Yep! This is the last episode of this year’s season so to make it add up to 24 hours, this episode will cover 13 hours. But first, the previouslies:

Cheng educates Adrian: “We pay you to develop the Override (OD) not to give it away to the rest of the world.” Terms of the contract dude! Do you know what happens when you don’t fulfill the terms of a contract with a bunch of terrorists? They kill you. Chloe scolds Adrian, as only she can, for working with Cheng and asks him if he’s insane. Yep! He’s a liberal. Liberalism is a mental disease. She tells Adrian what Cheng did to Jack and Audrey. If only he could be so lucky. Nope. He gets a bullet from Cheng in his liberal brain. One of Cheng’s Chink techs sends an order to a US sub to sink a Chink aircraft carrier, which they do. It only took two torpedoes. That’s efficiency! Prez Biden tells Prez Chink that Cheng did it. Prez Chink doesn’t believe him. Really? Would you? He thinks Cheng is pushing up daisies somewhere. Prez Biden tells Jack that he has to find Cheng and the OD. Really? No shit, Sherlock! Cheng tells Boris that he was supposed to take Jack out. I would have it hadn’t been for Rocky and Bullwinkle. I know. That joke is getting old, but I still think it’s funny ’cause this guy reminds me of a cross between Boris and a wrestler named Krusher Kruschev. He tells Cheng that his people will meet him at the dock. Chloe swings a pipe around in the truck clocking some Chinks and escaped through the side of the truck, rolled down a hill, and hit her head on something and passed out. Jack exposes ACOS (Asshole Chief of Staff) in front of Prez Biden who tells him he’s gonna have him arrested for treason. Jack sez he can use him to get inside Boris’ house. Boris and ACOS get into a fight and crash into some glass. A shard gets lodged in Boris’ throat who dies but not before telling Jack that the Rooskies will never stop looking for him. This sounds like what the Chinks planned after Jack broke into their embassy in Las Angeles in Season 4. They managed to catch him at the end of one of the seasons. Audrey tells Prez Biden that she has a contact in the Chink Embassy who may be able to help convince the Chinks about Cheng. They meet, but a sniper kills Audrey’s Secret Service detail and her Chink friend. Cheng, who somehow got her phone number, calls Audrey and tells her to sit down on the bench and he might let her live. That’s big of him.

And we’re off! Lots of action tonight. Lots of blood. Lots of Chinks and Rooskies killed, mostly by Jack.

We start with Audrey sitting on the bench looking worried. Her friend reaches out to her. She’s still alive! Audrey gets up to help her. Cheng tells her to sit back down. She tells him she’s alive and wants to take of her. Cheng has the sniper shoot her again. That took care of that. What an heartless asshole.

Moving back to Boris’ house, Jack, Kate, and ACOS (too bad he didn’t get a pane in the neck like Boris) are looking in Boris’ office for clues. Jack notices a false bottom in the first drawer he looks in (convenient) and breaks it with his elbow. Inside is a cellphone (which is also a computer, BTW) which requires Boris’ thumbprint to log on. Fortunately, Boris just happens to be laying there and doesn’t need his thumb anymore so Jack is able to log on. He finds emails referring to a shipment leaving tonight and brilliantly deduces that Cheng and his minions are the shipment. Can’t get much past Jack Bauer. Just as Kate is about to call in a tac team to go to the docks, ACOS finds a video of Audrey on the bench. Jack tells Kate to nix the tac team. He needs to rescue Audrey first. Cheng calls Jack (how does he get all these numbers?) and tells him to quit tracking him or Audrey will die. If he comes near him, Cheng will have her shot. When he’s safely away, he’ll release her. Yeah. Like that’s gonna happen.

ACOS starts whining that it’s all over and not to do anything because he would be condemning Audrey to death. What a weasel! If he hadn’t fingered Jack for the Rooskies, Jack would have caught Cheng at Hacker Den 2.0 and this would be all over an hour ago. And then he tells Jack, “She loves you.” No shit!

“Shut up”, screams Jack!

Kate tells Jack to go after Cheng and that she will rescue Audrey.

“Do you really think you can handle this?”

“Yes.” (After all, I am taller than you.) Normally in these spy shows, like Covert Affairs on the USA network, the babes wear boots with heels. If Kate did that, she’d tower over Jack.

Jack tells Kate to call Audrey’s office to find out where she went and to put together a small team to take out the sniper and rescue her. “Keep me posted every step of the way.”

