That was in the subject line of an email Ron sent me. Following is the email in its entirety.

Damned dog woke me up at perzackly 12:33 this mornin. I know, ‘cause I looked at the clock. “Hey, man . . . I wanna go out.”

“Why can’t you learn to open the goddam door for yourself?”

“Just get up and unlock the friggin door, ‘K?”

“Mmfff . . . .”

“Look, you enjoy cleanin up biological ‘accidents’ in the wee hours of the morning?”

“Damned dog. That’s it! No more people food for you, asshole.”

“Hey, not my fault you keep my food locked up in a bin I can’t get open.”

So I let the crippled bastard out and made a head call myself. After he came back and settled down on his pad, I went back to sleep, which seemed like a reasonable idea at a quarter to one inna a.m.

Shortly thereafter, I’m in a very nice office with this guy in a dark suit talkin to me. “What I need you to do,” he’s saying, “is explain it all to them in a way they can understand. I mean, I don’t speak their gobbledegook and can’t get through to them.”

“So, exactly who are you?” I ask.

“I’m your president,” he says.

Average-lookin guy, maybe 6’ and 180 or so, dark suit, full head of cropped salt’n’pepper hair. Didn’t recognize him, tho. Looked a little like FDR and sounded for all the world like Harry Truman. Then I realized I was in the Oval Office, or a damned fine facsimile thereof.

“They’re assembled and waiting for you,” he says as he hands me a wooden gavel. “Be firm with them, like they were spoiled children.”

So a masked guy decked out in some kind of medieval costume and carrying a battle axe escorts me to the House Chamber where the whole kit & caboodle of ‘em are there, both houses, waitin for me to explain things in a way they could understand.

What the FDR impersonator got across to me was that I needed to clarify some basic definitions and concepts to our legislators. Among the terms they were having trouble with were ethics & morals, rights & privileges, tactics & strategy, supply & demand, hypocrisy & integrity, and several others.

I get up on the platform and start talkin to ‘em about ethics when some sumbitch yells out, “I object!”

He goes into some long-winded rodomontade about “this august body” and “long-standing traditions” and other twaddle, so I pick up the gavel the guy in the office gave me and try to bang it when I discover it’s a 6-inch-barrel .44.

After I shoot the bastard, I realize it’s Harry Reid. And then he gets up, shakes his fist, and leaves the chamber. “And that’s today’s lesson in hypocrisy,” I tell the rest of ‘em. “Now pay attention.”

Next I’m carefully explaining the difference between rights and privileges when John McCain starts making childish remarks apparently intended to be funny but falling considerably short of that goal. So I shoot him, too.

One of his aides runs over and slaps a patch on the bullethole and then pumps him back up again. So I shoot him again. And the aide patches him up and props him in his chair again. So I shoot the aide and McCain deflates again onto the floor like an empty potato sack.

After that I shoot Nancy Pelosi, but she flies off erratically like an overinflated balloon that slipped off the inflation nozzle and disappears. I take a few shots at John Kerry, but each time I hit him he just gets bigger and bigger until he floats up to the top of the dome and oozes out of the portals.

I think Hillary Clinton was there, but I never got a shot at her, and Schumer apparently was absent or something, ‘cause I remember lookin for him but couldn’t find him in the crowd.

What a great dream. Never had to reload, either. Only way it coulda been better is for the gavel to turn out to be an AR and I had a big stack of full mags. Ended with me in a stretch limo goin someplace.

Woke up around 0300 and couldn’t get back to sleep again. Ebullience and self-satisfaction in a job well done will do that to ya. Just got dressed and went for a walk about 0400 in the light of that mull foon with Monsterdawg.

Prob’ly shoulda washed the lettuce and tomato I put on that spectacular BLT I made for myself yesterday. Coulda got a mild case of Sam & Ella or somethin.

Anyway, here’s the reality of Senate “investigations”:

It must be nice to have dreams where you get to shoot gasbag politicians. I’m envious of Ron.

Blasphemy! Haul me off to the reeducation camp! Lynch Me! Thou shalt not say any bad thing about “civil rights icon” John Lewis! That is if you live anywhere near Atlanta Georgia. I think it is in the city charter or sumpin’. Anyway, Gwinnett County Commissioner Tommy Hunter learned that the hard way.

After racist pig John Lewis said he wouldn’t attend Donald Trump’s inauguration because he didn’t consider him a legitimate president, Tommy Hunter wrote on his Facebook page that John Lewis was a racist pig. All hell broke loose. The natives got restless and Hunter got mau maued. As an aside, racist pig John Lewis said this was the first inauguration he had skipped since he had been in Congress. He lied (Rule #1 SJWs always lie.) Lewis skipped Bush 43’s inauguration in 2000 because he didn’t consider him a legitimate president. I detect a pattern here. Hunter took down the post and apologized. Never apologize. That shows weakness and emboldens the SJWs.

Kasim Reed, the mayor of Atlanta sent a letter to Hunter’s employer. He claimed he wasn’t trying to get him fired (Rule #1) but just wanted to let his employer know what kind of employee he had. To his employer’s credit, he didn’t fire Hunter.

People protested in front of his workplace and there were calls for his resignation. He hasn’t resigned, but I expect him to be voted out of office in the next election because of this firestorm and because of the changing demographics of Gwinnett County which is getting, browner, blacker, and yellower. My friend Richard refers to Chamblee (a city in Gwinnett) as Chambodia.

Nevertheless, Hunter has nothing to apologize for. John Lewis is a racist pig. I’ll give two examples.

