Sumpn’ simple.

Get thee to a piano Claudia.

Went way back in the boobage file and found this one from Toren. (more…)

United is now offering both red eye and black eye flights!! From Rrddbb in the comments.

Can you believe anyone so fucking stupid as to physically haul a paying customer off a flight because you need room on the flight for a flight crew traveling to another airport? And doing it in this day and age when everyone has a cellphone and can and will record it? You couldn’t put the flight crew on another plane? What idiot made this decision? Geez! If you need the seats so badly keep raising the price for someone to take another flight. Someone will eventually rise to the occasion. Then, the tone deaf CEO of United makes a non-apology apology and then has to make an actual apology. Now everyone is laughing at United.

Fly the battered skies of United.

What kind of food does United serve? Take out Asian.

Freaking amazing! The dude is suing United and I hope he gets a lot of money. They deserve to pay for their stupidity and incredibly bad policies.

So for everyone involved, from the CEO, the the United staff at the airport, and the Chicago cop, here’s a collective award. You all earned it.

One of the reasons I almost quit blogging was the inability to continuously post like I used to be able to do a few years back. Maybe it’s old age but the creative juices do not flow as well as they used to. Fortunately, I can make the call to the bullpen and post one of Ron’s emails. Here’s another one.

Ah, mes amis . . . La Republique . . . c’est fini. Just don’t see how this goat rope can continue with permanent gridlock from the Keystone Kops Kongress and a self-feeding debt whose INTEREST, at over $250 billion per year, is greater than most countries’ GNP.

Our military has been downsized to 1930s manpower strength, our B-52 fleet is 60 years old, and the Navy’s warship rolls have been cut to around 425, including reserve units. The word that leaps to mind is unsustainable.

Can’t force myself to watch the news any more. No matter which channel or time of day, all I can get is “Drama Is Served” from the forensic twiddlers in both houses of Congress “trying to get at the truth” about everything from Who Framed Roger Rabbit to Let’s Make A Deal.

Yeah, right. The only truths those media whores understand are air time and re-election. We’ll get about as much truth from those guys about Russia or Clinton or wiretapping or election tampering or anything as we would from a 2-yr-old about the missing cookies.

Today’s TV “journalists” have proclaimed themselves experts on everything. They don’t objectively report the news; they just select which item will best enhance their network’s rating and then misrepresent or exaggerate its importance to show what clever analysts they are.

I can picture guys like Shep Smith or Anderson Cooper or Joe Scarborough or Chris Cuomo standing at a urinal in great discombobulation over whether or not they’re in the right facility. Prob’ly did their master’s theses on “The Importance of Ishkabibble.”

Every time they come on my screen, it’s “And the thot plickens,” as if it’s crucial to know for sure if Putin had anything to do with the outcome of last year’s election. J.H.F.C.! Of COURSE he tried to influence the outcome; he always has. He hates Clinton and wants to resurrect the Soviet Union, and NATO is a speed bump on that road.

And why is Pence’s self-imposed rule about not having dinner alone with any woman except his wife a sexist or chauvinist attitude which makes his decision-making skills suspect? And just exactly HOW did DJT insult Latinos by saying that many of the illegals sneaking in here are not the best that Mexico has to offer?

And why is it “racist” to want to fully vet “refugees” and other immigrants from Muslim states infested with terrorism when other Muslim nations won’t take them in under any circumstances? Most of the world has stricter immigration policies and harsher punishments for illegal entry than we do.

We hired a new non-partisan outsider sheriff to clean up Old Swampy, but just as with Bart in Rock Ridge, Hedley Lamarr and Lily Von Schtupp are constantly working to thwart his every move in their efforts to maintain their tax-n-spend status quo, and who could be better cast as Lepotomane than Gropey Joe?

El Donaldo thought he could come in and avoid the snares and pitfalls and red tape of D.C. because he had no obligations to special interest groups. But he didn’t read the breaks in the hostile green, those tricky little patches of poa annua and the dry spots where the sprinkler malfunctioned and the area that hasn’t fully recovered from winter kill.

