Ron wrote a nice screed about failed comedian and now senator, Al Franken.

Ron on.

No rain. Big, bright, shiny thing in the eastern sky. Jeeeez, how do I handle that?

Well, maybe I’ll just pick on somebody. Haven’t done a parody bio in a while, and Al Franken is a worthy candidate. So . . . . .

Y’know . . . 1951 saw a lotta really bad stuff happen. Among the worst were the Midwest floods, one of those once-in-a-century things where all the creeks and rivers get up and wander around through fields and towns and houses . . . and that was the year when Rock’n’Roll got its official name, and the country’s morals haven’t been the same since . . . and it also saw the first time a movie got an “X” rating.

Shit happens. And one of the most disastrous things for human rights, Israel, and the US economy was the opening of the UN Headquarters building in Manhattan. What a friggin disaster THAT turned out to be.

Yeah, lotta stuff happened, but possibly the worst of all was the coagulation of miscellaneous protoplasm in NYC which was then harbored and nourished by an inconspicuous printer named Joe Franken and his equally unremarkable wife Phoebe, he a second-generation German- and she a second-generation Russian-Jew. They named it Alan, which derives from a Gaelic (Irish) word meaning “rock.”

In an attempt to escape from their mistake, Joe and Phoebe fled to Minnesota where Joe tried to open a quilting factory, but it failed, and Al followed them to Minneapolis. He sneaked into a local school where he managed to become a member of the groping team and like many other imposters attended Harvard, where he made off with a BA degree in a major which can lead to work only in very limited fields, such as fry cook, anonymous failure, and government-office holder.

With his boyhood friend Tom Davis, Franken began attempting performances in political satire, self describing that period as “a life of near-total failure on the fringes of show business in Los Angeles.”

In the 70s and 80s he became known as a failed writer and performer on Saturday Night Live, where he created such depressing and meaningless characters as Stuart Smalley. For entirely unknown reasons, he insisted upon proclaiming the 1980s as the Al Franken Decade. His employment at SNL was as depressing and meaningless as his characters, and he frequently found himself out of a job for various reasons, usually lack of talent and ill-fated attacks on Fred Silverman and NBC.

He admits to using nose candy while at SNL and left the show in a snit after losing the “Weekend Update” anchor job to Norm Macdonald. After that he continued writing books, which nobody liked, and wrote and starred in the movie Stuart Saves His Family, a monumental failure both critically and commercially.

He stole the FoxNews banner “Fair and Balanced” for his book Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them: A Fair and Balanced Look at the Right, and got some recognition from the theft and resulting lawsuit, which enhanced sales.

Franken got into his head the idea that conservatives dominated the public airwaves, so he launched The O’Franken Factor in 2004, later changing the name to The Al Franken Show when he realized that he was in for another lawsuit for copyright infringement. His purpose, he declared, was “I’m doing this because I want to use my energies to get Bush unelected,” which is exactly what he’s trying to do now with Trump.

Like most Democrats, Franken opposes anything introduced by anyone even one step right of center and believes that everyone in the country should have health care paid for by someone else, although he has no plan for funding that freebie. He also wants the amount of money available to college students to be greatly increased while the interest rates on their student loans drastically lowered. He has no idea how to pay for that, either.

Franken left the doomed Air America Radio by announcing his candidacy for the US Senate, a campaign which will live in infamy in the record of Minnesotans, placing them roughly in the same category as Swedish axehandles.

Al’s first love, entertainment, has ways been an unrequited situation. And as a senator he’s predictably more interested in being cute than doing what’s good for the country. In August 2010, Franken made faces and hand gestures and rolled his eyes while Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell delivered a speech in opposition to the confirmation of Elena Kagan to the U.S. Supreme Court. Franken’s actions prompted McConnell to remark, “This isn’t Saturday Night Live, Al.”

His modus operandi for those with whom he disagrees is ridicule, and he won his closely contested bid for the seat left open by Paul Wellstone’s death in a plane crash by demanding recounts until the numbers came out in his favor.

In July 2010, Minnesota Majority, a conservative watchdog group, conducted a study in which they flagged 2,803 voters for examination, including some 1,359 they suspected were ineligible convicted felons in the largely Democratic Minneapolis-St. Paul area who voted illegally in the Senate race. But since he’s a Democrat who strongly endorsed Obama, he was sworn into the Senate in 2009, despite both unfavorable arithmetic and unavailable qualifications.

Other than annoy people and steal banners and slogans from successful enterprises, I can’t find anything significant, or significantly positive, that he’s accomplished in his life, kinda like Soetoro.

Ron off.

Can’t say as I disagree with anything he’s written. What’s wrong with those people in Minnesota? First Jesse Ventura and now Al Franken.