This one comes from Heironymus.

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant, and order the ‘Chicken Surprise’.
The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.

Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly
and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around,
before the lid slams back down.

‘Good grief, did you see that?’ she asks her husband.

He hadn’t, so she asks him to look in the pot.
He reaches for it and again the lid rises and he sees two little eyes,
looking around before it slams down.

Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over,
explains what is happening, and demands an explanation.

‘Please sir,’ says the waiter, ‘what you order?’

The husband replies, ‘Chicken Surprise’.

Ah! So sorry,’ says the waiter,

‘I bring you… (more…)

Since we’re in Spring, here’s Spring by Vivaldi.

Glen sent me this one.

A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage. An uninformed voter came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten.

We all looked at each other and another customer asked, ‘What is a seven-hundred-ten?’

She replied, ‘You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one.’

She replied that she did not know exactly what it was, but this piece had always been there.

The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like.

She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to a car just like hers which had its hood up and asked, ‘Is there a 710 on this car?’

She pointed and said, ‘Of course, its right there.’ The mechanic fainted.

Update: I was wondering how many readers would not get this. Here is the solution.

Take a piece of paper. Draw a circle on it. Put 710 in the circle. Turn the paper upside down. Face plant your forehead into the palm of your hand.

And one reader mentioned the ID 10 T light. I had a few users who didn’t understand me when I said their problem was an ID 10 T problem (ID10T). One particular user took offense when I apologized to him for his incompetence in an email. He took the email to my CDSM© who called me on the carpet and told me that IBM didn’t hire any incompetent instructors. I laughed in his face since I supported a few of the incompetent ones.

When I became a full time systems programmer this very instructor took over a class that I had written and delivered for over four years. He had to immediately dumb it down. I had purposely left in a few installation and customization bugs that the students would prolly stumble across since I had done so when I was first building sysplexes. He gave them customization info so they wouldn’t stumble across these problems because he didn’t know how to explain them. I liked to have students mess up with me rather than back in their accounts. The students felt the same way. Even so, there were a few other areas where students could muck up. He called me three separate times for the same problem. Once was OK ’cause it was a neat bug. Twice was still OK, but that time, I told him to write it down. I told him to make a bug log so he wouldn’t have to call me. After all, he billed himself as a “sysplex expert”. Having to call a sysprog for a student bug didn’t make him appear much of an “expert”. It was the third call, when I was home taking a nap, that made me blow up. It was shortly after that when I sent him the email apologizing to him for his incompetence.

He was fired from IBM three months after my CDSM© told me IBM didn’t hire incompetent instructors. My CDSM© did not take too kindly when I pointed this out.

It was because of this dude that my CDSM© did sumpin’ really stupid and decided to implement a new policy. It was a stupid policy and I pointed out to the education delivery managers what their instructors would have to do to conform to this policy. Needless to say, the policy was aborted but because I pointed out to the world how stupid my CDSM© was, it effectively ended my career at IBM. I was busted from team lead, a job I never wanted in the first place, and my appraisal rating was dropped. But my pay wasn’t cut. Same pay. Less responsibility. I’m down with that! I was basically RIP. I still did my job but I no longer put in long hours. In fact, I cut my work hours down to 30 hours a week. What was he gonna do? Fire me? I was eligible for retirement, so all he could do was make me retire, which I did three years later. Being a SRF© has its advantages.

Here’s the good part. A year after I retired, my team lead took me out to lunch. It turned out that the contractor they hired to replace me couldn’t do in 40 hours what I did in 30. They even had to drop one of my projects, (Early Ship Program for z/OS) because no one had the time to do it. So my exCDSM© wanted me to come back as a contractor. BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Not gonna happen. He forgot why he hired me away from the hardware group in the first place and that was software currency. A year later another lunch, another offer. The same result.

I love telling this story. Karma is a bitch! More karma. He was promoted to his bosses job after he retired. They first had to surgically remove his lips from his bosses ass. A year after I retired, he was busted back down to his old job. Then, his wife divorced him. He had three college age daughters. College and weddings for three women. He moved into an apartment across from the data center so he could walk to work. Shortly after that, the data center moved. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I love stories with happy endings!

Just for Toejam here is a woman with some man nips.

(more…)

Yannow, many people have suggested that I just go ahead and give it to Obungler every week. It’s really hard not to. This week the Asshole-in-Chief wanted to make a speech during prime time to tout the fraudulent 7.1 million people signed up for Obummercare. Amazingly enough, the networks refused. This has to be one of the few times that they weren’t willing to perform fellatio on him. Good for them.

