I love this time of year in the Georgia Piedmont. Cool nights and moderate days with the temperature in the upper 60’s and lower 70’s. Perfect for working in the yard. So, I did some stuff to make the HOA Nazi happy.
A few weeks ago I got a “Courtesy Reminder” which is the HOA’s euphemism for a violation notice. They now enclose a picture of the violation. In my case, it was a picture of two beds that needed weeding. I waited a few weeks and then did the weeding and spread some pine bark mulch on them. Much to my surprise I received a “Second Notice Of Violation”. How could that be? I obediently took care of the two beds in the picture. This time, they had a picture of an entirely different bed. That’s cheating. The clock should have been reset. As usual, I waited a few weeks before taking care of that bed, which I did today. We’ll see if I get the dreaded “Third Notice of Violation” which is where they start threatening me with fines. The current Nazi, who ironically is Jewish, sends the “Third Notice of Violation” by certified mail to ensure the threat is received. Bitch!
After that, I took care of the important stuff. I prepared two of my vegetable garden beds for the winter. I pulled up the remaining stuff and took care of the weeds. Then I covered the two beds with grass clippings from my compost heap. I took care of the tomato bed and the string bean bed. The tomato bed is gonna be the compost heap for nest year. The string bean bed will be the tomato bed. I got one more bed to go. My lawn dude will cut my grass two more times this year and the last time he’ll get all of the leaves that have fallen and all of that will be put on the beds. That keeps the weeds in check over the winter and makes it easier to plant in the Spring.
Used to have an HOA at my old house. At least your HOA sends pictures. Mine would send me violations for my neighbors leaving their garbage cans out. They always said it was mine. Bringing in the empty garbage can was my oldest child’s chore on Mondays, since he was young and wasn’t string enough to put a full garbage can out. He always brought it in because he wanted to get paid. I also had to go and defend myself after my neighbors had some concrete put in and their contractor decided to wash out the mixer in the street (not only left a mess but is illegal in CA). I had to go and waste an evening at one of their board meetings to show them that I didn’t even have any new concrete in my yard and the neighbor had a new patio. “Well, I guess you don’t have to pay the fines on this” Darn right I don’t you bunch of jerkweeds! I told them off that they need to start taking photos of these things or else someone is going to take them to small claims court and end up having them waste money on lawyer fees. Doubt they ever took that advice. They tried to say that photos take time to process. Well they took my time for me to go and fight at their board meetings for something that I never did.
HOAs are nothing but legalized organized crime as far as I am concerned.
My first dustup with them was when they cited me for “bushes on the right” needed pruning. I had all of my bushes pruned but still got the notice. I sent them a long letter asking for clarification and asked if “on the right” meant from the street or from the house? Also, asked about the proper height and when the inspection would be done. I also implied that they were harassing a disabled American veteran. Turns out the “bushes on the right” were actually my neighbor’s bushes. The disabled scared them enough that I got a letter from the management company’s attorney. I figgered they would be off my back, and they were for about two years. Then I got a notice about my trash can being visible from the street since they saw it outside my garage. This is when they started with the pictures. I had fun with this one since it was only outside my garage on pickup days. My county has a program where if you are disabled, you don’t have to take your trash can to the curb. I took a picture of me in my wheelchair sitting next to my mail box with the decal from the country sanitation department. I drew an arrow to me and said “disabled dude”. I drew one to my wheelchair that said “wheelchair”. Then, I took a picture of the county sanitation decal with an arrow pointing to it that said “sanitation decal”. I demanded an apology from the management company and from the HOA board for this harassment. To their credit, the management company apologized. The HOA board didn’t.
Some people just need a good beatin’
My HOA (may they fall in the canal and drown), the first month I was in my house attempted to fine me 4 times. The house had been empty all summer, I moved in the middle of August. Electricity had been off, so the yard wasn’t being watered. In the first 4 weeks I got:
1) Yard was not green, trimmed and free of weeds. $25 per day fine until it was fixed. The yard was dead when I moved it. There was no way it would be green until Spring. I was not going to turf it.
2) One of the garage lights was burnt out. $25 per day fine until it was fixed. It was August and they were not turning on until after 10 pm. I had no idea one was out because I sleep at night and don’t look at them.
3) Trees were required to have a three foot ring around them, mine didn’t. $25 per day fine until it was fixed. Well hell, I just moved in there and nobody had given me a copy of the HOA book of horrors.
4) RV parked in front of the house for more than 3 days. Would be towed away if not removed. The RV was out front for less than a week while waiting for a storage space big enough to become available. This one came in 3 weeks after it was gone.
I went to the HOA president’s door and asked him if this was how they welcomed people to the neighborhood. Told him they could fine me all they wanted, but I would not pay and any attempt at collection would result in a lawsuit that would bankrupt them. Never heard from them again.
My HOA wasn’t active when I moved into the neighborhood (it was strictly voluntary), and mind you, this was a neighborhood with some years on it. So, they went around to petition to make it mandatory again, they hard-sold me about four times at my house to sign the petition. I wanted to know why and the hell did they want the HOA to be active when everyone had their fences, sheds, etc. in what was already a nice neighborhood. They said in case people aren’t maintaining their homes, etc., and I said that’s what the city has code enforcement officers for (and they do outstanding work, by the way). No sale. I get notice a few months later that the neighborhood is now under the control of the HOA, and they start sending out dues notices which I ignored. After two years their lawyer gives me a call and informs me I need to pay the dues or there will be triple damages, late fees, yada, yada. I replied that it wasn’t happening, that I couldn’t be forced into a contract (the joke would have been on me if this hadn’t been before Obamacare) and laid out my ground-game. I got him to admit I was right, and I never heard from him again. They still send notices, and I send a nice check (for flowers, common area upkeep and such) with a little note at the bottom stating it is a voluntary contribution. I’m not going to fuck around with those busybodies.
And I let my raised gardens have the year off for the first time in ten years. Covered them in shredded leaves and some big heapings of compost, tilled them so often, and just let them stew. I missed my fresh veggies desperately, but hoping next year turns out a bumper crop.
I have four raised beds and I cycle through them. That way, my compost heap hits all four raised beds. My tomatoes always follow my pole beans. I started with Georgia red clay thirteen years ago. Now, each bed has a good six inches of nice, rich, black topsoil. This year was my best tomato year ever now that I figgered out what was causing the blossom end rot and fungus and how to keep the chipmunks and squirrels out. I only put in three plants this year and supplied myself, my cleaning lady, and a neighbor and had tomatoes left over. Cindy picked a very poor time to terminate our friendship. Her asshole hubby, who started the fight, missed out on a lot of fried green tomatoes. Next year, I’m only gonna put in two in the Spring and then one in midsummer. That way I should be able to have tomatoes until the first frost like I always did back in St. Louis.
If there’s somethin’ strange in your neighborhood
Who ya gonna call (Jewbusters)
If it’s somethin’ weird an it won’t look good
Who ya gonna call (Jewbusters)
I ain’t afraid a no Jew
I ain’t afraid a no Jew
Call the Jewbusters: Rev Al and Jesse. Yhey’ll pull up in their converted 1956 Cadillac ambulance
AND,
They’ll build a 1/3 scale Auschwitz where your garden is and roast them bastards.