From Melissa in Texas via Ron.

Yep! That pretty well defines it. What a spiteful little man Jug Hussein Ears Downgrade is. He really hates the American people doesn’t he? He especially hates veterans, yannow, those people who sacrificed to make this country great, the country that he and the progressives liberals rat bastard commies want to destroy. Our first black president has already become our worst president. This is what you get when affirmative action meets the Peter Principle.

Bill sent me the following email with these off color puns.

First, this gem of a headline from Rooters about a troubled Canadian electronics firm Research In Motion … RIM … the makers of Blackberry devices: 6,000 RIM jobs are on the line.

Of course, when thinking about RIM jobs, dozens of tongue-in-cheek puns come to mind. For example:

Don’t you feel sorry for the poor assholes who lost their RIM jobs?

Just the fact you’re experienced doing a RIM job is more than enough to get you invited to any gay wedding … if you’ve held a RIM job long enough, you get to be the bride.

How would you like to try to claim unemployment insurance, “I got laid off because I wasn’t all that good at my RIM job … you might say I blew it.

One source claims these laid off people are now first in line as new hires at the TSA.

Some people think that without all these RIM jobs, they may have to shut down the Canadian Parliament.

Of course, wives quit RIM jobs in five years or less … that’s why so many men have girlfriends.

RIM is rumored to be about to offer a new device called the dingleberry. How would you like to put your RIM experience to work making dingleberrys?

I’d better quit now with the puns before I chap your ass.

But wait! He’s not done yet.

And while we’re on the subject of puns, you might want to consider some of these top worst names for websites:

Who Represents … www.whorepresents.com
Experts Exchange … www.expertsexchange.com
Pen Island … www.penisland.com
Speed Of Art …. www.speedofart.com
Cumming (Georgia) Methodist Church … www.cummingfirst.com

So, week before last, I’m driving back to the hotel after enjoying a nice dinner at Cunnetto’s House of Pasta with my old girlfriend Patty and I’m listening to KSHE 95, the best rock station in the world. They have a program called Hair Band Durand where the DJ Durand plays music from some of the hair bands of the 80’s and this song came on by Autograph, a one hit wonder band. For some strange reason, I thought this was a song by Kiss with a keyboard part added. Here’s Turn Up the Radio.

It’s always a mystery why some bands can record a killer song like this and then they cannot do anything else as good the rest of their career. It’s like Boston was able to record that one really great album and then nothing else as good for the rest of their career. Scholz shot his wad on the first one and it took him a long time to reload.

Here’s Ana Vidovic playing Asturias, one of my favorite all time guitar pieces.

Dan sent me this one.

One Friday afternoon an older gentleman walks into a upscale jewelry store with this gorgeous female uninformed voter on his arm, and tells the jeweler that they are interested in a diamond ring. The jeweler removes a tray of jewelry from the display case and places it in front of the couple. The female uninformed voter, giddy with excitement, tries on several. The older gentleman frowns and says, “We were looking for something more exquisite. Larger. Unique. Do you have anything else?”

The jeweler asks the couple to wait, and walk into the back room, opens a safe, and returns with another tray of jewelry. In the center of the tray is a stunning diamond ring, with the stone dwarfing everything else the couple has looked at. The female uninformed voter is hyper-ventilating. The older gentleman picks up the setting, and hands it to the female uninformed voter, who nearly faints as she puts it on. The older gentleman looks at the jeweler and says, “We’ll take it”.

The jeweler asks, “And how would you like to pay for this today?”

The older gentleman says, “I’ll give you a personal check. And I do understand that you’ll want to confirm that I have funds to cover the purchase. So, I’ll give you the check now, you can cash the check Monday morning and I’ll pick up the setting Monday afternoon.” The jeweler nods in acceptance.

Monday morning, the jeweler phones the older gentleman, saying, “Sir, I am afraid you have virtually nothing in your account, are you aware of this?”

The older gentleman replies, “Yeah, I know. But let me tell you about my weekend!”

Would you pick up this hitchhiker? (more…)

So this week we got to see the petulance of our little boy president in action when he erected Barrycades to try to keep WWII veterans from the WWII Memorial. This asshople is not even fit to lick the asses of these veterans. He is a disgrace to the office he holds and to America. I was glad to see the vets storm pass the Barrycades just like they did the beaches of Normandy and the beaches in the Pacific. The rest of the Dimocrats are joining in the gummint shutdown as well and trying to blame this stuff on the Republicans even though they have sent bills funding various parts of the gummint to the Senate where Horrible Harry will not bother to bring them to the floor. Who’s shutting down the gummint?