But Obumbler can add another AOTW Award to his collection.

Ron sent me this one.

That’s the only answer I could come up with as to why this incompetent asshole could get reelected. Over half of the voters in this country are stupid.

Yannow how the left always says in response to voter ID laws that there is no voter fraud? Yep! Me too. It’s always that voter ID laws are designed to keep poor people, one of the Dimocrat Party’s core constituencies (Which is why they create so many of ’em. Poor people are easier to control), from voting. Well it turns out there is voter fraud. Massive voter fraud!

The North Carolina State Board of Elections has found thousands of instances of voter fraud in the state, thanks to a 28-state crosscheck of voter rolls. Initial findings suggest widespread election fraud.

765 voters with an exact match of first and last name, DOB and last four digits of SSN were registered in N.C. and another state and voted in N.C. and the other state in the 2012 general election.
35,750 voters with the same first and last name and DOB were registered in N.C. and another state and voted in both states in the 2012 general election.
155,692 voters with the same first and last name, DOB and last four digits of SSN were registered in N.C. and another state – and the latest date of registration or voter activity did not take place within N.C.

No voter fraud here, right?

The second point is key, as double voting is election fraud under state and federal statutes. Punishment for double voting in federal elections can include jail time.

In October 2012, Project Veritas produced video showing a Barack Obama campaign worker helping a voter register to vote in both Texas and Florida.

I saw sumpin’ the other day where Al Tawana Brawley Crown Heights Riots Freddie’s Fashion Nart Arson Sharpton welcomed to one of his rallies someone from Ohio who had voted for Obungler multiple times. Culture of corruption.

The Interstate Crosscheck examines 101 million voter records in more than two dozen participating states.

The findings, while large, leave open the question of just how widespread double voting might be since 22 states did not participate in the Interstate Crosscheck.

In addition to the above, the crosscheck found that more than 13,000 deceased voters remain on North Carolina’s rolls, and that 81 of them showed voter activity in their records after death.

Looks like it’s now not only Chicago where dead people vote. Just out of curiosity, I wonder how many of those votes went to Dimocrats? Now you know the real reason Dimocrats are against voter ID laws.

So Jug Hussein Ears just called the GOP budget plan a stinkburger. So that must make his economic plan a shit sandwich. Saw the following graph at Gateway Pundit.

Click on image to enlarge.

He links to this story.

WASHINGTON (AP) — A sense of belonging to the middle class occupies a cherished place in America. It conjures images of self-sufficient people with stable jobs and pleasant homes working toward prosperity.

Yet nearly five years after the Great Recession ended, more people are coming to the painful realization that they’re no longer part of it.

Obamanomics has been a miserable failure.

They are former professionals now stocking shelves at grocery stores, retirees struggling with rising costs and people working part-time jobs but desperate for full-time pay. Such setbacks have emerged in economic statistics for several years. Now they’re affecting how Americans think of themselves.

And Obummercare is gonna make things worse. It already has with layoffs, full time jobs becoming part time jobs, cancellations, and premium hikes.

Since 2008, the number of people who call themselves middle class has fallen by nearly a fifth, according to a survey in January by the Pew Research Center, from 53 percent to 44 percent. Forty percent now identify as either lower-middle or lower class compared with just 25 percent in February 2008.

According to Gallup, the percentage of Americans who say they’re middle or upper-middle class fell 8 points between 2008 and 2012, to 55 percent.

This begs the question, with the economy doing so badly during Obungler’s first four years in office, how did this incompetent boob get reelected? I’ll tell you how. Blacks, liberals, white guilt, and uninformed voters.

One of my old IBM buddies voted for him in 2012 because he “kept us from going into a depression”. This answers my question of why my friend still needs to work full time at 67 years old and his wife of the same age needs to work part time. He and his wife are DINKs (Dual Income No Kids). What did they do with all of their money? With the critical thinking skills that led to him voting for Oblunder, I can now understand why he and his wife still need to work.

Al least there are some schadenfreude moments like liberal voters losing their health insurance or having to pay more. Another thing that gives me a schadenboner is how poorly blacks are doing in the Obumbler economy. This is prolly the worst they have done in the last 50 years. They did far better under Reagan and both Bushes than they have done under the Obamessiah. They got what they voted for, good and hard.

Oblamebush and the Dimocrats really love poor people. That’s why they create so many of them.

Elections have consequences.

