I’ve got this senile old coot fom British Columbia whose family keeps him locked up in an attic and every now and then lets him out to use a computer. He likes to send me emails like the following:
Good Morning – Whose economy? A pipeline straight to TX will create a buyer’s market. Cheap Canadian oil for the USA. By the by – have you ever sat down with your MO or druggist and discuss your meds? Your foul language , spelling and grammatical errors would suggest more than a pain in the ass. Honour the Rat – they are dying in the thousands in stem cell research which, one day,may enable you to walk.
I wonder why he is against cheap oil? That spurs the American economy and the American economy drives the world economy. He must be a rat bastard commie.
Foul language? You bet! I love that shit! I love telling people to go fuck themselves. Especially dumb fucking booger eatin’ moh-rons!
Spelling and grammar? Not so much. Maybe he doesn’t like my use of “figger”, “sumpin”, “gummint”, “prolly”. or some of the other words I intentional misspell (BTW, have you ever noticed how many people misspell the word “misspell?) to reflect the American vernacular(I hope “vernacular” is not too large of a word for him). An American could take him to task for his spelling of “honour”. I’m sure he feels superior to us barbaric Americans by using the English spelling but he does live in British Columbia and that’s how they spell it there.
Grammar? He wrote “have you ever sat down with your MO or druggist and discuss your meds?” Bzzzzzt! Bad grammar! It should be either “and discussed” – need to have the two verb tenses agree with each other – or replace “and discuss” with “to discuss”. I just love it when someone accuses me of using poor grammar and uses poor grammar in the process. I guess we could use that as an example of irony or just plain stupidity.
He once tried to school me on English history but got his Henrys wrong and didn’t realize the Tudor dynasty started with Henry VII. When I corrected him he admitted his mistake and later said “he was testing me”. It took him three months to come up with that riposte. He’s also the booger eatin’ moh-ron who asked me on two separate occasions why I didn’t teach guitar to black children at a community center in Atlanta. I guess that was his way of calling me a racist. Like I would want to go to a community center in a black neighborhood in Atlanta. I value my life and my wallet. I guess I should take it as a compliment that he thinks I play well enough to teach. I don’t think black children would want to learn to play the type of music I play.
I’m all for stem cell research. Unfortunately, stem cells will never make me walk again. I’ve been injured way too long and the nerves below the scarring have all died so even if they do figger (purposely misspelled – American vernacular) out how to regenerate spinal cells the myelin sheath is all gone for the lower motor neurons so they could not regenerate. Also, since I’ve been a crip for so long, too much muscle mass is gone due to atrophy of the muscles. I’m sure what I wrote is over his head. Once again, he writes about sumpin’ (purposely misspelled – American vernacular) he knows nothing about. I can almost see him drooling all over the keyboard.
I’ve met many Canadians in my life. Most of them are like our beloved Claudia. I can honestly say that this guy is the first Canadian I don’t like and I’m sure the feeling is mutual. He got really pissed off at me when I referred to him as” my Canadian buddy”. I guess he didn’t get the sarcasm. It’s sad when you have to explain stuff like that, but as I said, he is a senile old coot with delusions of grandeur. The next time I emailed him I made it a point to identify what was satire, what words were purposely misspelled, and what parts of the email were insults. For some reason he wasn’t amused. For the record, most of this post is an insult. I’m making fun of him. I hope he understands that.
He never has posted a comment in the comments section of the blog. Maybe he can’t figger (purposely misspelled – American vernacular) out how to do that. After all, mastering email was hard enough. He prolly (purposely misspelled and internet slang for probably) doesn’t want my smartass readers to take him to the woodshed for making stupid comments and they would. Dudley1 would really enjoy it. AlphaDelta and Jeremy would have some fun as well. This guy makes it so easy. I actually look forward to his emails. They make my day. It’s nice to know that I’m touching lives in other countries.
I think I’m the source of his “foul-language” accusation, Denny.
Fuck the old goat (no Muslims need apply). I’m thinking of going to a lawyer and slapping Mr cunt-head douchebag with a racist rant.
That’s correct, he’s a shit-head, asshole licking Tourettesophobe motherfucker!
And DDP will be my witness!
injured way to long
Too. How autocorrect can make it worse I have no idea. Or maybe it’s a typo. I know you can spell, you spelled it correctly later in the paragraph. And you’re an old syprog; I’ve never met one that wasn’t really sharp .
I just caught that as well. Careless mistake. Thanks for pointing it out.
Does anyone really care what canadians think?
Man, if I get that flaky, I hope somebody’ll take away my keyboard.
Oh, and for Mister British Columbia, FOAD.
I think it’s nice of his family to humor (or as he would write humour) him. Some of his emails make him appear even dumber than this one.
Ah, maybe you’re right, Denny. My wife humo(u)rs me by lettin’ me sit here and bang away at the keyboard, so I guess maybe he’s about as harmless as I am.
Then again, bein’ as he’s in Canada he probably ain’t as well armed as I and the others on here. Let ’em think we’re harmless.
He’s trying to have a battle of wits with me. Unfortunately, his wit level is 50%. He emails me about once every other month. He thinks he’s superior to this old racist Georgia redneck. I get a lot of people like that. They don’t realize that I’m not really a Georgia cracker because I grew up in a suburb of St. Louis. They think Atlanta is full of dudes right off the farm. The thing is, Atlanta isn’t really a Southern city anymore what with all of the transplants who moved here when the economy was thriving. Most of my IBM fellow instructors here came from other places. Since instructor, the job I moved her for, was a stepping stone to management, most of the instructors were from out of state. I can only remember one Georgian in my group. The only Georgians were the folks in administration.
