From my friend Phil.

A HEART WARMING LAWYER STORY …

That even makes me want to cry

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two
men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver
to stop and he got out to investigate.

He asked one man, “Why are you eating grass ?”

“We don’t have any money for food,” the poor man replied.
“We have to eat grass.”

“Well, you can come with me to my house and I’ll feed you,”
the lawyer said.

“But sir, I have a wife and two children with me.
They are over there eating grass under that tree.”

“Bring them along,” the lawyer replied.

Turning to the second poor man he stated,
“You may come with us, also.”

The other man, in a pitiful voice, then said,
“But sir, I also have a wife and six children with me!”

“Bring them all as well,” the lawyer answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for car as
large as the limousine.

Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said,
“Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.”

The lawyer replied, “Glad to do it. You’ll really love my place.
The grass is almost a foot high.”

Come on . . . did you really think there was such a thing as a heart-warming lawyer story?

Look at Our Congress — over 300 Lawyers!!!

So in my ode to Claudia, I mentioned my Three Rules For Avoiding Poverty and how I was too lazy to search the Internet Archive Wayback Machine. Silly rabbit. All I had to do was search Poverty and Grouchy Old Cripple and I could find most of my posts where I posted the rules. Here is one of them. (My archive might of been hacked but the internet is forever.) Here is Rule #1.

1. Stay in school and get an education. Learn to read and write English. That does not mean Spanish, French, German, Italian, Thai, or Ebonics. Bilingual education, like most liberal ideas, does more harm than good. And you assholes who think teaching blacks in that made up language called Ebonics is a good thing, you are sentencing the people you are trying to help to perform menial jobs, if they can even get a menial job, for the rest of their lives. And don’t just get a high school education. Go to college. If you cannot afford college, go to junior college. If you can’t afford that, go to technical school. And if you cannot afford that, join the military. The military has some good schools. I learned electronics in the Navy. Also, when you get out, the military will give you money for college. Some people can go to college when in the military. And the military for some people (Not for me, I was too much of a smartass and I was put into positions where I was the only person who could do something. This followed me throughout my career at IBM. I don’t know how it happened. I never planned it that way.) will teach them discipline.

Alas, liberals are ruining that rule. Learning to write English with proper grammar and spelling is now deemed to be racist and a sign of white privilege. Of course this is fucking over Africans, but Dimocrats have been doing this since slavery and they have gotten the Africans to vote for this.

Education in this country has deteriorated badly since I attended high school. Teachers unions weren’t created to help students but to help teachers. Look at how they have responded to the pandemic. Fuck the students. Keep paying us.

And that takes us to Baltimore.

BALTIMORE (WBFF) – A shocking discovery out of a Baltimore City high school, where Project Baltimore has found hundreds of students are failing. It’s a school where a student who passed three classes in four years, ranks near the top half of his class with a 0.13 grade point average.

WTF? I mean really, WTF? The dude has a .13 GPA and ranks in the top of his class. WTF? How in a sane world can this happen?

Tiffany France thought her son would receive his diploma this coming June. But after four years of high school, France just learned, her 17-year-old must start over. He’s been moved back to ninth grade.

After only passing three classes in three years he should have never left the ninth grade. And seriously, how could the mother be surprised? Didn’t the school send his grades home? Didn’t they hold parent/teacher meetings? I guess not.

“He’s stressed and I am too. I told him I’m probably going to start crying. I don’t know what to do for him,” France told Project Baltimore. “Why would he do three more years in school? He didn’t fail, the school failed him. The school failed at their job. They failed. They failed, that’s the problem here. They failed. They failed. He didn’t deserve that.”

Yep! They sure did. And guess who else failed Tiffany? You did.

France’s son attends Augusta Fells Savage Institute of Visual Arts in west Baltimore. His transcripts show he’s passed just three classes in four years, earning 2.5 credits, placing him in ninth grade. But France says she didn’t know that until February. She has three children and works three jobs. She thought her oldest son was doing well because even though he failed most of his classes, he was being promoted. His transcripts show he failed Spanish I and Algebra I but was promoted to Spanish II and Algebra II. He also failed English II but was passed on to English III.

Here’s a hint Tiffany. If he fails Spanish I he shouldn’t be promoted to Spanish II. He should take Spanish I over until he passes it. If he fails Algebra I he shouldn’t be promoted to Algebra II. He should take Algebra I until he passes it. The same goes for English II. Yeah. The school fucked up royally but you did too by not monitoring your son’s progress. I’m sorry you have to work three jobs and I applaud you for that but that does not abrogate your job as a mother. Had I done what your son did I would have been grounded. I once got a D in high school physics and was grounded until I got the grade up.

You notice there is no father in the picture? I’ll also bet that Tiffany votes straight Dimocrat.