Meanwhile, at the CIA, Prez Biden and the bigwig military dudes show up. What ever happened to black Bigwig General? Did he get demoted for not finding the override code on the Drone Pilot’s flight key? They are greeted by Black Dude. This is sumpin’ new for 24. Normally when the head of station is shot or commits treason, the temporary guy who takes over only lasts for about an hour or two until Division sends someone over to take charge. Guess they couldn’t afford another actor for that this season. Anyway, Black Dude tells them where to go. A conference room at the top of the stairs has been set up. Prez Biden’s aide gives him a status update on Jack and Audrey which is nothing. Prez Biden asks a bigwig Admiral for a status but the Smart Mouth Colonel responds. He sure ain’t an admiral with two stripes on his sleeve, shoulder boards, and crossed rifles on his collar.

Meanwhile Chloe has awakened and is walking along a lonely road when a nice couple in a car stops and lets her use their phone. She calls Jack and tells him what’s up. He sez he got her message at Hacker Den 2.0 so Chloe did turn on the recording function of the phone she tried to grab. She tells him where she is and they arrange to meet.

Back at the CIA Prez Biden is talking to Prez Chink once again trying to avert a war. He tells him he will respond to the Chink actions. They get in a pissing contest. He tells Prez Chink that they have agents in the field chasing Cheng and they will produce him. Prez Chink tells him Cheng is dead and to piss off. Prez Biden tells him that there is a red line at the twelve mile limit off Okinawa and that he is not Obungler and when he draws a red line, he means it.

At the dock, Cheng and his merry band of Chinks pull up and the Rooskie captain tells them to get aboard and they’re splitting in fifteen minutes. Cheng wants to leave before then. The captain sez, “That would draw scrutiny that neither of us want.”

Jack picks up Chloe who tells him she tried to get the OD from Adrian but he pulled a rod on her. She also tells him that Adrian manipulated her and used her knowledge to help create the OD. She feels partially responsible and that’s why she has to help him. She wants to run comms for him and do all that Chloe shit that she was so good at when they both worked at CTU. Just like old times. Together again. He tells her about Audrey and that’s why he’s playing lone wolf.

Back to the park bench where Kate is skulking through the woods. Kate calls Audrey and tells her not to react to the call. She asks Audrey to make a sudden move to get a warning shot so she can spot the sniper which she does and Kate does. The sniper calls Cheng to tell him that Audrey moved and Cheng tells him if she moves again to take her out. Geez. Can’t she even scratch her ass. Kim Raver has a boney ass anyway. It gets sore sitting on the bench.

Kate updates Jack.

Jack pulls up to the docks where he is met by his Faithful Serbian Companion, Tonto. Chloe heads up to the roof of a building where she can tie into a conveniently located satellite dish so she can use a satellite to tell Jack where all the bad guys are. Chloe gives Jack and Tonto targets and they take them out with silenced assault weapons.

Back at Cheng’s control center on the ship one of his tech dudes has “been running scans” and has noticed downloads from the satellite. Cheng has the Rooskie captain do a roll call of his minions. All he receives is static. Cheng has his tech dude cut the download and redirect the feed to his laptop. He tells the Rooskies to find Chloe.

Chloe calls Kate to tell her they’ve been busted so she better act now.
Cheng calls his sniper to take out Audrey. Kate bursts from the bushes, Audrey gets behind the bench, and Kate and her team take out the sniper. With handguns? Really? At that distance? Puh-lease! No frickin’ way! But, they save Audrey.

Kate calls Black Dude and tells her she’s rescued Audrey and to send the posse down to the docks. Black Dude is all WTF? He didn’t know any of this shit was going on. Sounds like the last manager I worked for at IBM.

Back at the docks, the Chinks cut Chloe’s sat feed and jam Jack’s and Chloe’s comms. Now the Chink tech dude can see Jack and Tonto. Cheng pulls a gun on the captain and sez, “We’re leaving now!”

Jack hears the engines start and sends Tonto down to the engine room to stop the engines.

OK. I’m calling bullshit right now. This is not how it works. First off, you have to have crewmen doing shit like casting off. Single up all lines. Cast off. Next, you don’t just leave. You have to have a harbor pilot. He, along with tugs, take the ship out of the harbor. Then he hops on the pilot boat and goes back to the harbor. You don’t just leave. Three years of sea duty in the Navy talking here.