Basically what he’s running into is hedgerow warfare and nerve gas attacks from entrenched merdistes defending their tax shelters and golden parachutes. Voters were fed up with the status quoists and brought in a true outsider to conduct a complete Navy-style field day on the termite-infested floors and rusting rebar and cobweb-covered rules and regulations.

But the beneficiaries of the dug-in and deep-rooted good ol’ boy entitlement system couldn’t have that. Besides, he wasn’t SUPPOSED to win . . . it was all a big joke, right? It was carefully designed to look like a genuine election culminating in Her Firstness’s coronation.

As long as there are Pelosis, as long as there are Schumers, as long as there is a CNN, there will be pandemic Trump Derangement Syndrome in cities with major liberal enclaves. I see no path for escape except declaring martial law and shutting down all the universities and mass media for about a year ‘til DJT can get his team working to disinfect government and jump-start the economy.

There IS no fix for health care. At least not a simple one. None. The problem is that people have begun to consider it their right, when there’s no mention of it in the Constitution, OR the Bible. The Constitution mentions the PURSUIT of happiness. And that’s what trying to remain alive and healthy is – a pursuit, not a right.

Hell, I have the right to TRY to play on the PGA tour, but that doesn’t guarantee me success. Every kid in the country has the RIGHT to try to play in the NFL or the NBA or MLB, but that’s not the same as actually making the team with a megabuck signing bonus.

Until we raise the age eligibility for MediCare and Social Security, until we get rid of the outrageous penalty settlements for medical malpractice, until doctors can stop playing defensive medicine and quit ordering completely unnecessary tests and procedures for routine complaints as a shield against lawsuits, until big gummint gets out of bed with big pharm, and until people quit smoking and stop getting fat, there’s simply no such thing as affordable health care when virtually all the new signups for the ACA were those eligible for MedicAid, which means they can’t afford insurance.

And unless we’re faced with extinction by an alien race from Planet X, there’s no way to string any kind of bridge across the chasm separating liberals and conservatives, and unless DJT can get two judges on SCotUS and the GDP growth up to around 4% pretty damned soon, liberals will take it all back in 2020.

So far it looks to me as if the only notable skill the conservatives have is turning major victories at the polls to major catastrophes in the legislature.

Hell with it. I’m gonna make me a pot of chicken stir-fry and watch reruns of Law & Order. At least the outcome there is usually something I can stomach without tossing bricks at the screen, and possibly my lunch.

Remember when United only used to break guitars?

This is a true story. The comments on this piece have been updated to reflect United’s latest fiasco. Examples:

2009: Throw guitar
2017: Throw human
2025: ?

Now they start to throw Asians.

In case you haven’t heard, United now breaks humans!

They even broke Hitler’s guitar!

The Dave Carroll video caused them to take a big stock hit. Nice to see their customer service hasn’t improved.

It’s been a long time since I fisked a column by Jay Bookman, the ultra-liberal columnist for the Atlanta Urinal and Constipation but his latest column in Sunday’s AJC demands it. The Trump Derangement Syndrome is strong with this one.

I don’t know about you, but personally, I have flat run out of patience living in Donald Trump’s weird and misbegotten universe, this alternative reality with alternative facts. It’s like being trapped in some half-remembered dream that you know will make no sense upon awakening, yet that awakening never seems to come.

I want reality back. I want to stop wasting time and mental bandwidth trying to establish the absurdity of what is absurd on its face, so that those resources can be put instead into solving real problems in the real world. And the first and most necessary step toward re-establishing that footing in reality is to insist that none of this is normal, none of it.

Now you know how those of us who had brains felt during the eight years of Obungler when everyone told us how smart he was and that he was “a god” and that his ugly wife was beautiful. Talk about alternate facts.

The situation is not normal; the man behind it is not normal. It is not normal to have a president of the United States of America incapable of distinguishing fantasy from reality, who from moment to moment re-imagines the world as he would like it to be and then insists that his re-imagined world is just as real and concrete as the world where the rest of us reside.

Once again this is an adequate description of the Obumbler administration where we had a president who thought if he apologized to the world that the world would love us. Or he thought that if he made nice to the Iranians, they would love us. A president who put Moslem interests above those of the United States. I could go on, but you get the gist. Oblunder lived in his imaginary world and insisted that we follow his illusions. You are one of those Jay. The projection is strong in you.

