Ron does another Shakespeare update.

[A Kenyan appears at a doorway]

Oh, barf! What smell through yonder window breaks?
It’s like a dump, and Valerie is the source.
Arise, Febreze, and kill the noxious fume,
Who has already sunk my greatest dream,
That I for blacks would a messiah be:
Let not her scent, which hovers like a fog,
Conceal the siren beckon of my law
And cause invincibles to not enroll
And bear the cost for deadbeat parasites!
It is my signature, my legacy,
The plan which I did steal from Hillary,
And that she knew full well I most desired,
Yet she spoke none to me of its defects.
I was too sure; ‘twas not to me she spoke,
Though of the fairest stars in all the heav’n
I was the brightest. Yet she told me not
Their favorite doctors they could not keep,
Their policies all disapproved would be.
Scores of times, as if an ignorant tool,
I promised that which cannot be allowed
And now am stood in danger of defeat
When mid-term senate races are resolved,
To make of me a lame-duck imbecile
Who never quite knows what is going on
Beneath those words I read and speak so well.

[She responds]

Oh, grow a set.

[He reacts]

Oh, speak again, great pundit; tell me more,
For thou hast led me to the tipping point
Between Mt. Rushmore and the dark abyss
By not explaining health care patiently
In basic terms that I might understand
Before exposing my most tender parts
To Rove, O’Reilly, Baier, and Limbaugh.
Please tell me say why you have abandoned me.

[She sighs]

Oh, Soetoro, sad Soetoro.
Who knows true not his father nor his name.
Would that I had what hangs between your legs
And you had just one tenth of my fine brain.

[He pauses, then in an aside]

(‘Tis truth she speaks, but none I can endure.)

[She continues . . .]

‘Tis arrogance that is your enemy;
Thou art a fraud, and no American.
What’s Obama? It is nor thought, nor deed,
Nor word, nor law, nor any other part
Of America. And this I should know,
Being born in Iran. What’s in a name!
That which we call corrupt politician
By any other name would smell as bad.