It’s too easy to give it to Jug Hussein Ears Downgrade since he has elevated assholiness to an art form. I’m giving it to Horrible Harry. Some news wench actually did her job and asked Horrible Harry about why he wouldn’t be willing to fund the NIH.

But..but..but.. I thought the gun grabbing Dimocrats always use this “if one life could be saved” bullshit when they try to pass gun control legislation. Now they’re willing to let children with cancer die. How heartless can they be? Here ya go Harry you heartless SOB. Here’s your award.

Paula sent me this one.

Siamese twins walk into a bar in Canada and park
themselves on two bar stools.

One of them says to the bartender, “Don’t mind us; we’re just joined at the hip. I’m John, he’s Jim. Two Molson drafts, please.”

The bartender, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make polite conversation while pouring the beers. “Been on holiday yet, lads?”

“Off to England next month,” says John. “We go to England every year, rent a car and drive for miles. Don’t we, Jim?”

Jim nods.

“Ah, England!” says the bartender. “Wonderful country … the history, the beer, the culture …”

“Nah, we don’t like that British crap,” says John.
“Hamburgers and Molson’s, that’s us, eh Jim? Besides, we can’t stand
the English – they’re so arrogant and rude.”

“So why keep going back to England?” asks the bartender.

“It’s the only chance Jim gets to drive.”

As my longtime readers know, I used to work for IBM. I worked for IBM for 31.5 years. I started out in the Mattel Office Products Division repairing typewriters, magnetic media typewriters, and dictation equipment (which was pure crap). Selectric typewriters (the kind with the little ball) were fun to work on. I ended up my long career as a systems programmer on the big iron (mainframes) with stops along the way as a Customer Engineer working on mainframes and peripherals, as an instructor teaching mainframes, as an instructor teaching systems programming, while working as a systems programmer which I taught myself how to do after my accident which left me as a T12/L1 incomplete paraplegic. During that time, I was essentially doing two full time jobs as a sysprog and an instructor. I worked for a real good manager at that time who compensated me very well for working those two full time jobs. I finished my career as a full time sysprog where I worked for my CDSM. I would have worked longer, but I got tired of his bullshit and since I had invested my money wisely and had a nice pension, I was able to retire at 58. I was twice offered to come back to my old job as a contractor and both times I turned it down. I turned down a lot of money, but I was tired of his crap.

You prolly read in the news that IBM has dumped its retiree health insurance. That’s not entirely true. What they are doing is giving us money that we can use to buy insurance on exchanges. They have hired a company that is supposed to help us in buying our insurance.

As an aside, when I was in St. Louis, I had dinner with two of my IBM friends who are married to each other. She has full retirement from IBM. He doesn’t since he didn’t work long enough for IBM to get it. He’s on her insurance. She was a bit apprehensive about her insurance options. I said that this is because of Obummercare. That’s the only mention I made of Obeavis that night. It was a bit of a dig since I talked to him on election day and he was voting for Obutthead because “he had kept us out of a depression”. When I mentioned Obummercare, he didn’t say a word and that’s all I said because I really didn’t want to rub his face into it, even tho’ you could say that I did just a little bit. Elections and bad decisions have consequences.

But, I digress.

Originally, I thought that this was gonna suck, because I like the Senior Advantage plan that I have with an HMO. I have been with this HMO since 1986, shortly after I moved to Atlanta and right after this HMO opened up in Georgia. They took care of me when I had my accident and they’ve been taking care of me ever since, so when I heard the news about IBM dumping us on exchanges, I was really pissed.

Right before I left for Camp Blownstar, I received a letter from IBM stating that I could stay with my plan and would deal directly with the HMO and the money that they would put in the Healthcare Reimbursement Account could be used to help pay for it.

As a good little retiree, I had gone on the exchange company’s website and enrolled. Enrolling was a pain in the ass because of the password I had to create. I’m normally able to memorize my passwords but the password rules made it impossible to create a password I could memorize. I dutifully followed all the steps which included posting all the drugs I am on (to help pick out a Part D. plan which I don’t need since I get my meds through my HMO), some medical info about myself and some other pertinent info, and then scheduling an appointment with an enrollment counselor to help me pick out an insurance plan on the exchange. This is not an insurance company. It’s a company that will help me buy insurance.

About three weeks ago, I scheduled my call to talk to a counselor at 7:00 PM last night. Michael and Cindy had invited me over to their house for pizza and to watch the Braves do their usual post season swoon so I had to call the company from their house.

So, I called and after wading through the voice response system, I finally got to speak to a human. It went downhill from there. She told me that there must be some mistake because IBM retirees weren’t supposed to call until November. I muttered under my breath, “I’m shocked!” It must not have been under my breath because she responded, “You’re shocked?”