When I moved here, the education center was only two years old. They closed it down about four years after I retired and now the hardware training is at the plant at Boulder Colorado. There is no IBM at that building at all. Very sad. I worked in that building for 19 years as an instructor and as instructor/programmer (I did both and essentially worked two fulltime jobs and had a manager who compensated me for that. At the end my health suffered so …) and finally for the last six years as just a programmer.
A year after I left, they moved the data center there to another building. IBM used to be real big in Atlanta with over 4500 employees. No more. IBM sold its largest site to Atlanta Public Schools and now it’s a high school. I worked for IBM at the peak of its existence when it was still growing and I got to see the start of its demise. Lou Gerstner was able to save it, but now its going down hill again. It’s like our country. Reagan saved it, but now it’s going down hill again. Bush 41 betrayed the Reagan legacy and it’s been down hill ever since with a new Dimocrat, a compassionate conservative, and a black Kenyan rat bastard commie race warlord poverty pimp. These guys are the best our two party system can give us? Two guys who could stem the tide are Mitch Daniels, who turned Indiana around but won’t run because of the mud that would be thrown at his wife (She left him for another man and then he took her back) and Scott Walker, who had the stones to take on the public workers unions and won both the recall and another election.
The thing about our “first black president” is he has nothing in common with American blacks. He is not a descendant of slaves. Quite the contrary. He’s a descendant of slave owners on both sides of his family. The racist Dimocrat Party has pulled yet another scam on blacks. It’s amazing that they could do a 180 switch in the 60’s and the blacks fell for it aided and abetted by the useful idiots in the CBC who support policies that keep their constituents poor, uneducated, and dependent upon the gummint. Brilliant! And there they were this weekend in Selma Alabama celebrating the 50th anniversary of Dimocrats beating up black protesters. Civil rights “icon” got whacked on the head with a nightstick and he’s been a Dimocrat ever since.
Me bein an ignant hick from W.Va.Imma constantly scolded fer my grammer.
That night job scrubbing toilets in a Tim Horton’s must really be grinding that dude down. Send him a gift certificate for a box of Tim Bits and tell him precisely where to put them.
My God, what else is British Columbia good for except growing pot (Burnaby Bud, anyone?) and the production of American-market TV shows.
This guy is probably pissed off because there is little oil in British Columbia, thereby cutting him out of any royalties that he may be thinking he should get.
There are a few producing wells in the far eastern mountains of B.C., but not enough to make much of an impact on the B.C. economy.
I spent the biggest part of the mid-70s in Canada, mainly Alberta, and thoroughly enjoyed my times there. The Canadians are great people and I made a huge number of good friends there. I was even thinking fairly seriously about moving to the Calgary or Edmonton area, but didn’t.
Sometimes BC can be compared to Californication ’cause all the fruits,nuts and flakes end up here so we can be called the granola province…….but the REAL dirtbags are from Ontario(Claudia excepted) which can in many,many,many ways be compared to Cali…….actually I think they’re even in deeper financial doo-doo then your beloved left coast outpost.
BC is sometimes called the ‘left coast’ by conservative Canadians such as myself. There hasn’t been a conservative government there in decades and one of the two Green Party MPs holds a seat there. I believe it was also where most American draft-dodgers ended up because our PM at the time was a socialist douchebag who let them into the country rather than handing them back to the US Army in handcuffs.
Years ago the great Jewish comedian Jackie Mason was filling
in as a guest host on ABC radio when the regular host was out
sick. A woman called in asking Jackie why he only said negative
things about Hillary Clinton. She demanded that he tell her of
one thing that that Hillary did right. Jackie responded “Yes, she
stayed out of prison”!
Brooklyn Joe
Both Thunder Rodent Thighs and BJ belong in prison. BJ ran the most corrupt administration in the history of this country. Worse than Harding and Grant. In a sane world, both of them would be behind bars. His crimes were far worse than Nixon’s. Nixon tried to politicize the IRS and failed. Both BJ and Obungler have successfully had the IRS audit their enemies. Nixon tried to get one FBI file. No luck. The Clintons managed to get over 1000 FBI files. In the Watergate coverup, Nixon tried to protect the members of his administration and lied for them. BJ threw his members under the bus and had them lie for him. I don’t recollect any mysterious deaths of people who testified against Nixon. There were a lot of mysterious deaths (Vince Foster, James McDougal among others) surrounding the Clintons. There are even two names for them: Arkancide or Clintoncide. Three honorable Republican senators told Nixon to resign for the good of the country. Alas, there were not any honorable Dimocrat senators, let alone three. There still aren’t. BJ also had the press, AKA the propaganda arm of the Dimocrat Party, on his side. It took Drudge to break the Monica story. The press had it but spiked it. The press did everything in its power to smear Ken Starr. The press despised Nixon and did everything in its power to destroy him. At least the Republicans had the stones to impeach BJ so he goes down in history as the only elected (Andrew Johnson became president when Lincoln was assassinated) president to be impeached. He should have been convicted and thrown out of office. And it wasn’t “about sex” as his Dimocrat defenders claimed. He committed perjury among other things. He was corrupt through and through. Thunder Rodent Thighs is even worse. She got thrown off the Watergate investigation for her unethical behavior so she goes way back in that department. They are two white trash, money hungry grifters.