Let’s start off the year with Keeley Hazell.
Click on image to enlarge. Her boobs were so good that they were cast in bronze. I’ve featured her before. Martin sent me this pic.
Let’s start off the year with Keeley Hazell.
Click on image to enlarge. Her boobs were so good that they were cast in bronze. I’ve featured her before. Martin sent me this pic.
Day-um, that’s perfection.
Not to worry secesh; toejam will find something to bitch about. “Doesn’t keep her checkbook balanced” or something…
“Check book….balance”?…….
What is she a Slavic Olympic acrobat who sidelines as a hooker?
If Ferdinand Magellan went in search of globes and found Keeley, he never would have left port
What beautiful eyes!
Bronze? hell they should of used gold
HANDS UP, DON’T SHOOT. CAN’T YOU SEE THESE CALIFORNIA CANTALUOPES ARE UNARMED!
No criticism can touch the fact that her boobage looks badly bloated but is likely merely the result of genetics + a tiny amount of silly putty. I suppose her great body was sculpted to counter balance her simple mentality. From what I hear she’s the Huffington Post’s darling and no doubt blowing every executive of that Limey rag on an hourly basis. Actually, I’m not criticizing her methods for using her lips to climb the corporate ladder. As a matter of fact I just sent in my Curriculum Vitae (that’s resume for you folks who have never traveled further than the nearest tavern). I worked with a young lady in the 1970’s who used the same tactic and it worked. She was dumber than a crystal doorknob, but had the correct physical attributes and used them expertly to soar right up into the company’s stratosphere. She even sacrificed her long term boyfriend on the journey to stardom. I lost track of her 20 years ago, but I figure she achieved her final goal.
Enough of the reminiscing. I’m looking back on my sorted life more and more the older I get. I suspect there’s a psychological answer, but for now let’s just examine today’s specimen of feminine flesh.
1) Face: All her features appear to be ordered out of a Victoria’s Secret catalogue. They don’t either repel or attract the horny male looking for that “special” woman to play the horizontal tango with. Yea, I admit she is model material but not to the point of being named one of the planets most attractive women. Compared to my darling DDP this babe’s just average street meat. Rating: “A”.
2) Arms: I have to include them in my expert analysis since they are displayed in an unusual juxtaposition to her head. Most model shots don’t use this technique to frame the lady’s face. That aside they are the standard tanned, svelte upper appendages you would normally see on an anorexic egotistic babe who really believes every male and lesbo would drink 20 gallons of her urine just to see where it came from. I’d only go for a couple of quarts myself. Rating: “A-“.
3) Boobage: The defining assets I suspect since this thread is titled “Saturday Boobage”. Sorry, they might be natural, but they don’t fit in with the rest of her anatomy. I admit most dudes and feminine labia lappers generally adore the gozongas size rather than their symmetry and how it accentuates the entire female form. Despite the mammoth mammary adorers smaller might just be better. And, as I suspected Denny tossed this babe into the fray cause her aureoles fit his flawed “bigger is better” perspective. OK, they do stand tall and show no signs of saggage, but give ’em another 20 years of fighting gravity and those nipples will be calling her belly-button neighbor. Rating: “B”.
4) Torso: Nothing special. I’ve seen thousands of these flared, metal-studded tanned torsos in my years of practicing my expert analysis of female anatomical assets. Rating: “B”.
Toejam overall rating: “A-“.
I was going to drop a “B+” but on the off chance it might offend this poor woman I raised it one notch.
Yea, she’s acceptable for most of this Testosterone driven rabble of Saturday morning boobage addicts, but I have my superb Hallmark of female figures to consider. I suspect trying to compare any of the Saturday Boobage subjects to my devoted darling DDP is like comparing a lump of anthracite to the “Star of Africa” diamond. DDP will never have to fear my straying from her. Her outer and inner beauty is unrivaled.
OK, I had a tough New Years Day and even more tiring day after, so I’m cutting my usual protracted analysis short, climbing back into my Peter Pan jammies, guzzling a cup of warm milk and heading off into the arms of Morpheus for the rest of this rainy and chilly morning. Have no fear DDP. I haven’t had a nocturnal emission since I was 13, but dreaming of you might just be the instigation that’ll wind up staining my sheets!
No way in Hell that those are natural.
Probably thinks ‘People’ magazine is literature, too.
MC
People mag?
Nah, it’s crap.
I go with “The National Enquirer” if I want the real facts.
Actually, they are supposedly real. That’s why the Sun, where she won a Page 3 Girl contest, had bronze versions of them made. They are 32F. European cup sizes are different than American so she is prolly an American D or DD. She is awesome now, but as Toejam sez, gravity will take its toll. As for the areolae, she has an almost perfect A to B ratio. In fact, the areolae should be a little larger to reach perfection. I think Toejam must have been frightened by a real woman’s areola size at a young age which is why he likes little boy nipples.
Denny,
Small auroles on a fine, large breasted lady are like the “black horse on a yellow background” emblem on a Ferrari 458.
They just enhance each other’s image.
Huge aureoles on nice tits remind me of the bumper guards on a 1954 Buick Special.