Yep! I told her I had followed all the instructions on the web site. All the information I had received from IBM said the enrollment period was from October 1 to December 31. I was just following the process. How could the process be wrong?

So she said that while she had me she wanted to verify the info I had already entered. Listening to someone not familiar to the drugs I’m on try to pronounce them is a hoot. Like Oxcarbazapine. That’s a fun one. Or Simvastatin.

I told her that I didn’t need to talk to her about my health insurance since I’m staying with my HMO, but I did need to have help finding a dental plan for me. All she could do was schedule an appointment for me in November since that’s when I should have scheduled my appointment in the first place and I guess I should have known that by some mysterious method. Surprisingly enough, after the “I’m shocked”, my sarcasm was a little more subtle than usual, and I cheerfully let her schedule an appointment in November for me. I wrote it down and hung up.

The Braves lost. I’m shocked! It’s the post season. For some reason, they don’t do well in October. Fourteen straight division tiles under Bobby Cox in the 90’s and the 00’s and they only have one World Series title to show for it. They did leave Dan Ugla off the roster and for some strange reason he was pissed. Maybe if he had hit above .200, they would have let him play. The two highest players on the Braves are Dan Ugla and B.J. Upton. Neither of them hit above .200 this year.

I got home last night and there was a message on my answering machine from the counselor I had talked to earlier. She had talked to her supervisor and was calling to apologize to me for our earlier encounter and told me I could call anytime to schedule an appointment with a counselor. Huh? WTF? That’s what the call last night was supposed to be. And that’s what the call in November is supposed to be. I talked to Cindy about it and she told me that she prolly didn’t talk to her supervisor, her supervisor talked to her. Those calls are recorded and her supervisor prolly noticed how she had screwed the pooch on the call and had chewed her out and told her to call me back and apologize and to try to make it right. Welcome to the new healthcare in America. It will get worse before it gets better.

Elections have consequences.

We’re doomed!

Quick! Is Pope Albert I of the Church of AGW visiting the Dakotas?

SIOUX FALLS, S.D. (AP) — Blizzards rolled into parts of Wyoming and South Dakota on Friday, bringing the snow-savvy states to an unseasonably early wintery standstill by closing highways and schools, and even forcing a tourist town to cancel its annual Octoberfest’s polka-dancing bar crawl.

Oh noes! Not Octoberfest’s polka-dancing bar crawl! Oh, the humanity!

A foot of snow had fallen in western South Dakota’s scenic Black Hills by early Friday, though residents were bracing for as much as 3 feet of the wet, heavy snow and wind gusts of up to 70 mph. The storm system spawned a tornado the night before in Nebraska and was threatening to push thunderstorms as far east as Wisconsin.

But…but…but…I thought the planet was getting warmer. What’s this with blizzards hitting the Upper Midwest in October.

Julie Lee said she and fellow members of her White Rose Band are accustomed to snow, just “not for the fourth of October.” They had barely unloaded their instruments in South Dakota’s Old West casino town of Deadwood before snow started falling and closed the area’s only interstate.

“Our car is like an igloo,” said Lee, who sings and plays the clarinet and saxophone for her North Dakota-based polka band. “I’m glad we got everything out.”

Wow! It’s a good thing we’re going through global warming climate change or you would have really been boned by about thirty feet of snow.

Town officials decided to postpone its annual Octoberfest, including Friday night’s dancing-and-singing pub crawl and Saturday’s Wiener Dog Races and Beer Barrel Games. But Lee and her accordion-playing husband, who had planned to set up in one of the casino bars, still planned to entertain stranded guests. “You can only gamble for so long,” she said.

The typically bustling Pilot Travel Center near Rapid City, about 40 miles southwest, was like a ghost town Friday morning. Store general manager John Barton guessed that drivers were likely heeding forecasters’ warnings to stay off the roads.

The blowing snow was picking up outside the truck stop along Interstate 90, which was closed for about 30 miles thanks to a storm that was gaining strength as it moved in from Wyoming, where the interstate was also closed. Conditions were expected to deteriorate throughout the day.

It’s starting to look more and more like The Last Centurion.

Just think, about fifteen years Pope Albert told us we had about ten years to go before we reached the point of no return and there would be no stopping global warming climate change. There has been no appreciable warming in the last fifteen years and still there are suckers who believe Pope Albert, who’s laughing all the way to the bank selling indulgences carbon credits. Meanwhile, because of the environuts our gummint, led by Jug Hussein Ears Downgrade, is still throwing money down the toilet by financing failed companies like Solyndra.

Fools. Money. Parted with. Unfortunately, if it’s gummint money, it’s our money going down the drain.

We’re doomed!