Denny, what’s going on here? She’s posing almost as covered up as a Muslim suicide bomber whose goat-skin bra stuffed with 2 pound of Plastique just fizzled and blew her aureoles up like over-inflating a truck tire. Looks like it singed her hair too. I, the consummate lover of long female legs am once again having my dreams dashed. I’m so depressed I gonna make today’s analysis short, sweet and low scoring.
1) FACE: OMFG, if her legs have as much thick bristly growth as indicated by her eyebrows she could be the first U.S. Marine with an M.O.S. 6969, Gorilla! And that curly mane wouldn’t even pass the “Which Twin had the Toni” test. It looks like a quarterdeck swab on the Battleship South Dakota after the major battle off Savo Island in 1942. Ok, I admit her eyes, pert nose and slightly bloated lips are indicative of carnal sensuality, so that’ll prop up her score. Nice clear blemish-free skin too. No Clearasil required. Rating: “C”.
2) BOOBAGE: Over-sized, Over-weight and over here. Ya know it looks like some 1st year medical student on an overdose of Ecstasy and Red Bull, who was moon-lighting as a breast enhancement professional, went to work with the silicon pump and over-did it. That’s why the after aureoles are 6 times the size as before Louie the Chest doctor’s ill-fated attempt to enlarge her mammary lobes. Mega Fail! Rating: “D”.
Toejam overall rating: “C-” or “D+” depending how charitable you want to be.
I think I pissed DDP off last week by insinuating she attends a body sculpting salon that enlarges boobs, bleaches anuses and shrinks aureoles. I know for a fact she never has and has no need for any of these procedures. Everything about DDP is perfect and I unreservedly apologize. Please forgive me DDP. I’ll even let you do “tops” the next time we copulate on your Malibu beach house balcony. My words said in the heat of last week’s boobage analysis were unacceptable. However, the White House had borrowed my teleprompter because their 3-figure collection was on Air Force One enroute to Magnum P.I.’s mansion and “Dear Leader” needed one immediately to tongue-lash the re-elected Prime Minister and Warrior of Israel. After all who does Bibi think he is to piss off the Omni-correct, narcissistic, golfer-part time president, brat and Commander-in-Chief?
So there you have it. Now I’m going to don my jogging thong now and head off up the country lane. That’ll make me forget today’s examination and allow me to raise my Testosterone level in order to withstand DDP’s high energy Estrogen fueled amorous desires.
This chicanita was photographed immediately after emerging from the Rio Grande 28 kilometers east of El Paso. It would appear that her coyote stole her clothing after collecting his usual “fee”.
OK toe dude. The irony is if you ever had something like that spread out in front of you, you’d be finished before you got there, if you know what I mean
Yum!
Second!
Daddy likey!
Dark haired beauty, NICE
and wet!
Denny, what’s going on here? She’s posing almost as covered up as a Muslim suicide bomber whose goat-skin bra stuffed with 2 pound of Plastique just fizzled and blew her aureoles up like over-inflating a truck tire. Looks like it singed her hair too. I, the consummate lover of long female legs am once again having my dreams dashed. I’m so depressed I gonna make today’s analysis short, sweet and low scoring.
1) FACE: OMFG, if her legs have as much thick bristly growth as indicated by her eyebrows she could be the first U.S. Marine with an M.O.S. 6969, Gorilla! And that curly mane wouldn’t even pass the “Which Twin had the Toni” test. It looks like a quarterdeck swab on the Battleship South Dakota after the major battle off Savo Island in 1942. Ok, I admit her eyes, pert nose and slightly bloated lips are indicative of carnal sensuality, so that’ll prop up her score. Nice clear blemish-free skin too. No Clearasil required. Rating: “C”.
2) BOOBAGE: Over-sized, Over-weight and over here. Ya know it looks like some 1st year medical student on an overdose of Ecstasy and Red Bull, who was moon-lighting as a breast enhancement professional, went to work with the silicon pump and over-did it. That’s why the after aureoles are 6 times the size as before Louie the Chest doctor’s ill-fated attempt to enlarge her mammary lobes. Mega Fail! Rating: “D”.
Toejam overall rating: “C-” or “D+” depending how charitable you want to be.
I think I pissed DDP off last week by insinuating she attends a body sculpting salon that enlarges boobs, bleaches anuses and shrinks aureoles. I know for a fact she never has and has no need for any of these procedures. Everything about DDP is perfect and I unreservedly apologize. Please forgive me DDP. I’ll even let you do “tops” the next time we copulate on your Malibu beach house balcony. My words said in the heat of last week’s boobage analysis were unacceptable. However, the White House had borrowed my teleprompter because their 3-figure collection was on Air Force One enroute to Magnum P.I.’s mansion and “Dear Leader” needed one immediately to tongue-lash the re-elected Prime Minister and Warrior of Israel. After all who does Bibi think he is to piss off the Omni-correct, narcissistic, golfer-part time president, brat and Commander-in-Chief?
So there you have it. Now I’m going to don my jogging thong now and head off up the country lane. That’ll make me forget today’s examination and allow me to raise my Testosterone level in order to withstand DDP’s high energy Estrogen fueled amorous desires.
Awww Toejam….you know I can never stay mad at you for long.
~XxxOoo
DDP,
Stay just mad enough at me so you can spank my bare bottom hard enough to leave a black & blue outline of your hand.
This chicanita was photographed immediately after emerging from the Rio Grande 28 kilometers east of El Paso. It would appear that her coyote stole her clothing after collecting his usual “fee”.
Do you know what the irony of Toejam’s reviews are? Think about it LOL
No I don’t Pete. Tell me.
Tell me they are always:
1) Accurate
2) Professional
3) Informative
Oh hell. I could go on and on, but it’s time for my morning cocoa.
OK toe dude. The irony is if you ever had something like that spread out in front of you, you’d be finished before you got there, if you know what I mean
hope you know I’m just effing with you. carry on with the reviews