Another exciting episode but first, the previouslies:
Black Dude tells Prez Biden that the OD (Override Device) was stolen and that Adrian has it. He also tells him it’s more powerful than they thought and that it can bypass the firewalls of the defense systems of most countries. Adrian and Chloe walk into Hacker Den 2.0 to find that Adrian’s Merry Band of Hackers are all dead. Cheng and his minions walk in behind them. Cheng tells Adrian he hired him to develop the OD for him, not to give it away to the rest of the world. Chloe asks Adrian if he’s insane for working for Cheng and tells him he tortured Jack and Audrey. Cheng shoots Adrian in the head. He got what he deserved. Jack tells Black Dude that they’ve got a lock on the tracking device IBM Manager put on the OD and they are heading off to the rescue followed by tac teams. Audrey and ACOS (Asshole Chief of Staff) have a little tiff about Jack. Jack gives Boris tracking info for Jack. Jack and Kate get T-boned by a truck driven by Rooskies and get in a firefight. Cheng’s Chink tech dude sends an order to a US sub to sink a Chink aircraft carrier. They launch two torpedoes that score direct hits. Chloe sez, “Oh my God!” And we’re off.
Prez Biden is in a meeting with his military bigwigs when an aide brings in a message to a bigwig admiral that a satellite has detected explosions on a Chink carrier in the Middle East. DIA patches in the satellite feed so they can see the damage on the carrier.
Off to more excitement with Jack and Kate fighting a band of Rooskies. Even more Rooskies show up. It doesn’t look too good for our heroes.
Back at Hacker Den 2.0, Cheng has his tech dude disconnect the OD from the Naval command server. Chloe asks Cheng if he wanted to start a war between China and the US, why he would attack one of his own country’s carriers? He tells her, “China turned its back on me. It’s not my own country.”
One of Cheng’s other minions shows him the firefight on the CCTV. Cool show! Cheng recognizes Jack. I guess all round-eyes don’t look alike to Cheng. Cheng discovers the tracking chip on the OD and removes it. Then he tells one of his minions to scramble the CCTV. Cheng decides to take Chloe with him because what’s in her head is “extremely valuable”. So was what was in Adrian’s head? He only designed the OD, but you killed him. As they leave, Chloe tries to grab a phone but Cheng spots her and takes it away from her. Nice try Chloe.
Back at the firefight Kate tells Jack to aim at some conveniently placed propane tanks which he does and they explode taking out some Rooskies. That will put the fire in firefight. Just in the nick of time, when both Kate and Jack run out of ammo, the cavalry arrives in the form of a tac team and they rescue Jack and Kate. After getting more ammo from the tac team, Kate issues a bunch of commands and tells them to lock down the area.
Jack walks into Hacker Den 2.0 only to find that all of Adrian’s Merry Band of Hackers have been killed along with Adrian his own self. He also finds the tracker. Kate comes in and finds a phone that’s still recording, prolly the one that Chloe tried to grab and she was able to turn on the recording app. She plays back the recording and Jack immediately recognizes Cheng’s voice.
The action moves back to the Prez Quarters where Prez Biden is watching the news about the sunk Chink carrier. Jack calls Prez Biden and Jack tells him that it’s Cheng who’s responsible for sinking the Chink carrier. You can see Audrey react to that bit of news since she had been turned into a rutabaga by Cheng. Prez Biden tells Jack that Cheng is dead. Jack sez he would recognize the voice of a dude who tortured him for a year-and-a-half. I bet Audrey would too altho’ he only tortured her for a year. Jack tells Prez Biden that they were attacked by Rooskies. You can see ACOS’ reaction to that since he had set Jack up. Dude! It’s your fault that Cheng got away with the OD, you traitorous weasel. When Audrey finds out that little piece of info your marriage will be over. Maybe you can figger out a way to die as a hero.
Prez Biden asks Audrey if she’s OK.
“Audrey sez, “He was dead! Everyone said he was dead!”
I guess the answer to the Prez’ question is, “No.”
Meanwhile back at the ranch CIA, Gavin is trying to unscramble the CCTV feed that the Chinks messed up. First IBM Manager did it and now the Chinks did it. What a crappy system. Of course the satellites are out of position. Black Dude tells Jack that the tac team found a tablet that the Rooskies were using to track Jack and they had the code for his comm link. Gavin tells Jack that ACOS requested it. Jack’s gonna do a number on that dooshbag before this hour is over. He and Kate head for the Prez Quarters.
In the Chink truck, which looks like a crowded subway car since Cheng is standing up holding on to a strap, Cheng makes a phone call to … Holy crap! It’s Boris! He’s still riding around in his car looking for Moose and Squirrel. I see he’s taken Cheng’s call but not ACOS’ calls. He’s been in cahoots with Cheng. No wonder he had a hard on for Jack and wanted to catch him so bad. Cheng tells him that Jack is still in the picture.