It is not. It just flat is not.

Ted Cruz’s daddy did not kill JFK, three million illegal immigrants did not vote for Hillary Clinton, China did not invent climate change to ruin American industry, Mexico is not going to pay for that stupid wall, Barack Obama was indeed born in this country, Obama did not wiretap Trump’s campaign, former national security adviser Susan Rice is not, repeat not, a criminal, and we all have far more important things to debate and talk about than whether these delusions have any basis in fact because they do not.

If you liked your doctor you could keep your doctor. If you liked your healthcare plan you could keep your healthcare plan. Premiums for the average family would fall by $2500. Whose lies are worse?

Now let’s cover Trump’s. Of course Cruz’s daddy did not kill JFK. Illegals did vote for Crooked Cankles. Maybe not three million but a lot of them did. In states controlled by Dimocrats illegals vote. They even do in red states like Texas. It’s a problem. But only for Republicans. Dimocrats love it. Voter fraud is how they get elected. See Al Franken and Christine Gregoire. How many recounts did it take to get her elected? Three? Four? It’s amazing that every single time there is a recount they find more Dimocrat votes. Funny how that happens.

China did not invent climate change, but Mexico will pay for the wall if we start taxing the money Mexicans send back to Mexico a policy that has been proposed.

Trump said that Obongo was born in this country. Of course, the birth certificate the White House released was a fake. On one of his books it states in the biography that he was the first senator born in Kenya. His grandmother said he was born in Kenya. Either way it’s not an issue. His mom was a citizen, he’s a citizen. But why was he reluctant to produce his birth certificate? For that matter, why won’t he release any of the records from his past. What is he hiding?

The New York Slimes (motto: All the news that’s fit to fake) said that info about Flynn was obtained via wiretaps. That’s your paper or record Jay.

Susan Rice is a criminal. She released classified information. What the Oblunder adminisration did to the Trump campaign was illegal and it is Watergate on steroids. Your people are a bunch of crooks Jay.

The Rice thing is the latest one, of course. In the real world, in the world where the Earth is still round and Newtonian physics still apply, it is actually true that Russia and Vladimir Putin intervened on Trump’s behalf to help win him the election.

No. It. Is. Not. Look! It’s the Russians! Both Guccifer and Wikileaks say the Russians had nothing to do with Podesta’s emails or the other DNC stuff. It was a DNC staffer, Seth Rich, the same DNC staffer who was assassinated in DC.

It is actually true that by doing so, Putin has helped to permanently damage the reputation of the United States and to push the world closer to the chaos in which Putin and his colleagues hope to thrive. It is actually true — we know it from the lips of the FBI director himself, in open testimony — that the FBI is investigating whether members of Trump’s team actively colluded in that effort, although that allegation is still far from proven.

Because it is false. Comey has proven to be unreliable. Your opinion on him constantly changed on whether or not he was gonna indict Thunder Rodent Thighs, who was guilty as hell of many criminal acts.

However, there is absolutely zero evidence to support Trump’s claim this week that Rice has acted criminally or even in any way inappropriately. It is a fabrication every bit as credible as all the others listed above, and like those previous fabrications it is designed to unmoor us from the tangible. Every intelligence expert and former high-level national security official that I’ve seen interviewed on the subject, from both Republican and Democratic administrations, has said that what Rice is alleged to have done by her enemies is in fact both perfectly legal and perfectly routine. We have no evidence whatsoever that she used legally acquired intelligence for illegal political gain or that she leaked it to the press. None.

Now you are just making shit up Jay. The deeper we dig the more we see that what Rice and the Obeauzeau administration were involved in was Watergate on steroids. This Russian bullshit is a false flag to distract us from what was really going on. Maybe you should quit believing all the stuff you read in the Fake News Media. If you took your head out of your ass you would see this but then you have to protect your hero, the Obamessiah, prolly the worst president this country has ever had.

Indeed, the man most responsible for that allegation against Rice, House Intelligence Chairman Devin Nunes, has now been removed by his fellow Republicans from the Russia investigation because his behavior and statements had destroyed his credibility.

