I had to pay my quarterly estimated taxes this week so this joke sent to me by Pres seems appropriate.
The Audit
Myron Greenberg, a wealthy L.A. businessman received a letter of Audit from the IRS. It really upset him so he called his accountant, Saul Meyers.
Myron: (pleading): “Saul, what are they doing to me? Why are they doing this to me?
Saul (calming); “Myron, don’t worry about it. I’ve got all the receipts, the account is up to date, it’s no problem. But let me give you a bit of advice. When you go to the Audit, make a bad impression. Wear the crummiest, dirtiest clothes you’ve got. Have holes in your shoes, ripped pants and look shabby. I mean really look terrible, because if they have a little sympathy, they’ll go easy on you.”
Then Myron called his lawyer, Charlie Steinberg. His lawyer said:
CHARLIE: “Myron it’s no problem, I’m sure they got the receipts, I’m sure everything is up to date, you’ve got a great accountant, don’t worry about it. Let me give you a tip. When you go to the Audit, it’s very important that you make a good impression. Wear your best suit, and your shirt with a silk tie and cuff links and shine your shoes, look like somebody. Because if you look like a somebody they respect you and will go easy on you.”
And now he’s torn. And that night he bumped into his Rabbi at the Deli.
And he told the Rabbi the story.
Rabbi: “Myron, it reminds me of sometimes when I perform a wedding. The bride’s father will tell his daughter that on her wedding night to wear a nightgown with a high collar and long sleeves and a full-length robe… cover up, you know, be a little demure.
And the mother says, ‘Don’t be silly. Wear a low cut “negligee” with the cleavage sticking out — look a little sexy’…
and Myron I will say to you just like I say to the bride on her wedding night, it makes no difference what you wear, you’re gonna get screwed”.
Before Israel demanded a king, they were subservient only to God, and a 10% title was sufficient. Contrast that with our modern gummint that taxes you much more, and gives you much less. We are all grossly overtaxed. In my case:
1. Financially by the IRS,
2. Because I am a husband, also mentally and emotionally by the MRS.
oops “10% tithe” (my old-age typing again)
Hell, I remember the old cartoons when a guy would come out of the IRS office wearin’ only a barrel.
He was a bearded man at Denver Broncos games.
Denny – you fool!
If you had sent 2 minutes on Bing* (never use Google – it’s evil) you’d have found out that estimated taxes this year aren’t due until July 15th.
* Bing stands for ‘But It’s Not Google’. And, yes, I know it’s run by Microsoft, which as almost as bad… but at least it’s not Google.
sent/spent I’m probably in the same age category typing-wise as Herb.
Oh, you “poor bastard”. I am getting typing-dyslexic. It’s one thing to have one hand’s finger beat the other and switch two letters, but I have begun to switch syllables. If I am developing a mental degeneration, you’ll know it when I suddenly support “Black Lives Matter”.
Dupuytren’s, both hands. Went through two nasty operations 30 & 35 years ago but it’s kinda-sorta coming back.
All I can say is that it’s a good thing I don’t make a living typing comments like these; I’m like Denny – retired computer jock, living large off my investments, ‘cept I got a really nice woman to keep me happy.
I am newly-retired from the elevator industry, also a computer jock in terms of embedded elevator controllers and drives. I wrote software that controlled the car and motor drive. I also have a nice wife to share retirement off of investments, and she is every bit as responsible as I for our shared prosperity.
Herb – Not only did my wife earn as much as I did during our working years, but every time we enjoy some afternoon sex she jumps out of bed afterwards and asks me what I’d like her to make for dinner.
And she was working part-time until she got laid off due to the Wuhan virus and qualified for $55 a week unemployment, which according to government math works out to $1310 every two weeks.
Herb – Before you get too jealous, the wife & I can’t talk politics because she’s gonna vote for Biden (only because Bernie didn’t get the nomination) while I myself agree with Denny on pretty much everything he posts.
MrJimm, my former boss and his wife are policital opposites as well, just like Mary Matalin and James Carville. My wife and I do agree politically because we came from similar backgrounds, both of us having somewhat older parents who went through the Great Depression.
See, there’s that typing again; “policital” instead of “political”.
Duck-Duck-Go is your friend.
I tried Duck-Duck-Go a while back but it wasn’t very good at actually finding anything out there on the Web. I suppose I should give it another try sometime; maybe it’s gotten better with age, unlike my fingers.
I’ve used it for quite awhile and haven’t had any problems. I dislike that search results always show some scam sites above the actual site you are looking for, but I presume they all do that. $$$ you know.
I know but I’ve got other stuff coming up then and since I just got a dividend from one of my investments I went ahead and paid it.
I should have figured. Sorry to have called you a fool.
Although my wife & I, between 2019 taxes, 1Q and 2Q estimated, will owe the feds almost $10K in about 4 weeks, and they ain’t getting a penny of it until the very last minute.