Bob G. sent me this one.

And just remember, in Dumbfuckistan illegals and dead people vote. Take away those votes and Trump won the popular vote as well. Rush Limbaugh thinks it could be as high as three million illegals who voted. I agree with him. They brag about it. Remember, Obongo told illegals to vote.

Recently, I’ve been receiving an email about Canadians griping about all of the American liberals crossing into Canada because of the election. Turns out that’s really really old. Kansas Redneck posted a version of it from my blog back in 2004 that he just updated to fit last week’s election. I didn’t write it. Someone else did 12 years ago (or earlier).

Dear Republicans. Well, we did it. We gave you the keys to the gummint again. Please don’t fuck up like you did the last time we did that. Remember that? That was in 2000 when we elected Bush 43 and gave you control of Congress. What did you do? You went on a spending spree. To say you spent like a drunken sailor would be an insult to drunken sailors everywhere.

You passed a bloated farm bill. This was after we had weaned agriculture off a lot of the gummint subsidies but Rove told George he needed farm state votes so open up the spigots and let the money flow.

You passed a bloated transportation bill. More money out the door.

You gave us a new entitlement, Medicare Part D. The Dimocrats beat you over the head about that one even though the one they wanted was more expensive.

You gave us a new bureaucracy in the Homeland Security Department.

You busted the budget so badly Dimocrats, yes Dimocrats, were able to run as fiscal conservatives. Think of that. Dimocrats as fiscal conservatives. It boggles the mind! That’s how badly you spent money. Because of that, Dimocrats took over Congress. Then, the spending really began.

George Bush did not veto a single spending bill until the Dimocrats took over Congress.

Your mismanagement of the gummint gave us Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, and Obungler running the federal gummint. Way to go shitheads! Think of that now that you have the keys again. Don’t mess up this time!

Dear Donald. Congrats. Not only did you defeat Thunder Rodent Thighs, you defeated the LSM propaganda arm of the Dimocrat Party, the GOPe, and the cuckservatives. Be aware that your biggest enemies are not gonna be the Dimocrats, but members of your own party like Paul Ryan and Bitch McConnell who are gonna stab you in the back every chance they get. If you can get Ryan shitcanned from Speaker, that will be a start.

The GOPe and the cuckservatives are gonna demand that you listen to their advice. Tell them to fuck off. If you had listened to them, you wouldn’t be president. They are the problem, you are the solution. I’m sure you know that.

I’m a little worried that you sounded like you are starting to waffle a little in the 60 Minutes interview. Remember what Margaret Thatcher said to Bush 41: “Don’t go wobbly on me George.” Build the wall! Repeal Obummercare. I’m OK with the pre-existing condition part of it. The Dimocrats could have passed that rather than saddle us with the rest of the Obummercare bullshit. Kids up to 26 remaining on their parents’ plans? How long are they children in this country? Judging by the spoiled brats protesting your election, a pretty long time.

You’re gonna have to work fast and keep the pressure on Congress before the RINOs like Johnny Maverick McRINO and Little Lindsey Graham talk about “reaching across the aisle” and compromising with Dimocrats. Treat them the way they treated us. The smarmy Chuck the Schmuck Schumer is gonna be every bit the asshole that Horrible Harry was. Remember, it was Horrible Harry that introduced the nuclear option. What do you want to bet that Bitch McConnell will be too much of a pussy to use it.

You have the bully pulpit, a phone, and a pen. Use them. As I saw on Twitter: Obama spent 8 years weaponizing the federal government only to turn it over to Donald Trump. It’s gonna be funny seeing the New York Slimes (Motto: All the news that’s fit to distort) writing about checks and balances in the federal gummint. All of a sudden they’re gonna discover the Constitution and limits on presidential power.

The Dimocrats wanted a strong executive who would bypass Congress. They got one in Oblunder. They created a monster. Now it’s gonna be used against them. Make them squeal like pigs!

Sincerely,

GOC

Thanks to Toejam.

Pat S sent me this one.

A man went fishing in the Mediterranean Sea. Darkness came [or did it fall?] and he was lost. Fortunately, he had a crude GPS unit on board. The GPS showed he was about at a midway point between Baghdad and the Rock of Gibraltar.
He radioed in about his plight. The voice on the other end asked him, “can you approximate your location?”
He replied, (more…)

Ted plays the Staqr Spangled Banner at a Trump rally in Michigan. Hey Michigan! Thanks for voting Trump!

In this case it’s a lute. Wonderful week! Our eight year nightmare is almost over! In a little over two months Obungler will be gone. Something light today in honor of that. Vivaldi fits.

Chuck sent me this one. (more…)

So very very many assholes and I don’t even have to use a single Dimocrat. There are plenty of Republicans like Johnny Maverick McRINO and his mini-me Little Lindsey Graham. These two dickheads didn’t go to the Republican Convention, didn’t campaign for their party’s nominee, and prolly didn’t vote for him. Listen up South Carolina, the next time this guy is up for election don’t run five people against him in the primary. Find one good person to run against this asshole. Just wait, these two turdheads are gonna insist that Trump listen to them on defense. Trump owes them nothing. Nothing!

Mittens Romneycare. Trump showed you how to win. You win by fighting you candy ass. You hate Trump for it don’t you? You’re another traitorous RINO. Didn’t attend the convention, didn’t campaign for your party’s nominee. Dickhead! It makes me sorry I voted for you.

John Kasich. He didn’t attend the convention and it was in his state. He didn’t campaign for Trump and voted for John McRINO. What a weasel. You threw away any chance of ever being president Kasich. Hope it was worth it dooshbag.

The Bush Family. You guys sure showed your true colors didn’t ya. You didn’t go to the convention. You preferred the hag over your own party’s nominee. Traitors! By the way Jeb! you butthurt asshole, you will now never be president. Hope it was worth it.

The neocons who preferred Crooked Cankles over Trump. You guys showed your true colors as well. I used to have a lot of respect for Charles Krauthammer. No more.

Hey Kelly Ayotte, how did that not supporting Trump work out for you?

The National Review and the Weekly Standard sure fucked up. Watch them try to suck up to Trump now. Too late assholes!

Then we have many op-ed columnists like Mona Charen who fell for the Michelle Fields hoax and has been anti-Trump ever since. “Conservative” columnist David Brooks has now voted for the Dimocrat in the last three presidential elections. Jonah Goldberg, you’re an idiot.

Glenn Beck is now trying to weasel into Trump’s good graces. Too late Cheetoh face.

Howza ’bout all of the butthurt consultants like Rick Wilson who managed losers like McRINO and Mittens Romneycare and Trump’s opponents and hoped that he would lose to try and verify their value. Guess what? Turns out you’re worthless. Had Trump listened to you guys like McRINO and Mittens did, he would have lost.

Then we have the GOPe who is gonna tell Trump how he should govern. It’s you guys who were responsible for the rise of Trump. He owes you nothing. You worked against him in the primaries and in the campaign. Fuck off!

But I’m saving the Asshole of the Week Award for Paul Ryan. He virtue signaled against Trump and withdrew his endorsement after he had finally given it. Then, 48 hours before the election when some internal polling showed Trump actually had a chance to win he all of a sudden decided to start campaigning for him. You’re a weasel and an asshole Ryan. You have no business being Speaker of the House. Here’s your award.

But she was right! She said this in June 2015.

Stole it from Don Surber.