Actually Nunes recused himself because of an ethics allegation against him by none other than Moveon.org. He didn’t want that to distract from the investigation.

We have no such option with Trump. Our choices are to succumb to his madness or to point it out and ridicule it.

I choose the latter.

Just like I choose to ridicule you Jay and your Trump Derangement Syndrome. Trump has done more for this country in the few short months since his election than Obooger did in his disastrous eight years in office. Obambi had our enemies laughing at us and our allies distrusting us. Now, our enemies are beginning to fear us and our allies are beginning to trust us again. Just today, Trump secured major trade concessions from China. After the past eight years, Trump is gonna make America great again which makes an Amnerica hating rat bastard commie like you really really hate him.

Your TDS is really bad and is getting worse. Will you survive the next four years without your head exploding?

By the way, Jay, what color is the sky in your world?

In this morning’s Atlanta Urinal and Constipation I found the following article from the Associated Press.

Seattle Mayor Ed Murray, a nationally famous champion of gay rights and progressive causes, has been accused by three men of having sex with them as children.

An unnamed man filed a child sex abuse lawsuit against the mayor on Thursday, alleging Murray “repeatedly criminally raped and molested” him when he was a homeless 15-year-old in the 1980s.

The unnamed plaintiff and two other men gave interviews to the Seattle Times — all telling similar stories about a politico in his late 20s and 30s, who befriended street kids, paid them and had his way with them.

I can pretty much tell you right now that the mayor is a Dimocrat because the Fake News Media’s style sheet sez that if the accused is a Republican it must be stated in the first or second paragraph. Since no party has been mentioned, he cannot be a Republican. Therefore, he’s a Dimocrat, but let’s continue shall we?

“I don’t necessarily think that he destroyed my life,” Jeff Simpson told the newspaper after describing years of molestation from age 13 on. “But I believe a lot of the problems I have stemmed from this.”

Murray, a gay rights pioneer-turned-leading opponent of President Trump’s immigration policies, canceled a planned event after news of the lawsuit broke Thursday and held a brief news conference the next day.

The mayor, 61, took no questions, but dismissed the suit as accusations from a “troubled” man.

“These allegations, dating back to a period of more than 30 years, are simply not true,” he said, noting that he still plans to run for reelection later this year.

Raised in Seattle, Murray was a campaign manager for Washington’s first openly gay state senator in the 1980s, according to the Associated Press.

Toward the end of the decade, according to the lawsuit, he met a homeless, drug-addicted 15-year-old on a bus.

Young and curious, D.H. encountered Ed Murray upon the bus and developed a friendly interaction,” reads the lawsuit.

This quickly turned into a regular negotiation, it reads, with the teen “willing to do whatever Mr. Murray asked for as little as $10 to $20.”

The plaintiff, now 46, was named only by initials in the lawsuit. But he gave an interview to the Times, recalling: “He’d be doing certain things, and I’d tell him to stop, and he wouldn’t stop.”

Still no mention of party. I wonder why? In fact, the story goes on for fourteen more paragraphs and it never mentions the party of the accused. Media bias? Nah!

This article was right below an article about the gunman who shot up a gym in Florida. I could have used that as a Name That Race post since that article never mentioned that the dude was a Negro. Can’t have that can we? We cannot have another mention of a Negro killing white people. Negro parents have to give their children “The Talk” but it it far more white people killed by Negros than Negros killed by white people. For example, in St. Louis, in statistics compiled by the police department, 85% of the violent crimes were committed by Negros. Look at Hey Jackass and check out the stats there. Of course, I’m a racist for pointing this out.

From my friend Pres.

From Russ P. for all of the rock band Kansas fans.

Prolly the best thing Alice in Chains ever did.

I didn’t realize this until tonight that this song was about Viet Fucking Nam. I just loved the metal aspects of it. Now I listen to the lyrics like

Walking tall machine gun man
They spit on me in my home land

and

Got my pills ‘gainst mosquito death

Quinine, to prevent malaria which many of my shipmates refused to take because it gave them the shits. Not me. I didn’t get any side effects.

Who would think a band from liberal Seattle would write and record a song like this?