The last one, also from Thomas M.

Three circus dwarfs decided to change professions. They reviewed their options and decided to move to China and start a business together in that burgeoning economy. They bought a factory in Beijing and started manufacturing road-building materials to use to build highways for China’s expanding transportation system. They shrewdly cornered the market on a black, sticky substance to cover the roads they were building. Thus, they became known as … (more…)

Another one from Thomas M.

A mother was pleased with the card her son had made her for Christmas, but was puzzled as to the scraggly-looking tree from which many presents dangled, and at the very top, something that looked strangely like a bullet. She asked him if he would explain the drawing and why the tree itself was so bare, instead of a fat pine tree. “It’s not a traditional Christmas tree,” he explained. (more…)

From Thomas M.

One of rock ‘n’ roll’s earliest — and greatest — rock performers was the incomparable Buddy Holly. Despite his bespectacled, nerdy appearance, the man really knew how to ignite an audience. In fact, the folks who attended Buddy’s performances got so excited that many of his concerts ended with a riot. Just as soon as the fans saw that Buddy had performed the closing song, they would fly into a collective rage, smash chairs, storm the stage and tear down the curtain. As a result, no theater owner would hire Buddy because they feared that their patrons would … (more…)

Since it is Christmas I’m gonna gift you with multiple Christmas puns. This forst one is from my buddy Phil.

One Christmas Eve, a frenzied young man ran into a pet shop looking for an unusual Christmas gift for his wife. The shop owner suggested a parrot, named Chet, which could sing famous Christmas carols. This seemed like the perfect gift.

“How do I get him to sing?” The young man asked, excitedly.

“Simply hold a lighted match directly under his feet.” was the shop owner’s reply.

The shop owner held a lighted match under the parrot’s left foot. Chet began to sing: “Jingle Bells! Jingle Bells! …”

The shop owner then
held another match under the parrot’s right foot. Then Chet’s tune changed, and the air was filled with: ” Silent Night, Holy Night…”

The young man was so impressed that he paid the shop-keeper and ran home as quickly as he could with Chet under his arm.

When the wife saw her gift she was overwhelmed. “How beautiful!” she exclaimed. “Can he talk?”

“No,” the young man replied. “But he can sing. Let me show you.”

So the young man whipped out his lighter and placed it under Chet’s left foot as the shop-keeper had shown him, and Chet crooned: “Jingle Bells! Jingle bells!..” The man then moved the lighter to Chet’s right foot, and out
came: “Silent Night, Holy night…”

The wife, her face filled with curiosity, then asked, “What if we hold the lighter between his legs?”

The man did not know. “Let’s try it,” he answered, eager to please his wife. So they held the lighter between Chet’s legs.

Chet twisted his face, cleared his throat, and the little
parrot sang out loudly like it was the performance of his life: (more…)

A good Bach selection for Christmas.

This week I’m gonna make you all work for your boobage. Go here. You’re gonna have to wait until Sunday to see 24 and Monday to see 25. You’re welcome. Merry Christmas!

Thanks to Pres for the link.

Too much assholiness to even begin so I’m gonna cut it short and give it to Rosie O’Piggo who went totally unhinged on Twitter this week. Her tweet:

so how about this
i promise to give
2 million dollars to senator susan collins
and 2 million to senator jeff flake

if they vote NO
NO I WILL NOT KILL AMERICANS
FOR THE SUOER RICH

DM me susan
DM me jeff

no shit
2 million
cash
each

Of course, this is known as bribery, which is illegal, but Rosie is a liberal and the laws don’t apply to them. Anyhoo, the replies are great and if someone disagrees with her her standard response is “Fuck you!”

Trump has really driven her around the bend. But, on the upside she does win an award. Here it is.

The Stupid Party finally did sumpin’ right! They passed the tax reform bill and gave Americans a nice tax cut in 2018. Yannow how I know this is a good bill? Because of how the left has gone totally batshit crazy.

Rosie O’Piggo tried to bribe two Republican senators by offering them $2 million apiece to vote against the bill. This happens to be illegal but if charges are brought against her she’ll get off by being declared mentally ill.

Paul Krugman is against it. Right off the bat that tells you it’s a good piece of legislation. Krugman, like many others on the left are moaning about how it will increase the deficit by more than $1 trillion over ten years. Holy crap! That’s about $100 billion a year. This gnashing of teeth and rending of garments is by the people who increased the debt by $10 trillion over 8 years! Also, Krugman wrote many times that the reason the porkulus failed was because it wasn’t large enough. He said it should have been at least $1 trillion more. So the guy who sez $1 trillion over ten years is bad is the same dude who wanted the deficit to be over $2 trillion in 2009.

Schmuck Schumer said the Republicans would “rue the day” they passed this bill. We’ll see as Republicans will run on letting people keep more of their money.

Pocahontas railed about how this was raiding the treasury. Remember, Dimocrats think all of the money belongs to the gummint so letting people keep more of their money is “raiding the treasury”.

Ex-Speaker Blinky said…. Oh who really gives a damn about what she said?