“I sent a team to recover him.”
“Looks like we’re gonna need a bigger boat.”
“You should have sent a bigger one.”
Well I was busy looking for Moose and Squirrel and I didn’t have Natasha to help me.
He tells Cheng to head for the docks and that he’ll be out of the country in less than an hour on a ship flying a Dutch flag. I doubt that will happen since we have less than an hour to go but Cheng prolly has an ace or two up his sleeve knowing that slippery devil. He’s dealing with Jack Bauer so I’m sure he’s gonna die no matter how many aces he has up his sleeve. Boris gets home right about the time the call ends.
Back in the CIAmobile, Jack explains to Kate, and all of us, why Cheng wants to start a war between China and the US. Cheng lost in a power struggle in China and went to jail. The Rooskies must have busted him out.
Back at the Prez Quarters, ACOS tries to get Audrey to leave either because he’s worried about her or because he’s worried that Jack might show up and expose what he did in front of her. Doesn’t matter dude. Your marriage is over.
Prez Biden talks to Prez Chink and tries to tell him the story about the OD and tells him that Cheng was behind it. Prez Chink calls bullshit and tells him Cheng is dead. Nice try Prez Biden. Looks like war unless Jack can produce Cheng and the OD.
After the call Prez Biden gives a bunch of orders to the military bigwigs and his various aides and tells them to give Jack anything he needs. Audrey tells Prez Biden she has a contact at the Chink Embassy and wants to reach out to her and maybe she can use her to help. Why not? It’s worth a try.
One of the military bigwigs tells Prez Biden that the Chinks have scrambled some planes and some destroyers are leaving Chink ports.
Jack calls Audrey who tells him to kill Cheng. Geez Audrey, you know Jack will do that. You don’t have to tell him to do sumpin’ he’s gonna do anyway. He tells her some things are gonna happen today (like killing ACOS) and he doesn’t want her to hate him forever. She tells him she could never hate him. After all, she went to China looking for him after he was captured and Cheng caught her and turned her into a turnip. It’s obvious that she’s still in love with him. There are a lot of heavy sighs, emoting, and long pauses going on on this call. Blah. Blah. Blah. OK writers, you’ve killed enough time. Let’s get back to the action. After Jack hangs up, Kate gives Jack a WTF was that all about look. She prolly thinks Jack is still hung up on Audrey and there’s no hope for them. Given the choice, I’d pick Kate, even with the bleached blonde hair. She’s not all skin and bones like Audrey is and she’s better in a fight, kinda like a blonde version of FBI Babe.
Back at the Prez Quarters, the military bigwigs tell Prez Biden that it looks like the Chinks are headed for Okinawa. Bigwig Colonel (A freakin’ colonel? WTF is he doing there making decisions? These are decisions for flag rank officers, not colonels) tells Prez Biden to raise the threat level of our nuke forces. Prez Biden tells him that he does not want to be the first president to use nukes. Dude! Your Alzheimer’s is getting worse! You would be the second prez to use nukes. Truman was the first. Who do you think you are with that knowledge of history, Obungler? Bigwig Colonel tells him that in nukes we outnumber them 10 to one. Do you realize how many Chinks there are in China and how many nukes it would take to kill them all?
Jack shows up and sez he needs to speak with Prez Biden and ACOS in private. They leave the room and Jack slams ACOS up against the wall and shoves a gun in his face and asks him why he set him up with the Rooskies.
“I’m sorry”, he whines like a little girly man.
That sets Prez Biden off. “You’re working for the Russians and you’re telling me you’re sorry?”
He spills the beans and tells him about forging Prez Biden’s signature on a rendition order because he thought Jack was a traitor. He doesn’t dare tell him he’s jealous of Jack and thought he would lose Audrey. It wouldn’t surprise me if he died before the season is over and they tell Audrey he was a hero. That’s what I would do if I were one of the writers.
He tells Jack and Prez Biden that he had no idea that Boris was working with Cheng. Jack tells him he’s an idiot and that Boris is an intelligence operative and his cover was that of deputy foreign minister. Everyone knows that. Everyone except ACOS. And this dude is Prez Biden’s chief of staff? Holy crap! That’s like an argument I had with someone Saturday night about whether or not an iPhone was a computer. For the record, it is. Anyone who knows about computers knows that.
Prez Biden tells ACOS that he’s placing him under arrest for treason. Jack sez he can use him to help him bag Boris and find Cheng. There’s that lampshade that looks like a KFC box again.
