anyhoo, I went way back in the pun file and found this stinker from Ric.
I once thought that I could make my fortune from the traditional entertainment of a flea circus. Soon I learned that with the brief lifespan of tiny insects, it made sense to train other, larger insects to perform and thus save some time and effort.
But I didn’t realize that there really was no way to make money from such a venture and as it languished, the fleas steadily died off until I was left with only a breeding pair of weevils. Luckily enough, I found someone who was starting his own insect business who wanted to buy my remaining stock. But I thought it better to rent them to him instead of selling them outright.
At long last I had become …… the lessor of two weevils.
quit your day job and re-up
Still hard to beat what McCain became: the turd of the GOP Flea Circus.
Only a squid would find that funny.
Yes! I think you should re-enlist in the Navy, Denny. You’re much needed. Here is the transcript of a radio conversation between a US naval ship and Canadians authorities off the costs of Newfoundland.
Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid collision.
Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north.
Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid collision.
Americans: This is the captain of a US navy ship. I say again divert YOUR course.
Canadians: No. I say again, divert YOUR course.
Americans: This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln, the second biggest ship in the United States Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers, and numerous support vessels. I demand that you change YOUR course 15 degrees north. That’s one five degrees north, or counter measures will be taken to ensure the safety of this ship.
Canadians: We are a lighthouse. Your call.
To your good health, American friends. Laughter is the best medicine.
It was: off the COAST of Newfoundland, of course….
It’s been 46 years & 3 days since I took that step forward and raised my right hand. Saw Ft. Lewis, Ft. Jackson and got an all-expense-paid trip to wonderful SE Asia and several months on beautiful Okinawa. Bet there’re lots of guy here who can spin enchanting tales of wondrous nights on BC Street in Koza, BJ Alley and 2 Dollar Annie.
Any chance, Denny, of some day having an X-rated pun contest? My money’d be on the vets here to win.
Reenlist? BWAHAHAHAHAHA! First off, I’m too old. Second, I’m a crip. Third, I really hated the military. Plus, I got seasick. I am glad that I served and I do have to thank the Navy for my electronics training which I put to good use at IBM and for the GI Bill which helped pay for my college. I’m now using my VA benefits to supplement my health insurance. BTW, I left about $12K on the table back in 1969. Had I shipped over for six more years, that’s the reenlistment bonus the Navy would have given me and I could have shipped over in Nam where it would have been tax free. ET was a critical rate so ET’s, among a few other rates, got the highest reenlistment incentive. $12K was a lot of money back then, but it wasn’t worth another six years of my life having to deal with a lot of incompetent people. IBM paid me a lot more money to deal with incompetent people.
My very first experience with “Hurry up and wait!”
I joined the Navy in August 1972.
The Louisville induction center, being far from any coast, was run by the Army. So it was an Army sergeant who checked me in. Like you, my basic training was to be at Great Lakes. It was at this time that I was introduced to two other Navy recruits who were also inducted that day. After filling out forms and signing a few more papers, we then raised our right hands and took the oath. We were now officially in the Navy. We were then issued a packet containing a set of orders to basic, a one-way airline ticket to Chicago, and a meal voucher for use when we arrived. We were also told to check in with the Naval Liaison officer at the Chicago airport immediately upon our arrival. We then boarded a green military bus which took us to the airport where we arrived just in time to board the plane to Chicago.
The flight was uneventful and only took about two hours. When we arrived in Chicago we immediately set out to find this Naval Liaison officer. After asking directions and searching awhile, we finally spotted him behind a desk appropriately labeled “Navy Liaison”. We were surprised to find that the desk was manned, not by an officer, but instead by a Gunners Mate second named Pettygrew. We approached the desk and I handed him my orders. He gave us all that look of contempt reserved especially for raw recruits. And after examining our papers, he pointed in the direction of a nearby empty bench and growled:
“Sit over there and wait, the bus will be here shortly.”
When we arrived in Chicago, it was the noon lunch hour, and since none of us had eaten since early that morning we were a bit hungry. For some reason I had been elected the unofficial leader of our little group, so it fell to me to once again approach GM2 Pettygrew and ask permission to use the meal tickets that had been issued to us back in Louisville. Again, Petty Officer Pettygrew gave me that contemptuous stare. After a moment, he looked at his watch and growled:
“OK, but be back here in 20 minutes.”
This was not good. Remember, it was noon, and this was Chicago O’Hare airport. As I looked around, I saw that every lunch counter in sight had a mob of people around it. Getting a meal and eating it within 20 minutes was going to be nearly impossible. Hunger however, has a way of bolstering your courage, so the three of us selected the lunch counter that had the shortest line and waited. It took about 15 minutes to make it through the line and to finally give our order. (I chose the fried chicken only because I could see that it was already available, and I wouldn’t have to wait for them to cook it.) By the time we got our food we only had about two minutes left to eat it.
You’ve never seen three guys eat so fast. It would have been comical except that we were serious. I could think of no worse disaster than to be late and miss the bus to the base on the very first day.
We shoveled food for about a minute and then ran back to that waiting bench. (I left over half my meal sitting on the plate.) As the three of us sat down, we all sighed with relief. We had made it in time. We had averted a sure disaster.
The bus showed up about 10:30 that night.