About eight or ten years ago, a black man, John Eaves was running for the head of the Fulton County Commission. Lewis, Shirley Franklin, and Andrew Young recorded a commercial to be aired on black radio stations claiming that if John Eaves didn’t win the election we would be returning the the times of “dogs and firehoses”. It was a disgusting race baiting ad. Even many people who liked and admired Lewis said so. He saw nothing wrong with it and refused to apologize for his blatant race baiting.

After the passage of Obummercare the Tea Party staged a protest in DC. Lewis and the rest of the Congressional Black Caucus, itself a racist group, walked through the protest trolling for racist comments because as everyone knew, the Tea Party was racist. Nothing happened. But that didn’t stop racist pig John Lewis. He claimed that he was called “nigger” thirteen times. All the videos taken that day did not support his claim. Andrew Breitbart offered a $50K award for anyone who could produce proof of Lewis’ claim. Nope! No one could. Lewis lied. (Rule #1) Al Sharpton told Bill O’Reilly that he had seen a tape of it. (Rule #2 SJWs always double down on their lies)

Racist pig John Lewis was a minor figure in the civil rights movement. His claim to fame was walking across a bridge in Selma Alabama and getting his ass kicked by a white Dimocrat. That was the high point of his life. Every year, on the anniversary of this event he reenacts it by walking across the bridge. Alas, there is no white Dimocrat waiting to kick his ass. He has even shaved his head so you can see the dent in his skull from the nightstick. People join him in his reenactment to virtue signal their support for civil rights. Even Jeff Sessions walked arm in arm with Lewis one year. We saw how Lewis repaid him this year.

“Civil rights icon” John Lewis has destroyed his civil rights legacy by turning into a race baiting asshole. He is indeed a racist pig! He needs to STFU and go away.

How I wish Pumpman were still alive because he could have written this post far better than I have.

One of the nicknames for I-285 in Atlanta is the Watermelon 500 because people drive so fast on it. It was not unusual when I still worked for IBM for me to drive 80 to 85 on the way to and from work and that was just keeping up with traffic. What with part of I-85 shutdown a lot of the traffic moved to I-285 and clogged it up. For example, I drove to Columbia South Carolina Saturday to spend Mom’s Day with my sister. Because of the traffic it took me forty minutes to get from my house to I-20 because of all of the traffic on I-285. It was stop and go a lot of the way. I was able to make up a lot of the lost time on I-20 by jumping into convoys of people driving 85-90 mph. As a result, what normally takes 3.5 hours, I did in 3 hours 40 minutes. I-85 opened up over the weekend and coming home today, I-285 was back to normal and I made it from I-20 to my house in a little under twenty minutes.

Woo hoo! The Watermelon 500 is back to normal!

Geologist pun from Jane Austen.

This one is from Ed S. (more…)

I really wanna give it to Schmuck Schumer and the Dimocrats for their blatant hypocrisy over the Comey firing. These are the dipshits who have been saying Comey should be fired for costing Crooked Cankles the election and now that Trump has fired him they’re crying crocodile tears about it.

Instead I’m giving it to Susan Collins, John McRINO (Will no one rid me of this troublesome traitor?), and Little Lindsey Graham for voting with the Dimocrats (What a shock!) against a roll back of some EPA regulations in the drilling industry. Assholes!

The burned out section of I-85 in Atlanta will open this weekend. The contractor rebuilding the section was offered incentives for every day before June 15 that the construction was completed. The contractor worked 24 hours a day and now the highway will reopen over the weekend. The contractor will receive $3.1 million for finishing the job early. Another triumph for capitalism. Under socialism, the rebuild would have prolly taken over two years.

From Don Surber writing about responses to the Comey firing. The setup:

The audience of Stephen Colbert’s show cheered when he told them President Trump fire James Comey as FBI director. The same thing happened at “The View.” In both cases, the hosts had to admonish and correct the audience.

The money line:

Comey has always been a friend of Oceania.

Bam! Totally points out the hypocrisy of the left. Why can’t I think of stuff like that?

Trump fired Comey. Good! It was the right thing to do. The Dims are crying crocodile tears over it but that’s bullshit. They feel Comey cost Thunder Rodent Thighs the election. Fer sure she would have fired Comey if she got elected. He totally f’d up last year with his handling of the investigation of Crooked Cankles’ emails. I read that many agents resigned over his fecklessness in not recommending indicting her and his wife was pissed off about it as well. There was really nothing he could have done anyway. Had he recommended indicting her, the DOJ would have ignored his recommendation and he would have prolly wound up committing Arkancide. Anyhoo, his Hamlet act cost him his job.

Wouldn’t it be nice if Trump appointed someone who would reopen the investigation into the Hag’s emails? Last summer, Comey as much as said she was guilty as sin but wouldn’t indict her. Now that we have a DOJ that won’t protect crooked Dimocrats maybe she could be indicted and convicted. Be still my beating heart. And why the FBI is at it, investigate the crooked Clinton Crime Family Foundation that was set up for the PIAP to take bribes from foreign gummints and well healed crooks. It would sure be nice to see the Clintons finally get what they deserve.

And let’s investigate Obungler’s surveillance program. Obumbler is another dude I would like to see doing a perp walk. Susan Rice belongs in jail as well.

But that’s what banana republics do, jail the opposition, you might say. When the opposition is as corrupt as the Dimocrat Party, which is in essence a crime syndicate masquerading as a political party, the opposition belongs in jail. Thunder Rodent Thighs has been breaking the law with impunity for years. The Obongo administration was one of the most corrupt administrations in my lifetime when it came to weaponizing the gummint.

We elected Trump to drain the swamp. Firing Comey was another step in that process. I applaud him for doing it.