This kid is on an express train to poverty. It’s only a matter of time until he knocks up a Shameka or a Sharonda.

It is with a heavy heart that I announce the passing of our beloved Claudia. She died on March 1. Claudia (Claude Prevost) was a French Canadian. She anglicized her name so we Americans would know she was a lady and not a dude. I don’t know how she found my blog but she became a welcome addition to my commenters, especially on Monday when she would demonstrate her command of the English language with her wonderful puns. English was her second language but you couldn’t tell it.

Her husband was a diplomat and served for a time at the Canadian Consulate in Houston. Claudia was a registered nurse and joined the surgical team of Michael DeBakey.

She was interested in American politics as far back as Nixon. She thought he was a good president and got a raw deal. I agree with her. Had Nixon been a Dimocrat he would have never resigned. The Dimocrats would have cirled the wagons, and the press, which was just as liberal back then (they just hid it better) would have covered for him. Obungler’s spying on Trump made Watergate look like an old ladies’ social.

I remember her telling me that she printed off my Three Rules for Avoiding Poverty and gave them to her grandchildren. I’d link to that post but it was in the part of my archives that got lost when my site was hacked. Yeah, I know it’s in the Internet Archives Wayback Machine but it would be tedious to find that post.

She was also a music teacher and encouraged me when I learned Bach’s Prelude in C Major Yes. I did learn to play it.

Every time I put up one of my guitar posts, I thought of her and hoped she would enjoy them. She once told me that she never realized the scope of the classical guitar and thanked me for showing her that.

I was thinking of writing this On Saturday for my musical post, but decided to write it tonight since more people read me on Monday than on Saturday afternoon.

I’m sorry I never got to meet her. The world is a sadder place with her passing. I will think of her every Saturday and every Sunday night.

RIP Claude.

Now, on to the pun.

And if a bird landed on them you would have a tweeter.

I’ve said it many times, I like the early Led Zeppelin the best when they did their blues infused rock like Dazed and Confused, The Lemon Song, and Since I’ve Been Loving You. Some of their later stuff was crap!

I’m rather sad today. Tune in for my next Monday Pun and I’ll tell you why. Some of you already know.

Orchestra and choir.

And on piano.

Alas, not all of this was written by Mozart as he died before completing it and it was completed by other composers.

Another one from Len. (more…)

I’m taking a break from giving the award to traitorous RINOs and heading out to Portland Oregon to give it to this bitch.

On Wednesday, Portland City Councilor Jo Ann Hardesty was reportedly involved in a hit-and-run accident. According to Incident Report #2021-57962, police responded to a complaint in which a teacher reported that Hardesty had rear-ended her vehicle earlier in the evening before driving away. The news was broken first by the Coalition to Save Portland. According to law enforcement sources, Hardesty may have been looking at her phone at the time of the accident.

Just so you know, she supports defunding the police.

This is the second time in four months Hardesty has had what activists call contact with law enforcement. In November, she berated her Lyft driver after she failed to show up at the designated pick-up spot at a casino in southwest Washington State. The driver pulled into a gas station and ended the ride early after she became irate that he would not let her roll up the windows due to the coronavirus pandemic.

Ironically, she ended up calling the police to respond to that incident. The police defused the situation and declined to conduct a field sobriety test.

I love the fact that she wants to defund the police but called the cops.

By the way, she looks exactly like you would expect her to.

Herb sent me this story.

The White House will reportedly begin charging reporters $170 for coronavirus tests upon entry into “The People’s House,” first reported the Washington Post.

Make it the Chinese anal test.

News organizations will now be required to foot the bill each time a reporter enters the White House – a policy that has prompted backlash on social media, and has been interpreted as an “admission fee” that could burden smaller, cash strapped news outlets.

No big deal since all of what comes out of Jen Pcircles’s mouth is nothing but pure bullshit.

The policy set to begin Monday, is a shift that could cost the news industry tens of thousands of dollars, on top of the costs they already incur when paying for reporters to travel with the president.

Aaaaaw! Ain’t that a shame. Suck it up buttercups.

The White House did not respond to Fox News for comment on the changes, but officials reportedly cited the budget strains as the deciding factor in altering their COVID policy.

The White House Correspondents Association, which represents journalists working in the presidential press corp, has taken issue with the new fees, reported the Post.

“It sets up a means test for White House coverage,” a member of the Correspondents Association reportedly said on the condition of anonymity.

Bigger networks can expect to rack up massive fees, as cameramen and reporters pile into the White House on a daily basis, and a crew of eight people would cost an outlet over $1,300 a day.

You assholes voted for this by dragging *’s demented ass across the finish line. You’re getting what you voted for…good and hard. But that’s OK. You can prolly have a White House Correspndents Dimmer this year where you can worship * and give him figurative fellatio.

This is a big fuck you to you assholes and you deserve it. The people behind * are showing just what they think of you propagandists. You’re tools.