Just in time for Christmas, the new talking Dimocrat doll. Pull the string and it sez, “Tax cuts for the rich.”

Not a single Dimocrat voted for the bill. That officially makes them the party of high taxes.

Due to the corporate tax cuts, companies are already giving bonuses to employees.

Germany companies are worried.

As President Donald Trump trumpets progress on a massive tax cut for US companies, German firms are increasingly worried the reforms could put the country’s vaunted export economy at a disadvantage.

“The sharp reduction in the corporate tax rate will give the US a massive competitive advantage,” said Christoph Spengel, the corporate tax expert at the Center for European Economic Research in Mannheim. “Tax competition will get a new dimension with Europeans forced to compete among themselves.”

US companies are already talking about repatriating a lot of the money they had stashed overseas because of our high corporate tax rates. When they bring it back they will pay a one time tax of 15.5% instead of the previous 35%. That will only help our already growing economy.

Thank you President Trump. Thank you Stupid Party for finally accomplishing sumpin’ this year.

MAGA!

Update: I forgot to mention that people in high tax states are gonna have to pay more in taxes because of the limited deduction of state and local taxes. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Suck it liberals! You want tax hikes? You got them.

Ron on.

So the Rub’lican’ts are singing “Happy Days Are Here Again” thinkin their very suspicious, ramshackle, glued-together, debt-building tax-reform bill will be ready for DJT to sign before Christmas.

Well, I’ll b’lieve it when I see my tax form “on a post card” with a “YUGE” reduction on the “Amount You Owe” line. Don’t trust ‘em. ANY of ‘em. Partic’larly in Washington where there’s that bacterium in the groundwater that seeks out and eats the common sense and ethics centers of the human brain after 2 years.

Besides, too many members of Congress can’t even make up their minds on who should go where to pee. I mean, “The Restroom Door Said Gentlemen” isn’t really an excuse, is it? Makes you wonder about “Yellow Snow, Yellow Snow, Yellow Snow.”

And some of ‘em are afraid of the recent spate of sexual misconduct accusations. They’re the ones worried about “Police Stopped My Car” and “Wreck The Malls With Confused Genders.”

Dems will be singin differ’nt tunes, of course, such as “O Come, All Ye Hateful” and “I’ll Be Loath For Christmas.” CNN, natcherly, is already doin “Deck The Halls With Lots Of Fake News.”

To me the Dems have turned this year’s holiday season into “It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Lawsuit” and “All I Want For Christmas Is A Trump Defeat.”

Mueller’s favorite is “It Came Upon A Source Unclear” and “Russians, The Red-Nosed Hackers.” He also likes “Under The Subpoena” and “Deck The Halls With Accusations.”

ABC is going with “O, Holy Cow! The Trump Is Tweeting Nightly.” And CNN is showcasing “’Costy, The Snowflake.” “I Saw PotUS Drinking Diet Cokes” is also a big hit this year with ABCNNBCBS.

There are others, of course, such as “We’ll Sue Ye, Hairy NeoCons” and “Dance Of The Congressmen Fairies.” And who could forget Elijah Cummings’ and Hank Johnson’s favorite: “Little Dumber Boy”?

There’s also “Censure Clause Is Comin To Town” and Maxine Waters’s rendition of “I’m Scheming For Some White Priv’lege.”

What the Left really wants is a “Silent Right” or maybe “All I Want For Christmas Is A Vote Recount” or even “Do You Smear Who I Smear?”

All I know is that the “Hallelujah Chorus” to Dems is more like “Do It To Ya For Us” and “All They Want For Christmas Is Sex Bailout Funds.”

Personally, I kinda like “Kirsten Got Run Over By A Trump Tweet.” I hear Nancy’s very fond of “Have Yourself A Scary Little Christmas” after her comments about the tax bill bringin in Armageddon and “Don’t They Know It’s The End Of The World.”

Yeah, for the anti-Trumpers, it’s “Resist, All Ye Faithless” and “Overthrow, Overthrow, Overthrow.” All they want for Christmas is collusion smoking-gun proof and a stack of subpoenas so they can sing “It’s The Best Impeachment Time Of The Year.”

Can’t you just hear Schiff’s version of “O, Holy Night”?

Fall in their trap
Oh hear the hackers’ voices
O, Counsel Supreme
Oh-oh prosecutor’s dream

Collusion, it’s real
Oh-oh Hillary’s the One
O, such high crimes
Oh-oh Trump, oh Trump is gone.

I’d like to see Schiff’s lump of coal jammed in his leaky mouth instead of his stocking. Men used to fight duels over the crap he’s been pulling lately. If anybody needs to be run over by a reindeer, it’s him . . . and Waters . . . and Jackson-Lee . . . and Pelosi . . . and, oh hell, my keyboard batteries are runnin out of juice.

And my stomach’s runnin low on carbs. Time to take on stores.

Ron off.

Remember Sheila Jackson-Lee congratulated Doug Moore for winning the Senate race in Alabama. Major league stupid.