Back at the CIA Black Dude is working with Gavin to get schematics for Boris’ house. “Send what you got”, sez Kate who is now driving the CIAmobile to Boris’ house. Jack is in the back seat with ACOS. He gives him a wireless comm for his ear which will enable Jack and Kate to hear him and also speak to him. He gives him a camera disguised as an American flag lapel pin. Nice touch for a traitor. He tells him to make sure to face the security keypad so they can get the name of the security system and see the positions of the security guards.
ACOS whines, “What if he doesn’t go for this?”
“You make him go for it. You persuade him. You’re good at that.” As well as being a weasel and a dooshbag.
“What happens when the bullets start to fly?’
Jack tells the cowardly pussy to stay low.
Back in the Chink truck, Cheng is bitching at one of his tech dudes for taking too long to add the truck to the cargo manifest to get them through security at the docks.
“You’re taking too long. Perhaps she would have better luck”, referring to Chloe. She prolly would. She sees a pipe, picks it up, and starts swinging it around the truck knocking some of the Chinks down and she jumps out of the side of the truck. The truck stops and the Chinks swarm out after her giving chase. She trips, rolls down the hill, and hits her head on sumpin’ which knocks her out.
While they’re looking for Chloe, a Brit Army truck pulls up and asks them if they need any help. Just a thought but wouldn’t you think Prez Biden would have called the Prime Minister and told him there were some Chinks driving around London with the OD and have the Brits put out an APB and a BOLO for Cheng and his minions? Just a thought.
The Brit soldier tells them to move and that there was no stopping on this road. Right there, that should have raised a flag. Cheng has his minions get back in the truck and they continue on their merry way, undisturbed by the authorities.
Back at the Prez Quarters the military bigwigs update Prez Biden on the status of the Chink forces. Another aide tells him the PM talked to Prez Chink with no luck. The PM should be talking to his military and his cops about Cheng being on the loose with the OD. No update from Jack or Audrey either. Bad news all around.
Time to take some crazy pills which he spills on the floor. That doesn’t give the military bigwigs a lot of confidence in Prez Biden. Now, everyone in the room prolly figgers he’s losing his marbles. Just a little more than an hour until Jack saves the day.
Uh oh! The Chinks just launched two missiles that take out two surveillance satellites. “Move some AWACs into position!”
One of the military recommends raising the defense level to DEFCON 3 which Prez Biden does.
Meanwhile Jack, Kate, and ACOS pull up next to Boris’ house. ACOS walks up to the gate and tries to get in. Boris sez to send him away. ACOS asks to speak to Boris where he gives him some song and dance about wanting to defect. He should of told him he knew where Rocky and Bullwinkle were. He finally talks Boris into letting him in. The guard searches him but misses the comm link and the camera. He gets a good shot of the security panel and Gavin goes to work.
Boris takes ACOS into his office where they start bargaining. What? No vodka shots? What kind of a Rooskie are you? You should be downing shots with your new BFF ACOS. Jack sez through his earpiece, “Sell it to him.”
Gavin sez all he can do is jam the signal but them proceeds to open the gate so I guess he can do more than jam the signal. Jack shoots the guard at the gate with a silenced pistol. Boris sees the displays in his office go off and reaches for a gun in his desk.
Gavin opens the door and Jack and Kate enter and kill all the guards.
ACOS actually tries to fight with Boris over the gun. Boris winds up going through a glass door and gets a glass shard in his neck. Talk about a pane in the neck. He pulls it out and we see a blood spurt. Must have hit the carotid artery. Jack sends Kate for a towel. Jack shouts, “Where is Cheng?” Like Boris is gonna tell him. He tells Jack the Rooskies will never stop looking for him. Then, it’s bye bye Boris. He never will get Rocky and Bullwinkle and he’ll never see Natasha again.
Cut to Audrey at a park bench. She makes the case to her Chinese friend and gives her the evidence she has to take to her father. As she is leaving a sniper kills her and Audrey’s two Secret Service guards. Great shooting! Audrey’s phone rings. It’s Cheng! How did he get her number? He tells her to sit down on the bench and he may let her live. Audrey looks panic stricken.
Kachunk! Kachunk! Kachunk!
No decent commercials. I fast forwarded through everything. I’ll tell you advertisers, if you want me to stop and watch your ads it takes boobage or hot babes like that cellphone commercial where the dorky looking guy sees two hot babes on the beach in bikinis. The blonde babe has an awesome rack! Yeah. I’m a sexist pig. What was your first clue?
Next week is the final episode. It looks like Kate rescues Audrey. Prez Biden gives permission for American forces to engage the Chinks. Chloe is back in action. Jack’s Faithful Serbian Companion, Tonto returns. Jack goes on another rampage. Someone important dies and is given a funeral. Must be Prez Biden. I read that the last episode is gonna cover more than just an hour. I can hardly wait!
I think one of the reasons this season has been so good is that it doesn’t have all of the filler it had when they had to stretch it out for 24 hours. This has been more nonstop action.