My sister sent me this post from Tom Kratman. He’s a military science fiction writer who has written some books with John Ringo and some on his own. He really hits the nail on the head with this post. Here’s Rule Number 18.

18. The worst racists are liberals, mostly white ones, who assume that blacks and hispanics are so inferior that only affirmative action in perpetuity would give them a remotely fair chance. (That this also keeps a lot of liberal white social workers and bureaucrats employed is, of course, merely incidental. Ahem. Dipshits.)

Read the rest at the site.

I’ve been writing about Rule 18 for years. What does it say to a black or Hispanic that he/she is too stupid to compete with whites? That’s what affirmative action implies. That’s what lowering standards implies. It doesn’t happen with Asians. In fact they do better than whites. Many of them come to this country with nothing and within a generation, they do better than people born here.

Look at our current president. What has he actually accomplished in his life? Editor of the Harvard Law Review? He was the first editor of this publication who never wrote a piece for it. Never!

We don’t know what kind of grades he received because he won’t release his college transcripts. What is he hiding? The LSM propaganda arm of the Dimocrat Party is always extolling his intelligence. He’s the “smartest man in the room”. Where’s the proof?

He “wrote” two autobiographies. Nope. They were actually written by someone else, prolly his terrorist buddy William Ayers.

He didn’t write any legislation while a state senator or a US senator. He won his state senate seat by having his opponents disqualified. When running for the US Senate, his opponent’s sealed divorce records were somehow unsealed and his opponent dropped out of the race. How come it’s always a Republican’s sealed records which are made public? It never seems to happen to a Dimocrat. Funny how that works.

He got elected president due to overwhelming black support, white guilt, and brainwashed youth who thought it would be neat to have a black president. Dear kids, you’re gonna be the ones who will suffer the most with what Obungler has done to this country. Your Social Security will not be as good as mine. Healthcare will get more expensive and the quality will drop because of Obummercare. With the debt this country is running up, your standard of living will not be as good as my generation’s. But you did elect the first black president. Suckers!

Then in his reelection campaign, with the worst recovery from a recession in my lifetime, the Stupid Party ran the only Republican who couldn’t run against Obummercare. Since blacks are held to lower standards than whites, he was able to get reelected, though he didn’t get as many votes as he got in the first election. Some people wised up. Blacks didn’t, even though they were better off during the administrations of Reagan and both Bushes. Skin color trumps reality. Suckers!

His only skill is being able to read words off a TelePrompTer written by others. He is our first affirmative action president and as has happened so often in business affirmative action met the Peter Principle. His foreign policy is a joke. The economy is stuck in the doldrums. He has to keep delaying the implementation of Obummercare. The employer mandate has been pushed back until after the 2014 elections. The only reason unemployment is dropping is people are giving up looking for jobs. Obummercare has caused many full time jobs to become part time jobs. Obumbler has become the black Jimmah Carter.

Of course, they no longer call it affirmative action any more since it led to the hiring and promoting of unqualified people. I saw it a lot at IBM. Whatever to do? Rebranding. That usually works and that’s what they did. Affirmative action has been renamed Diversity (All Hail Diversity!) Of course, they threw some crumbs to Hispanics, women, gays, and cripples (No Asians. They don’t need it.) to make it look good, but it’s just repackaged affirmative action. Want proof? Look at the person responsible for Diversity (All Hail Diversity!) at your company. Dollars to donuts it will be a black person.

I’ve written posts about many of the other rules as well like Rule 8.

8. It’s not racist to note that white liberalism managed to do in about thirty years something that three hundred years of slavery could not, seriously damage the black family, generally though not universally, and ruin it completely over wide swaths.

Yep! If the KKK (the terrorist arm of the Dimocrat Party) wanted to destroy the black family, what would they have done differently than the Dimocrat Party? What’s more, they got the useful idiots in the Congressional Black Caucus to buy into these destructive policies. LBJ was a genius. He said about welfare, “the niggers would vote Dimocrat for the next 200 years”.

Amazing!

Stole this after one of the criplets posted it on Facebook.

Doctors and prostitutes actually have a function in society. TSA agents? Not so much. Many of them are little Hitlers on power trips. Here in Atlanta, most of ’em are black and they really enjoy bossing white people around. So far, the rudest TSA agents I’ve encountered were here in Atlanta. And then, we have the political correctness. We don’t dare profile and pick out the people most likely to hijack airplanes. Instead, they strip search little old ladies and little old men so they won’t offend Mooslimes and other people of Middle East descent, yannow, the people who actually hijack airplanes.

Political correctness is gonna destroy this country.