Ron regales us with a new study he came across.
Anthropological and Sociological Researchers working diligently and tirelessly at the World Truth Foundation (WTF) have identified and isolated a previously unexplained sector in the human genome which they’ve labeled the FRT (Fact Resistant Thread).
Located in a segment of the helical structure long written off as “junk” DNA, or undecipherable stretches which seemed to have no purpose or effect on human development and behavior, the FRT is now behaving as if recently triggered by some unknown influence and is now affecting cerebral function in afflicted adults.
Led by Dr. Usuf Neuinkarn of the Mengele Studies in Neuropathic and Behavioral Capriciousness (MSNBC), the team has announced that a particularly virulent and potentially dangerous strain of FRT in the brains of government employees and politicians makes them essentially immune to comprehension of verifiable knowledge.
At first Dr. Neuinkarn and his associates believed the DNA segment of FRT was simply a form of protein crenation, or brain shrinkage often seen in career lawyers, politicians, and methamphetamine junkies. “It has all the symptoms of GEBS,” he said, quickly explaining the acronym as meaning “Government Employee Brain Shrivel.”
“But this is much different, much more aggressive and completely resistant to all attempts at slowing or reversing the condition with internal medication. At present, the only effective treatment seems to be complete isolation in padded living quarters with uninterrupted viewing of Mr. Wizard lectures and Ronald Reagan speeches.”
His colleague, Dr. Ivana Barph, shared a lengthy list of examples of individuals stricken with the syndrome, beginning with Congressperson Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.
“Everyone is familiar with her staggering unawareness of how things work in the real world,” Dr. Barph said, enumerating examples of misconceptions by the youngest women ever elected to Congress. “Some of her remarks are up there on par with Congressman Johnson’s fear that the island of Guam could tip over if too many more military personnel were assigned there.”
“And FRT affects persons of all ages. For a while we thought the condition was limited to elderly individuals, such as Maxine Waters or Dianne Feinstein or Bernie Sanders or Nancy Pelosi. But Ms. Ocasio-Cortez has made it clear that FRT isn’t age discriminatory, as has Congresswoman Tlaib and the wannabe Chicano ‘Beto O’Rourke,’” Dr. Barph told us, shaking her head and popping a small white capsule.
“What disturbs us most is that these fact-resistant individuals cannot seem to comprehend the direct relationship between increasing numbers of poorly educated, nearly illiterate, poverty-stricken, non-English-speaking foreigners and the rise in all forms of crime, from mugging and pickpocketing to rape and murder,” Dr. Neuinkarn added.
Most puzzling to the team was the failure of afflicted individuals to see that Islam and unrestricted illegal immigration present a far greater danger to American culture than climate change and toxic masculinity.
“We simply do not see this ending well,” Dr. Neuinkarn sighed. “I mean, we’ve always had fools and morons and idiots running around, and on occasion one might get elected to high public office, such as Gropey Joe or Ted Kennedy. But what we’re seeing today is an epidemic, a pandemic in which reportedly educated people insist that Islam is a ‘religion of peace’ despite the fact that nearly all terrorist activities in the past 25 years carried out by Muslims, or that a kindergartener should be able to choose which gender to be regardless of what the chromosomes say.”
“Yes,” Dr. Barph agreed. “We don’t yet understand the blockage which prevents these fact-resistant people from retaining and understanding data. We suspect that something in the DNA is intercepting information being passed along the optic and auditory nerves, and then either altering or discarding it.”
When asked what types of experiments are in progress to suspend or reverse the data transmission glitches caused by FRT, Dr. Neuinkarn and Dr. Barph looked at each other for several seconds before Dr. Neuinkarn finally said,”
“Well, I’m sure you understand that some of our research must remain classified, and some of it could be viewed as radical by snowflakes and social justice warriors, but preliminary research indicates that victims of FRT show a tendency to be more receptive to reality, to factual data, when they are placed in an environment without political influence, without cash, without food, without bottled water, without cameras, and without microphones.”
