Sumpin’ I missed ’cause my internet was down.

Thus spake the Cankles she-devil as caucuses drew near:
“Get off your fucking lazy butts and bring those voters here!
I want their goddam votes so drag their cornfed asses out.
I need this fucking Iowa to be a fucking rout.

“That fucking Sanders has New Hampshire tied up in a knot,
and I can stand one fucking loss, but absolutely not
an entire list of goddam wins for that old whitehaired fart.
So kill his fucking momentum before it gets a start.

“I need you guys to cut the shit and find some legal crap
to stop that fucking indictment about that e-mail flap.
So talk to Lynch and Comey and remind them about Vince,
who tried to doublecross me and nobody’s seen him since.

“And tell that moron Biden to forget about his run.
I’ll stomp him like a pissant if he tries to spoil my fun.
And as for Faucahontas, she can shove it up her ass,
if she thinks beating me would ever EVER come to pass.

“Then dig up all the shit you can on that twerp Rubio.
And spread some lies for Trump and Cruz to slug it toe to toe.
The rest are fucking losers, so don’t worry about them.
They’ll all drop out like boogers or a wad of dried up phlegm.

“Come January next year I expect to be ‘The Man,’
and nothing can protect you if you fuck up my game plan.
So get your asses all in gear and do your fucking jobs,
or I’ll smash your nuts and cut off all your puny little knobs.”

Iowa was’t a rout for Thunder Rodent Thighs where Sanders tied her. He routed Cankles in New Hampshire but she received more delegates. The fix is in since the DNC, run by Ditsy Debbie Whatshername Slutz, wants her to be the candidate. After all, isn’t it time we elected a vagina?