Ron opines.

Note the long-term mental-health damage to millions of people by a self-appointed elite who can’t make up their minds on the usefulness of masks or the effectiveness of the gleep vaccine.

● IM (“Inquiring Mind”): “If I get vaccinated can I stop wearing a mask(s)?”
Government: “NO.”

● IM: “If I get vaccinated will the restaurants, bars, schools, fitness clubs, hair salons, etc. reopen and will people be able to get back to work like normal?
Government: “NO.”

● IM: “If I get vaccinated will I be resistant to Covid?”
Government: “Maybe. We don’t know exactly, but probably not.”

● IM: “If I get vaccinated, at least I won’t be contagious to others – right?”
Government: “NO, the vaccine doesn’t stop transmission.”

● IM: “If I get vaccinated, how long will the vaccine last?”
Government: “No one knows. All Covid “vaccines” are still in the experimental stage.”

● IM: “If I get vaccinated, can I stop social distancing?”
Government: “NO.”

● IM: “If my parents, grandparents and myself all get vaccinated can we hug each other again?”
Government: “NO.”

● IM: “So what’s the benefit of getting vaccinated?”
Government: “Hoping that the virus won’t kill you.”

● IM: “Are you sure the vaccine won’t injure or kill me?”
Government: “NO.”

● IM: “If statistically the virus won’t kill me (99.7% survival rate), why should I get vaccinated?”
Government: “To protect others.”

● IM: “So if I get vaccinated, I can protect 100% of people I come in contact with?”
Government: “NO.”

● IM: “If I experience a severe adverse reaction, long term effects (still unknown) or die from the vaccine will I (or my family) be compensated from the vaccine manufacture or the Government?”
Government: “NO, the government and vaccine manufactures have 100% zero liability regarding this experimental drug.”

And then imagine, after the year-long experiment in behavior modification that’s been forced on an entire goddam continent . . . what will they come up with next, climate lockdowns? Will they limit private vehicle use, sale of red meat, power and water, fossil-fuel production, and make everyone work from remote?

We have a Commander-in-Chief with night-light-bulb-wattage intelligence, as deep and profound as a parking-lot puddle, with a veep who has all the gravitas of a B-girl and the international savvy of a Burger-King fry cook.

We have senators who make almost 200,000 a year still debating after 10 months if the workers they put out of their jobs deserve more than 600 bucks in relief checks that won’t make a dent in their mortgage and utility debts.

We have Congress members such as AOC, who could be quite an attractive kid and fun to go out with if she weren’t so goddam ignorant . . . most of the time she acts like the stereotypical dumbass blonde. Corteziculous-Ocasioramic.

They put higher priorities on getting rid of racist imagery such as black ladies on pancake syrup bottles, black men on instant rice boxes, and sports teams named in tribute to Amerinds than they do in helping minorities get off welfare and food stamps and stop the flow of untested aliens across our southern border.

When I was a kid, we had Wonder Woman and Superman. Now we have to wonder if it IS a woman or a supercilious man. Somehow it’s become fashionable to be so “woke” that universities and corporations are forcing behavior modification training on Caucasian employees to forsake their “whiteness.”

The thing is here, people who are offended by cartoons, women on syrup bottles, guys on rice boxes, and statues of the Founding Fathers are more the problem than the solution. As Bugs Bunny would say, “Ultramaroons.”

Wouldn’t surprise me for lefty mayors of “woke” cities to demand statues of Trump be set up so that rioters would have something to topple. Betcha if we looked hard enough, we’d find that Circleback Psaki holds the record for strikeouts at T-Ball.

Here’s the way I see the majority of our “leaders”:

Ahh . . . I think I see the problem — your arrogance valve is blocked in the “open”
position by your melanin-deficient biofuskulator. I’m afraid we’ll have to do some
plastorangitory surgery on the whiteness verdimondible to increase the flow of
“wokeness” into the disrastifier.

From Chuck.

A democrat congressman finally breaks down and visits a remote northern
reservation. With news crews following him around as they tour the place,
he asks the chief if there was anything they need.

“Well,” says the chief, “We have three very important needs.

First, we have a medical clinic but no doctor to man it.”

The democrat whips out his phone, dials a number,
talks to somebody for two minutes and then hangs up.
“I’ve pulled some strings. Your doctor will arrive in a few days.

Now what was the second problem?”

“We have no way to get clean water. The local mining operation has
poisoned the water our people have been drinking for thousands of
years. We’ve been flying bottled water in, and it’s terribly expensive.”

Once again, the democrat dials a number, yells into the phone
for a few minutes, and then hangs up. “The mine has been shut down,
and the owner is being billed for setting up a purification plant for
your people.

Now what was that third problem?”

The chief looks at him and says,
“We have no cellphone reception up here!”