Anyway, back to Audrey. Everyone’s relieved. Kate is telling Audrey where Jack is and what’s going on. All of a sudden, a Chink with a machine gun shows up and guns down a CIA dude and Audrey and escapes in a car. Oh no! After all that work, Audrey dies and right before she dies, a tear comes out of her eye. Fortunately, she never learned that her husband committed treason. Cheer up Kate! This makes Jack a free agent. Your husband’s dead and Audrey’s dead. You and Jack. What a team! You have so much in common. You’re as tough and as hot as FBI Babe even if you are a bleached blonde.

Kate has to call Jack with the bad news. Bad news for Cheng. Jack goes all Jack Bauer and starts spraying fire and killing Chinks and Rooskies right and left. He even kills one of the bad guys with a meat cleaver.

Tonto makes it down to the engine room and has them shut the engines down.

Jack takes out the rest of Cheng’s Chinks by using one as a shield while shooting the other ones even firing a few shots through his shield. Then he and Cheng go all Kung Fu with Jack beating the crap out of Cheng. Jack tells him, “You should have stayed hidden like a rat!”

Back at the CIA, Prez Biden has given the Navy permission to engage the Chink Navy. Jack calls the CIA holding Cheng with a Samurai sword under his chin. “Tell them who you are!” Gavin sez he has facial recognition and voice recognition. Jack disconnects the call. “This is for Audrey you son of a bitch!” He then beheads him. That was too easy. If I were Jack I would do it a body part at a time.

They send the files to Prez Chink. Prez Biden calls him up and asks if he’s seen the files. He tells Prez Chink if he doesn’t turn his ships around, he will engage. Prez Chink does and sez he wants reparations for the sunken carrier and the people aboard. He agrees and they hang up.

Prez Biden’s aide tells him about Audrey and he collapses. Look! ACOS is there. When did he show up? How do you feel asshole? Audrey would still be alive if you hadn’t been so jealous.

Back at the docks, Jack and Tonto go looking for Chloe. They get up to her command station and it’s a mess. Obviously a struggle took place. Tonto spots blood. Jack’s phone rings. How do these guys always know the telephone numbers? All we hear is Jack’s side of the conversation.

“Who is this?”

“When?”

“Where?”

“Understood. I’ll be there.”

Commercial break. When we return the clock has jumped forward to 10:50:54 AM. I trust everyone got a good night’s sleep.

We’re at the CIA. Kate tells Black Dude, who still hasn’t been replaced by someone from Division, that she’s written her after action report. Black Dude tells her what happened to Audrey wasn’t her fault. She goes into her office and obviously disillusioned by what happened yesterday places her badge and her gun on the desk. She graps her coat and splits.

Black Dude goes into the room where they’re holding ACOS and tells him the guys with him are gonna escort him to an airbase where he’s gonna be flown back to the US. He looks like shit. He asks how the president is and Black Dude sez he’s boarding Air Force One.

Moving to the tarmac where AF-1 is parked, we see a flag draped casket being removed from a hearse with a military honor guard. It’s obviously Audrey. The Prime Minister is standing next to Prez Biden and is giving him his condolences. Whoa! Right behind him is Icy British Blonde Babe. I only wish she had a bigger role. In real life she’s prolly a MILF. Prez Biden tells the PM he won’t remember any of this. So sad.

Outside London at a junkyard. A chopper lands. There are snipers on the top of buildings. A car arrives. Jack and Tonto get out.

“Do you really want to go through with this?”

“Yeah.”

Chloe gets out of the chopper. It looks like it’s a trade: Chloe for Jack.

Jack yells, “She walks first!”

As they pass each other Chloe tells him that he doesn’t have to do this. He tells her, “It’s time for you to go home.” He also tells her she was right when she told him she was his best friend. Many seasons of 24 confirm that. They briefly hold hands. So touching. I’ve always liked Chloe. In many ways she was like me. She didn’t suffer fools gladly. I remember one season she worked with a dude name Edgar and she was always telling him to shut up.

When he gets to the Rooskie he tells him that if anything happens to Chloe or his family his entire world will come apart. What can they do to Jack that Cheng didn’t do to him for one-and-a-half years. The Rooskie tells him all they want is him. He gets in the chopper and they fly away. I know, we all expected that maybe he would beat the crap out of everyone and commandeer the chopper. Nope. The ssason’s over.

No more Ka-chunks.

A really good season with a really crappy ending. What ever happened to Simone? Did she wind up dying?